otoh I do realise I'm making tons of other progress atm. I haven't even written it here but I'm working on improving my advertising and also my office front. That's a huge step!! Even contemplating having real profressional advertising including logo in my office window is huge. There was a time when the mere suggestion or teeniest idea in my own head would set off ICr with "you might as well do away with yourself". Maybe it wasn't ICr even Idk. The whole idea of being so visible made me feel so vulnerable it was just too much and my age-old method of dealing was to disappear in some way. Anyway, the point is I'm way beyond any of that now.

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Also something else I'm thinking about, hoping an answer will come to me.
I have a T appointment on Thursday, early, entailing leaving the house before 8 am. I emailed my T today saying I might have to forego, he thought that was a good idea but gave me an appointment for December. But now I'm wondering: if eating disorder was the problem, then I'm not really ill. Maybe I should go on Thursday? It's not as if I get tons of appointments. Aside from discussing eating disorder, there was actually something else on the agenda, and if nothing else at least I wanted to ask him for a letter of explanation for some department or other on why cptsd is preventing me from working enough to earn my living. Also I could try and explore the reasons behind my absolute exhaustion at the idea of exercise. B1 turns up in my head. Yeah well. It would be worth looking at though.
On the weekend I had planned to take my godson on an outing that I'm sure he's been looking forward to and while I was still healthy, I was too. I got free tickets from a unemployed group I used to go to and the transportation is organised by them. Not an opportunity that shows itself every day.
I doubt very much I'd manage therapy and this outing. T is not in my hometown. It's an hour away by train and then back. I feel kind of selfish for thinking about therapy instead of the outing.
otoh it's not as if my godson is deprived or anything. His family take him on plenty of outings and would even consider paying me the entrance fee to take him next year. It's a fearfully expensive place. Well, having written about it might help me sort out the issue and come to a decision. It could also be that everything I was doing last week was just too much. Eating too much of the wrong things is a kind of crutch anyway, maybe I was using that to get over doing too many difficult activities? Could be.