Taking those concrete beneficial steps

[Blueberry]

Three (or more) Good Things today:

- Therapy
- I forgot to take my train discount pass with me today but the conductor didn't ask to see it, which is unusual but very lucky 
- After therapy and train ride home, I just had time to nick to the market and get something from the farm stall
- Allowing myself to sleep all afternoon inspite of the nice sunny weather
- My teaching went well this evening despite the fact that I hadn't prepared (oops)
- Choir practice - I had to force myself to go, but it did me good. My head still has traces of melody in it
- When I got back home, somebody had already put the garbages out and shut the inner front door properly It's often slightly ajar so good to note when somebody other than me does actually close it

[Not Alone]

 
I often sleep after therapy. It is exhausting. Glad you have a song in your head. 

[Blueberry]

I've decided to have another go at not commenting on so many other peoples' posts. 

NTS! I have been getting a bit better about not feeling I had to comment on more or less everybody's posts, but just reminding myself again.

Nevertheless there is so much I could be doing for myself atm - whether therapy and work-on-self or professional work, cleaning and tidying both apartment and office, practising my singing. And more! Like basic self-care which is often really difficult, going back up to the farm. Oh, I need to go to my GP, also the dentist. I think I need a hearing test and I definitely need to get some physio. I've been not getting round to that for over a year. And then of course getting on at ll to finally get that work finished, and other difficult stuff of that sort. Taxes. Other important forms.

ll has finally got that work done, which I'd been waiting months for. The head painter didn't come, fortunately, since he's similar to ll. No, a more junior painter came. He was fine.

A few days ago someone came from the LETS group and did a bunch of cleaning for me, so my apartment is in a much better state. I did some tidying before and afterwards and even threw out a bunch of papers    so I'm feeling better about that atm.

[sanmagic7]

blueberry, i think that was a great reminder for yourself, and i'm so glad for you that you're spending more time and energy on you, what you can do for you, what's best for you.  you deserve you most of all.    love and hugs, my dear.

[Sceal]

Good to hear that you're doing better than you were before.

Getting a place cleaned up is always nice. Even if doing the job itself is so challenging, and sometimes just impossible.

[Blueberry]

Thanks Sceal 

Progress continued today: placing my boundaries. I live and work in a pedestrian precinct. Cars and trucks are allowed in especially for delivery. But only tradesmen with special permits are allowed to park in front of most buildings, including my own. When my business neighbour took on his business, there were a lot of tradesmen in our street, parking in front of his place and mine. He grumbled about that. He didn't seem to notice any irony in the last idk 6 weeks that he parks in front of my place all Saturdays and some weekdays. He could park in front of his own, but no, he chooses mine.

He's not actually allowed to park in front of either of them. I did warn him that he might get a ticket but that didn't seem to faze him. Today I finally told him to please move his car away from the front of my business. He pleaded about "next time" Nope. In front of his own business or elsewhere. I guess he knows that a car in front of your business is bad for business because he drove his car elsewhere. A few weeks ago I was wondering how to address this issue and now I've done it   

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
That is really good that you got him to move his car, and I'm glad he listened to you that time.   
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thanks Hope!   

Despite the heavy-duty work in therapy on Wednesday, I'm doing pretty well. I'm managing to stay upright instead of succumbing to my bed most of the time and I'm also doing at least some professional work. I also find myself slowly doing things in my apartment. Though looking after myself is often an effort in these times, I find myself picking up papers and filing them in the bin or to keep, taking my compost down into the garden, taking a few items to a second-hand shop and that kind of thing. Those are small activities that help to keep me slightly, well, active.

Today a friend came by and helped me write the paragraphs I needed. Just in the final paragraph which was about how cptsd affects me, did I need to step away from the computer and allow her to take over the actual typing. Before that, she just made suggestions on more precise writing and better structure - things that are often hard for me when I feel stressed as with this application - and I typed them. But when it came to cptsd, my mind went blank.

[Not Alone]

  for confronting your neighbor about parking in front of your business.

The "small activities" are indeed an accomplishment, especially after deep work in therapy.
Glad your friend was there to help you. I certainly understand the mind going blank.

[Blueberry]

On Sunday and onto today I succumbed to sleep, bed, dozing. I didn't go to the farm. I didn't get up today until a student was coming. Yesterday I don't think I drank all day tho I have started again today.

It's possible that I just haven't given myself enough  for finally having that explanation I so desperately need finished. Well, I still have to print it out and attach it to the form, but otherwise it's done. And I have to deliver it. This early morning I thought that since I hadn't gone to the farm, I could deliver it instead. When will I learn? That's my usual punishment system. Why didn't I go to the farm? Combination of depression and too many things planned. So deciding to do something difficult on Monday that I'd planned for Tuesday is not going to help.

Well, now I'll go and buy myself some juice because if I mix it with water, it helps me to start drinking again properly. I'll probably buy something easy to prepare and eat too. I haven't been eating either.

[Three Roses]

Props to you for taking some steps in a helpful direction! 

[Blueberry]

Thanks 3 R   

___________________

Today I got on with more stuff, though it's difficult. I finally went to the optician's again to complain that I'm still not seeing properly. They finally took it seriously this time and re-tested my eyes and changed the numbers so I guess they made a mistake when they first tested my eyes. On top of that, the optician mentioned that the lenses were made wrongly so that my eyes were looking through an unfocussed bit when they're meant to be seeing into the distance.

I said I'd prefer to just go back to normal glasses for short-sightedness but he said I won't when the lenses are done properly. Here's hoping.

With that generally having gone well, I got up the courage and impetus to go and get myself a digital biometric passport photo so I can renew my passport, which is expiring in about a week. Oh dear, even if FOO had some 'emergency' I wouldn't be able to leave the country. I don't think I'd be going somehow anyway, so I'm not too cut up about the lack of a passport. Though it is better to have a valid one.

So those are two things off my To Do List.

I realise today (for not the first time) how not being able to see clearly in all situations has been slowing me down, making me depressed, and making me feel at a loss somehow. It was making everything more difficult. I'm rather, um, sensitive, but that's just the way I am.

[Three Roses]

 

I'm gonna pop in here and weigh in on the sensitivity issue. There are benefits to being sensitive, or being an HSP (highly sensitive person). We're more caring, can easily put ourselves in others' shoes, we're more insightful, and generally more aware of our surroundings and the people around us. We see and respond to beauty more often and more deeply. And that's just for starters! 😉

Granted, we may feel discomfort now and then, or face judgements from our less-than-sensitive friends and family. But I'll take that trade off any day over being clueless to others. You be you, Blueberry! You're awesome. ❤️

[Not Alone]

I hope when you get the new glasses your vision is better. I know that has been troubling you for quite awhile.  for going to the optician and letting them know you were having trouble seeing.

[Jazzy]

I hope when you get the new glasses your vision is better. I know that has been troubling you for quite awhile.  for going to the optician and letting them know you were having trouble seeing.

It's great you were able to go back and have them admit the mistake and get it fixed. Take care!