Hello

[Tee]

My T always says that it's good to let it out. It's very triggering for me and hard to do.  It has happened a few times in therapy though.

[woodsgnome]

Even if crying were admitting weakness (which I don't think it is), judging it as good/bad/indifferent I think can miss the mark -- that there was/is something that felt overwhelming, and a natural form of release -- crying -- can result; whether it was wanted or not, judged as a flaw or not, it seems built into the human system.

Accepting this goes against many taboos, though. But once the pressure builds, and if a good cry ensues, there's nothing wrong with that. The flip is that sometimes even what seems incredibly hard to bear doesn't result in tears,for a variety of reasons.

I was numb and afraid of every sort of emotion, including crying. Finally at a small but intense workshop the tears just burst; I never thought I could cry like that. While that didn't 'fix' anything, it diminished my fear of allowing my deepest emotions to be expressed. Mind you, I was in a situation where I'd learned to trust that I wouldn't be shunned for it.

Still, it provided enough cathartic relief to not consider it a weakness anymore. I still don't cry a lot; though admittedly it seems sometimes tears are close at hand, which to me just indicates I do indeed have pain and sorrow working in my system.

And it's alright to feel that way, it's not shameful or out of sorts to do so. And perhaps, instead of weakness, it only shows that there's a residue of strength, no matter how it shows. Maybe I'm foolish for feeling that way, but more important is accepting it as a sign that I can turn my emotional mess around, starting with self-acceptance.

I hope you can start turning the corner with some of the deep pain that is evident in your posts. 

[Rainstorm11]

Hi. I am new, too. I am sorry for your abuse and glad that you're taking a brave step to reach out.