Re: Loneliness

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Rainstorm11

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Re: Loneliness
« on: July 28, 2019, 06:27:07 PM »
Frankly I am having anxiety attacks and aversion in response to even thinking about my father. On the other hand he's one person who listens. He's changed some. I just know that he always creeped me out.

*** Trigger Warning ***

At 5 he masterbated in front of me. At 11 he got in bed with me and demanded I roll over towards him but I refused and he stomped off. I definitely don't like him touching me.
He made me question every male relationship and during and after sexual abuses I always thought all men would rape me. I went from promiscuous behaviors to times of complete aversion to sex. I hate my tendency to over-sexualize every relationship and have been in dangerous situations.
Basically it all goes back to feeling like that's what I am just a sexual object. I have worked on this and considered cutting all ties with him. This has ruined so many relationships. I want better or be single. I can't even think of dating.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2019, 09:50:55 PM by Blueberry »

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Tee

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Re: Re: Loneliness
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2019, 06:45:07 PM »
I'm sorry that's rough  :hug: it shouldn't have happened  :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Loneliness
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2019, 08:58:48 PM »
Rainstorm,

Your anxiety and aversion are very understandable. I'm wondering if you are currently seeing a therapist? You are dealing with really heavy issues.

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Rainstorm11

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Re: Loneliness
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2019, 09:41:59 PM »
Thanks for all. Yes I am in weekly therapy and have a psychiatrist. It seems like I have been dealing with a heavy load since 5 years old.

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Rainstorm11

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Re: Loneliness
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2019, 11:44:16 PM »
Very sorry to whomever felt triggered or saw my post as having graphic details. I now know how to handle it. Again I am so sorry and wish you are well.