Taking those concrete beneficial steps

[Three Roses]

 

[sanmagic7]

wow, blueberry, you are really moving right along w/ your action focus.  kudos to you for knowing you do matter - i'm just coming to that for myself as well, and seeing you talking about it reinforced that point for me.  thanks for sharing that.

well done, my dear.     love and a hug full of acknowledgment for your progress.   

[Not Alone]

Good job being aware and giving yourself credit for you efforts. 

[Blueberry]

I noticed this evening how supremely difficult it is for me to remain in my body and to keep observing and/or feeling. So I think I need to take Points 1, 2, and 3 slowly and a little bit at a time, building up as I go. It's certainly beneficial to notice this, but also to remember Point 4: Keep attempting. It may not always work, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try again.

I did some more of 6 this evening in the sense that I stopped ruminating on the latest interaction with my neighbour and the garbage problem. I did and said what I did. That brought about a change in my neighbour's understanding of various things and a change in his actions. It also brought a little change in me. End of story. Get on with other stuff.

[Blueberry]

Today I didn't take a concrete beneficial step.  Well, Idk, maybe I did? I thought to myself having not gone to my doc's for a blood test that at least I could feel into why not. There was a one-word answer: "the needle". There is actually some medical trauma behind that, but I thought it was dealt with. Apparently not. So I guess, yes, I did do that one beneficial step, I just didn't explore any further. NTS: the one step on its own is enough! Especially considering the way it turned up: one clear word in a fog and nothing else.

I thought to myself that it would also be beneficial to do a round of eFT on forgiving or at least accepting myself for not going to the doc's, but I haven't done that. I feel so ashamed for not getting up and going. So ashamed I didn't even phone my doc's receptionists to apologise. It's not the first time I've not gone I'll end this now and at least attempt the EFT.

[Tee]

Baby steps Blueberry baby steps.    you know why missed that's good.  Give yourself some time it'll will be ok.  They will call you later to reschedule.
People miss all the time.

[Blueberry]

Thanks for hug and reminder of baby steps and that I'm not the only one, Tee. They actually won't call to reschedule. I'm going to have to deal with that myself.

Having written on here that I'd attempt EFT, I did do so and continued through with an alteration to the first sentence instead of giving up. I first tried "I accept myself for missing my appointment" but that didn't resonate so I changed to "I accept myself for missing my appointment because of the needle"  which really resonated. I started yawning like crazy. Then came "I accept and forgive myself..." so a further concrete step. Possibly I need to try again tomorrow to reinforce or just wait a while, Idk. I still cower into myself at the thought of phoning the doc's office.

But at least I'm impressing more and more into my brain - strengthening those pathways - of: I am able to change things for myself. I am not powerless and helpless. 

[Tee]

  you are strong and capable! Yeah for steps forward no matter the size.

[MoonBeam]

But at least I'm impressing more and more into my brain - strengthening those pathways - of: I am able to change things for myself. I am not powerless and helpless. 

Agreed Blueberry.  Using the tools at hand shows great strength.  I'm inspired by your success with EFT and by your perseverance. Stay strong.

[Not Alone]

I changed to "I accept myself for missing my appointment because of the needle"  which really resonated. I started yawning like crazy. Then came "I accept and forgive myself..." so a further concrete step.

But at least I'm impressing more and more into my brain - strengthening those pathways - of: I am able to change things for myself. I am not powerless and helpless. 

Fantastic awareness and great self-care. Good for you! 

[Three Roses]

 

[Blueberry]

Thanks to all for cheering me on! It helped me when I came on and thought: maybe my head feels like it's spinning round and I can hardly write anything because I've just been moving forwards?? Could be.

Today when out and about it occurred to me that I could attempt Screen Processing on the traumatic needle episode and see if that helps. Maybe I still need to do more work on it with my T too, but before my next appointment I could try and reduce the impact.

[sanmagic7]

all credit to you, blueberry.  honestly, i'm seeing so much determination in you that wasn't there before.  maybe determination isn't the right word, but you are systematically moving forward, urging yourself on, continuing on this path of action, and it does you great credit.     this blueberry is showing strength and courage, even in the rough moments, even when you aren't all the way there.  you're still coming back, making another attempt.  well done!!!   

sending love and a big hug full of shame-removal solution - paying it forward!   

[Blueberry]

This is a continuation from Three Good Things a Day. The list expanded so quickly once I got going that I decided to put it here. These Good Things are a result of the steps I've been taking recently   

5. Learning/discovering some new skills at the farm as well as on computer which means blockages are unblocking   
6. I'm better able to persevere in face of difficulty both at the farm and on the computer. This involves difficulty with machines and my hands, a huge topic resulting from various types of abuse.
7. I'm feeling the positive emotional affect of 5. and 6. I think sense of 'self-agency' in English. I feel better grounded and more a competent adult than a useless child. Aha! That means I'm seeing myself thru present day much healthier eyes instead of through FOO eyes. 

8. The letter the Tenants' Association sent to my landlord was suprisingly to the point, especially considering how triggering the appointment with the TA turned out. So obviously after their initial "don't think we can act here, you've already dealt with plumbing problem", they re-thought and made a good case for a few other problems I mentioned
9. I defended myself and my thoughts at the TA. I did not allow myself to be bulldozed.
10. I see my gardening neighbour planting more and more garden i.e. taking it over AND I'm staying pretty calm as well as talking to other neighbours in my head: "You have to deal with this. It's not my job. I'm not allowing you to move further into my space either in compensation. That's not on the cards!"
11. I started my contract work yesterday and I found some of it even kind of interesting. I have a solution for this evening if I'm still tying myself in knots: phone the farm and go up with the first bus tomorrow morning instead of tonight. That will lower my stress levels. It will also mean I won't be on hand to help so much with the first farm task, but such is life for the farm. My paid work always takes priority.

[Blueberry]

And more:

Thursday I asked my previous ll , a builder working on the house next door, if he would mind parking somewhere other than in front of my office and asking his other contract workers (e.g. plumbers) to do so too. When they park their tradesman vans outside my office nobody can see my advertising and it cuts light. There are other buildings in the road they could park in front of or at least do turn and turn about. Previous ll was friendly about it, said he'd pass the message on, though sometimes all possible spaces are taken up. Friday nobody parked in front of my office!! It worked. No aggro or stress involved. 

After some initial difficulty, my new business neighbour and I are building better rapport. However I'm mindful of not helping him too much, even if he asks. I don't have to act on his "You musts help to me to find an apartment in this town" and I won't except by correcting the major language mistakes in passing, since he's already asked me how he can improve his command of the local language. That I can do. But no free teaching, sorry.