Taking those concrete beneficial steps

[Blueberry]

A new Journal for me out of the blue. I mean the idea came out of the blue this morning.

This is to be Journal where I do, where I act and note that, instead of discussing things with myself. At least I'll consciously try to take those actual steps.

The background to this new step was a discussion with my T on Wednesday and my thoughts since then. So I go 2-3 times per quarter. I could get more therapy, a T could apply for this for me, but for that I would have to find a new T. That's just part of health care regulations here. My T even gave me some names of therapists I could try in his own city. Yesterday on the forum somebody mentioned hoping for "Fix me" from someone. That's part of my scenario too. I admit it. So taking concrete steps is a way to practise the opposite.

I don't always do my T homework. My T is easy on that, knowing that neither internal and external pressure are good for me. He probably assumes I have to get there in my own time (as I'm doing now ) even though that might take aaaaaages.

So what homework could I be doing:

1) Sitting with feelings instead of acting on them
2) Exploring my feelings when I have an urge to eat
3) Exploring my feelings just before I go food-shopping
4) Keep attempting 2. and 3. even though they're difficult and I can't feel much at all.

What steps of my own choosing could I be doing:
5) Practise very basic self-care e.g. going to bed early enough, brushing teeth regularly etc.
6) Adjust self-talk to reflect current reality not FOO's reality
7) Simple spontaneous yawning and stretching
8 ) Even singing/voice exercises? since they also involve yawning and stretching AND it's an area outside therapy where doing homework would be beneficial.

That's all that occurs to me for the moment. But it's enough.

[Blueberry]

I haven't done most of this. Just a bit of 2) while actually having my breakfast. Feeling into what I'm eating - what is this particular food doing for me nutrition-wise (answer: not much) and allowing myself to throw out the rest of it. And then eat some fruit - much healthier.

5) Very basic self-care would involve taking a shower and I haven't done that. Sometimes life gets in the way 

Beyond that I did do other things so as to avoid showering. I even did some vacuuming, something else I tend to put off. I could do 1) here sometime: sit and feel into why I'm avoiding showering OR what I can do to propel myself into doing so anyway.

What I have done however is: Phone my landlord and negotiate further about work 'done' but not completed.
And after getting a date and time from the plumbers, I immediately wrote an email to my neighbour cc my landlord asking neighbour for access to her apartment on the day the plumbers are coming. I also found that handy button in my email program that allows me to require neigbour and landlord to confirm receipt. (The kind of thing I can't find when I need it. Maybe writing immediately after speaking to plumber helped me have that strength, Idk.)

[LittleBlueBird]

Hi Blueberry, I really like the idea behind your journal. I might make mine an action focussed journal too.

Well done for getting that email sent.

[Tee]

Way to take action Blueberry good luck

[sunflower38]

This is a great idea for a journal, Blueberry!

My therapist and I talk a lot about feelings and letting myself have emotions instead of bottling them up. Right now we're on the step of naming my emotions when they come to me (like, I am anxious. I feel frustrated. etc.). I don't do anything about the emotions when they come but I found that naming them helps me for some reason.

Nice job on sending out that email! Have you ever tried stimming?

[sanmagic7]

nice idea, blueberry.  an action journal.

you mentioned something about an action taken in my journal the other day, and i was impressed that you noted that and acknowledged it.  i hadn't thought of it that way, but i can see how it has benefitted me in my life.  so i pass that along to you, the encouragement and support for action as a means of dealing w/ our stressors, symptoms, thoughts, and feelings.  well done, sweetie!     love and a hug full of action - as much as you need when you need it.   

[Three Roses]

  *yoink!* (that's the sound of me stealing your idea!) 

[Blueberry]

Have you ever tried stimming?

I doubt it because I don't know what stimming even is!

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
I like the title of your new Journal, and I'd like to wish you the best with taking those concrete and beneficial steps.   
Also sending you a hug, and want you to know how grateful I am that you're here, and that I wish you the best going forward and taking those steps.   
Hope 

[sunflower38]

Stimming is pretty much what you listed earlier of yawning/stretching/moving. I think of it as just moving the body in any way as an impulse to deal with emotions or feeling overwhelmed. Some pretty common ones are tapping a pencil, biting nails, chewing gum, playing with hair, etc. If my mind feels jumbled and there's too much going on I like to get up and just move my whole body around or do some stretches.

[Deep Blue]

Congrats on your new journal and your continued journey! 

[Blueberry]

Stimming is pretty much what you listed earlier of yawning/stretching/moving. I think of it as just moving the body in any way as an impulse to deal with emotions or feeling overwhelmed. Some pretty common ones are tapping a pencil, biting nails, chewing gum, playing with hair, etc. If my mind feels jumbled and there's too much going on I like to get up and just move my whole body around or do some stretches.

Moving my body to deal with emotions is good if I get up and move spontaneously however the impulses are. But I try to be aware of and stop any movement leading to self-harm. Playing with hair leads me to start pulling it out, which is definitely a no-no though I still do it fairly often, so is scratching. Biting nails is self-harm which I fortunately managed to stop doing at some point.

Sometimes when my mind feels jumbled I do something easy but constructive with my hands like wash the dishes or pull moss out of the grass in the garden or even do some weeding. Often while washing dishes I listen to music and move around spontaneously to that too while the dishes sit in the sink waiting for me.

It's interesting that you mention chewing gum! Maybe my over-eating is a type of stimming, at least partially? Anyway that's something I will explore elsewhere. This is my action Journal.

[Blueberry]

  *yoink!* (that's the sound of me stealing your idea!) 

It's not copyrighted or patented.  You're welcome to start your own.

Thanks so much Hope! Putting my Mod hat on briefly - it's heart-warming to hear from time to time that my presence and activity here are appreciated whether moderating or doing my own posts. Mod hat off again. I think you have recently started a new Journal too and I wish you continued healing as you move forward.

Thanks to you san and Deep Blue too, Tee and LittleBlueBird.   

[Blueberry]

Therapy homework
1) Sitting with feelings instead of acting on them
2) Exploring my feelings when I have an urge to eat
3) Exploring my feelings just before I go food-shopping
4) Keep attempting 2. and 3. even though they're difficult and I can't feel much at all.

What steps of my own choosing could I be doing:
5) Practise very basic self-care e.g. going to bed early enough, brushing teeth regularly etc.
6) Adjust self-talk to reflect current reality not FOO's reality
7) Simple spontaneous yawning 

I attempted 3) though didn't get very far ie. didn't feel anything. But I tried. Did again in the grocery store and at least avoided any impulse buying so that's a success
I did 2) after I got back from grocery store before I even put the few items away. I did it using a new method somebody told me about yesterday. The method got me onto 7) yawning right away. Earlier in the day I did some of 5) by getting up and staying up and finally having a shower and washing my hair. Also washed the dishes. doing that semi-regularly helps keep me out of depression and makes sensible, healthy eating easier.

Also did a few other items off my To Do list, things I don't do that often e.g. took some stuff to a charity shop and looked around for some additional tops for me while there. I didn't buy anything that sort of fit but not very well. Didn't slip back into old behaviour:cheer: Keeping clear of FOO beliefs like "it's only Blueberry, it doesn't matter". Not that that was always their attitude towards my clothing but in some clothing contexts and that's what stuck. Tried on 6 tops, bought 1. Might have bought a 2nd one if it had been cheaper. Decided it wasn't my choice at that price.  I and what I decide and my clothing choices do matter!

I also had a little chat with one of my new neighbours. His predecessors moved out and left a bunch of stuff especially painting supplies. I put some of that out for garbage collection on Thursday; some of the stuff actually got collected some didn't, because packaged wrong, wrong type on wrong day etc. Instead of taking it back into the building on Thursday afternoon, I decided to act like everybody else in the building and ignore it. So my neighbour in the building, also with a little business, asked me about it today and I got him as far as saying he'll deal with it. He even produced the correct sack for one type of garbage, after claiming he didn't have that type of sack. He asked me what day that type gets collected and I told him where to go to find it out (don't know off by heart myself!) and suggested he could ask anybody else in the building since everybody else gets a garbage collection schedule annually, the same as me and his predecessors.

He wasn't especially happy about any of it because having a pile of garbage outside his business (though not blocking the door) could put customers off, doesn't look nice etc. I know all about that and have written on here extensively about it and how neighbours didn't see any problem with dumping their garbage outside my office.  I said to the neighbour today that this way I got his attention and it's the only way to do so.

I'm remembering back to explaining to people (possibly even FOO) that the only way to show B1 I didn't agree with his use of PA was to refuse to talk to him, which I kept up for a good number of months though we both still lived in the same house with FOO. They certainly noticed but didn't change their behaviour. This time not only did my neighbour notice, but he also acted on it after a short period of denial and refusal etc. So here I'm doing 6) too - adjusting self-talk along with noticing that dealing with neighbour was not as bad as dealing with FOO. I didn't feel as if I was banging my head on a brick wall with frustration and still not getting anywhere.

[Tee]

 
Good job Blueberry
Keep up the good self care!