Hi, Rainstorm11 ...

Hoping you can find this forum a place of refuge and relief from wandering so alone for so long with this.
I know that abandonment/dissociation setup as well, and I know others here point to those hardships as well. While our reactions can be very unique, they all come back to one thing -- it hurts, and it's hard to share because a huge part of our trust was broken.
I've been pretty tempted to just shut down completely, many times over. Fortunately, I usually find something to boost my mood back towards reassembling my shattered soul.
A huge part of that boost comes from relating to the info and stories shared on this site and forum. Although much of what we go through is senseless, casting an eye over the material and people here can at least allow us a glimpse of the road out of this *.
I hope you find your experience here helpful as you struggle to find refuge from all the hurt and confusion.