Taking those concrete beneficial steps

[Blueberry]

Thank you Snowdrop

I actually found a sachet of dried elderberry drink in my cupboard so I was able to make that. I can keep drinking tea too. Sage is meant to be good to gargle. I do have sage.

So now instead of 'gadding about', I'm indoors doing tiny, unstrenuous jobs which is good too. Yesterday on one of my forages, I found some dumped garden flowers like roses that were still good. I put them in vases yesterday, but today I arranged them in a nice way after cutting off dead heads, extraneous leaves etc. They look much nicer now One example of a tiny, unstrenuous job which brightens up my day and my apartment.

Yesterday I was out and about with a cargo bike, carting garden refuse including tree branches to the municipal garden refuse dump. I felt really good doing that, as is usually the case on the cargo bike. It feels empowering being on it   I can finally deal with things I used not to be able to do because I can't drive. Although many people including probably most mbrs on here can drive a car despite cptsd, there are various reasons why I think my inability is cptsd-related. I got a lot of flak and aggro from FOO, even from extended FOO, in the past about not being able to, just to add insult to injury.

[Snowdrop]

Have you ever tried using blackberry vinegar for a sore throat? It works well in hot water with honey. Thyme is good too.

Being on the cargo bike sounds really rewarding  .

[sanmagic7]

hey, blueberry, i don't drive anymore, don't know if i can anymore, and i do think it's c-ptsd related now.  i've been driving for about 55 yrs., it was my freedom and independence, but i don't think i can actually think quickly enough anymore to be in traffic.  scared i'll panic, make a wrong move, cause an accident.  just wanted to let you know, you're not alone, and that i agree that could be it for you.

however, it's nothing to be ashamed about.  dang, there are so many people on the road who don't belong there with their rage issues, etc.  i think it's a self-care thing, and a caring for others as well.  self-care in that you're aware that driving is not a safe thing for you, for whatever reason, so you've chosen not to do it.  i give you a lot of credit for that.  and poo on those who would put you down for it. (my opinion only).

i also give you credit for continuing to travel by bike to get to where you want to go.  well done!   lots of progress, too, in being able to do now what you weren't able to do before.  you go, girl!  sending love and a hug filled with spirit.     and hope your throat feels better soonest.

[Blueberry]

Snowdrop, no I've never even heard of blackberry vinegar before. Here, elderberry syrup is one of the things people use. I've never made either but maybe next year... Tomorrow is Monday, I can buy a lemon and some ginger root. One of my friends reckons she can throw off an impending cold by pouring boiling water over shredded ginger root and drinking. I take my anti-deps and things like that but I'm not really into normal anti-cold medicine, so I avoid all that .

As often as not, it's a sign I need to slow down a bit, cuddle up warm in bed and probably revise my priorities. Oh well, just the way it is.

Yep, the cargo bike feels rewarding, that's a good word for it. Sometimes when I'm on it, I have the feeling that this is what it must feel like to have a car. You can just keep piling more stuff onto it and you can still stop enroute and add something else. Not possible with just a bike rack and panniers. There's a freedom aspect to it. I no longer have to put up with not being able to do things, like clear all those branches etc out of the garden that my neighbour didn't 'have time' or the inclination to do, and I no longer have to ask people for help, some of whom then use that as an opportunity to criticise me for not having a car or license.

Thanks san for your words. Some ideas in there I'd never even thought of. 

[Jazzy]

You're certainly not alone with the driving. I ended up having my driver's license taken. While I could probably go get it back now, I don't think its a very good idea. Sorry your FOO gives you trouble about that, but you know what is best for you, so don't listen to them!

Its great you have a cargo bike to hold all your extra nature, and I'm sure many other things. That sounds like a great example of overcoming your inabilities. Good job!

I hope your throat feels better soon, and it doesn't interfere with your singing too much. I was always told to gargle extremely salty water (not swallow it), maybe that would help too?

Take care!

[Snowdrop]

I hope you're feeling better, Blueberry.

[Blueberry]

Thanks Snowdrop     I'm just taking it slowly. Sitting at my computer in the sun atm but often lying in bed.

[Snowdrop]

That sounds like a good idea. Sending you love, hugs and get well soon wishes.

[Blueberry]

An additional constructive, beneficial activity I'd like to integrate at least a couple of times a week is singing warm-up exercises. I have them written out in my little book but I hardly ever do any at home. ...Before one of my choir practices would be a good idea and then see when else during the week or day it could be good to take a little break and do one or two exercises. 5 - 10 minutes and it's done.

NTS: It's possible that this idea was too much after all. I notice I can't write more though I have more thoughts on it.

[Blueberry]

I decided this afternoon it was time to feel better and get on with a few things other than lying in bed dozing and reading. I am teaching this evening but thought it would be better to get up beforehand.

When I look at anything I ought to be doing work-wise, my energy disappears. I will teach later. I taught yesterday 2 times. But anything else including writing homework, renewing a contract

Non-work: I took a load of books back to the library, I tried to take some new books a club I'm in is donating but I'd forgotten that the library is closed today. At least I tried though.
I watered my roses and blackcurrants. I ought to cut them back a bit. Maybe tomorrow. Or Saturday.

I need to do laundry, which is something I usually can do fairly easily. But now for weeks I haven't done any.

On the positive side, I did do a few things. I also noticed that for some reason I seem to still need time to regroup.

[Blueberry]

I remembered something from my past while teaching this evening. My exam students all have to give a presentation in a foreign language. This evening's student is nervous and gets quieter and quieter till inaudible. While I was encouraging him to speak up - really interesting, unusual topic - go for it!!, I remembered myself at school and even in uni, struggling to speak loudly enough, struggling not to lose my train of thought. It was not easy!

At uni, when asked by a prof to please speak up so my fellow students could hear, I replied that is was probably better they didn't hear. I really believed my presentation was so bad, it was better not to hear it. 

I'm glad I don't have any students this year who seem so negative and self-destructive. In fact as I think on it, the parents of this evening's student are supporting him instead of being destructive towards him. Even before they sent him to me, they bought him some additional books to try and help him. It makes me feel a little sad thinking about that. I suppose it's sadness for myself all those years ago not getting much support from home at all. Mostly instead totally useless comments like "Your brother didn't have trouble, so why do you?"

Anyway, as usual teaching gave me some energy

[Jazzy]

Sorry to hear the library is closed; that's disappointing. Hopefully your student does well with the presentation. That can be a really tough thing to get through. Sounds like you're in a good position to help, as you know what it is like first hand to be so nervous. Your FOO doesn't get it; that's just an insulting comment.

Glad to hear you got some energy from teaching. All the best with the laundry!

[Blueberry]

I came on the forum to write something for myself. I ended up writing one of my needlessly long posts to somebody else instead

Good things today: (1) I did do a load of laundry.

(2) Instead of going for a  when I said I would, I decided to stay upright and look for the next easiest thing to do. So in fact I did a number of small easy-ish tasks, some of which better to do on Friday eve than Saturday because shops etc. less crowded. I washed the dishes too.

I saw on my professional association forum that somebody is looking for help with a small project, work that I probably could do. But I noticed while thinking about it, that I started fiddling with my hair which is not a good sign. It would need to be done tonight or tomorrow and I have a number of things on my list already. Well, I can think on it. Or pm the person with: contact me if you can't find anybody else. Yes, I think I'll do that.

[Blueberry]

Funny how writing on here can help me sort things. Pm'd mbr from my professional association, didn't even write 'if nobody else can do it' which is maybe a tad self-deprecating.

Anyway I originally came on here this evening to write something totally different.

I'm still having a lot of trouble using my own shower. Tonight I can go over to a friend's and use her bath and I hope to be able to propel myself over there. It's not far at all.

Back on Oct. 7th, I wrote: "Aside from my apartment being messy and dirty, I don't feel that well in it for cptsd-related reasons. I've had this before: not feeling safe somehow. One of my neighbours - the new business - mentioned a few weeks ago that he'd heard me showering.     My shower is above his place of business, but I can't help that. I also sometimes shower in the middle of the day, mostly because it takes me a while to psych myself up. So that's put me off showering." I  know what else is bothering me in connection with this neighbour but it's so hard to write. Partly I think "Excuse me, what was that remark about??" Why tell your neighbour you heard her showering?? But there's other stuff going on there too, making it hard for me to let the incident go and shower as normal. Well, I always had trouble with showering, I just hadn't been expecting it to get worse.

[Aphotic]

Funny how writing on here can help me sort things. Pm'd mbr from my professional association, didn't even write 'if nobody else can do it' which is maybe a tad self-deprecating.

Anyway I originally came on here this evening to write something totally different.

I'm still having a lot of trouble using my own shower. Tonight I can go over to a friend's and use her bath and I hope to be able to propel myself over there. It's not far at all.

Back on Oct. 7th, I wrote: "Aside from my apartment being messy and dirty, I don't feel that well in it for cptsd-related reasons. I've had this before: not feeling safe somehow. One of my neighbours - the new business - mentioned a few weeks ago that he'd heard me showering.     My shower is above his place of business, but I can't help that. I also sometimes shower in the middle of the day, mostly because it takes me a while to psych myself up. So that's put me off showering." I  know what else is bothering me in connection with this neighbour but it's so hard to write. Partly I think "Excuse me, what was that remark about??" Why tell your neighbour you heard her showering?? But there's other stuff going on there too, making it hard for me to let the incident go and shower as normal. Well, I always had trouble with showering, I just hadn't been expecting it to get worse.

I'm sorry, Blueberry.. I can really sympathise with you. It's really sucky when the task that is meant to keep us healthy and looked after has been damaged by others. I wish I could send you some boxes of strength and safety.