Hope's Journal: Continuing to Befriend My Parts.

Started by Hope67, July 15, 2019, 07:08:25 PM

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Not Alone

#345
Quote from: Hope67 on April 09, 2020, 05:56:15 PM
I felt my hand reach out to touch my chest area, and then I was horrified by a massive lump of flesh - and felt some terror that I must have somehow expanded my lungs and chest in my sleep - and then reality hit me of what it was - it was actually my boob.  In my mind, I was a small child with a flat chest and no boobs, and so to have suddenly something much larger and different than what I expected, it was so shocking.  It has taken me about three days to mention that experience to my partner, and now I am writing about it, it feels actually funny to think of it, but at the time, I was shocked!
Hope,
I understand it taking you three days to share with your partner. I am hesitant to share my experience, but I think you would understand. There have been times that my Littles are surprised and confused by feeling my breasts, mostly when showering.

Hope67

Hi Notalone,
It meant a lot to me that you shared your experience about what I'd said - thank you so much - because I feel less alone in experiencing what I did.  When I told my partner about the experience, I know he was a bit shocked by it, and whilst he is caring and considerate to me, I know he can't completely relate to what I experienced, whereas I know that you understand it - as you've experienced that yourself.  So thank you for your validation, and I really am grateful for your support and sharing your experience.   :grouphug:

Hope  :)

Not Alone

Hope, thanks for letting me know that what I wrote made you feel less alone. I have not shared that with anyone before and it was a risk, so I really appreciate your reply. Also, you initially sharing helped me to know that I'm not alone.  :grouphug:

Hope67

Hi Notalone, Yes, I really did appreciate what you shared, and I know it was a brave thing that you shared it.  Thank you  :hug: 

**********
14th April 2020
I felt better for having written a poem expressing some of my anger and also some of my hope - it was a very cathartic to do that.  I didn't realise how much, until I re-read it, and also things people said in response to it.  Also, I read it to my partner, although I couldn't read the words easily out loud, as it made me very emotional - but he also shared his response to it, and it made me feel validated and I think I feel some sense of release today - although I also have a headache too...

Hope  :)


Hope67

Hi Marta,  Thank you so much, I appreciate that hug  :hug:

*********
16th April 2020
Last night I had dreams that had situations where I was being more adult, and actually being fairly assertive in keeping my boundaries and working some things out - which was interesting - it included some people who seemed to be like ex work colleagues, although the names and the characters weren't exactly the same - things had changed.  But the themes of feeling more in control were present, and that surprised me.

I also feel as if I am more 'adult' and in my 'self' today - I feel different today. 

Hope  :)

Snowdrop

This sounds really good, Hope. It's like the progress you're making is working through to a deeper level.  :applause: and  :hug:.

marta1234

#352
Agree with snowdrop, that is a big step.  :applause: Feels like inside, your self, is changing.

sanmagic7

 :yeahthat: - what both of them said.   :thumbup:  so glad you feel more like the adult you, asserting boundaries and all.  i think that's a huge step cuz it's one of the first ones taken away from us when we were young - our boundaries.  you go, hope!  love and hugs :hug:

Hope67

Hi Snowdrop, Marta and SanMagic - thank you all so much  :hug: :hug: :hug:
Hope  :)

Hope67

19th April 2020
I've been comfort eating quite a bit - on and off today - I feel a lot of surfacing emotions and feelings, and I guess there's a part of me that wants to bury them, or numb myself, hence turning to the comfort of food.  I really hope that I can tolerate things better tomorrow, and not reach for food as a comfort. 
Hope  :)

sanmagic7

that's something i wish nearly every day, hope.  i have to say, tho, that as i'm stabilizing, and realizing some of what's going on, then resolving it, i'm reaching for food less often as a comfort factor.  i believe that as we continue making progress, the food part will get fixed, too.  love and hugs, hope. :hug:

kdke

Quote from: Hope67 on April 19, 2020, 04:53:36 PM
19th April 2020
I've been comfort eating quite a bit - on and off today - I feel a lot of surfacing emotions and feelings, and I guess there's a part of me that wants to bury them, or numb myself, hence turning to the comfort of food.  I really hope that I can tolerate things better tomorrow, and not reach for food as a comfort. 
Hope  :)

I've been comfort eating a lot, too. Lucky for me, with the pandemic, my comfort eating part is OK with compromising certain treats lol. Other ones, though--well, we're working on it! Here's hoping your part and your Self will find a better balance, too.

Hope67

Hi SanMagic,
Thanks for sharing your experience and validation - I appreciate it very much.  xxx

Hi kdke,
Thank you for what you said, I appreciate it, and I agree that finding a better balance is the way to go.  I am also working on that.   :)

************
21st April 2020
I've had quite an emotional day, but it's also been a positive day too - so I'm glad for that.  I'm definitely 'feeling' more things, and trying to stay with the emotions, rather than numb or block them out, or distract, and it's been ok to do that. 

Hope  :)

marta1234

Hi Hope, wanted to hop on and just send you encouraging hugs, with all of the awareness you have been doing lately. I am glad you're feeling better, and are able to feel your emotions.  :hug:
I've also been comfort eating a lot, so I just wanted to say that you're not alone with this.