Hello everyone

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Human

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Hello everyone
« on: August 04, 2019, 02:49:35 AM »
You can call me human. I am a female in my late 20īs.

Iīve been dealing with mental health issues for most of my life and received a million different diagnoses ranging from Borderline Personalty Disorder to Schizoaffective Disorder. As I got into my mid 20īs, I finally found a psychologist who realized that the darkness within me stems from the darkness I experiences growing up. Suddenly things made sense: My distrust in everyone, the nightmares, the fear, the sadness, ......

Iīve was physically and sexually abused from an early age by my mother and one of her boyfriends. Interestingly, the real * didnīt start until I got older. I didnīt understand the concept of abuse, but the darkness took a hold of me regardless. It wasnīt until my teenage years that I realized that something was terribly wrong at home and ran away. Years passed before I realized the pain and insanity inside of me were never meant to be. I wasnīt born like that.

Now, let me tell you, I am doing a lot better these days. Iīve been in and out of institutions, haven taken every antipsychotic, antidepressant, and mood stabilizer under the sun, and have seen more psychologists and psychiatrist than I can remember. They even tried ECT on me when I was too lost to care. While still fragile, I am now able to financially support myself, live on my own, and use the tools Iīve been given to deal with myself and the world when things turn dark again.

However, the darkness still lingers somewhere inside my brain. It is waiting for an opportunity to come back. To pull me into my own *. To make me forget what is real and what is not. To make me suffer. And thatīs why I am here. I want to prevent this from happening.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2019, 02:52:11 AM by Human »

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Tee

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2019, 02:58:44 AM »
Welcome human hope you can find some support here to keep the darkness at bay. Welcoming gentle hug if that's ok.  Lots of stories, info, and kind people here.  :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2019, 04:48:00 AM »
Welcome, human! I'm glad you joined us.  :wave:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2019, 04:50:27 AM »
Hello Human, and welcome!

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Human

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2019, 01:44:17 PM »
Thanks for the warm welcome. I hope everyone is doing well. I can't wait to read and write more.

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woodsgnome

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2019, 04:32:09 PM »
Greetings, Human  :wave:

Thanks for the well-spoken intro concerning the sorts of darkness many here know too well. I noted your gradual realization, once you were older, that what before just didn't feel right was indeed abusive treatment. 

My experience was like that, also being from the m and she pulled this off for 9 years after, then 'turned me over' to an awful private school. Ugh, and more -- but this is about you; I only relate some of my background as it resembles what befell you.

On this forum, I hope you'll feel free to roam around, sift information, and read the forum to get a handle on these circumstances, and what can (and can't) help as we vie for a chance at 'normal' lives.

Again, welcome.

 

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Human

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2019, 01:55:47 AM »
Hi Woodsgnome,

On one hand, I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has been struck by this insanity called trauma. It makes me feel less crazy and less separated from the world. On the other hand, I really donīt wish this * on anyone and I am sorry that you had to go through abuse and the pain that comes with it.

Thanks for saying hi.

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notalone

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2019, 02:00:57 AM »
 :heythere: Welcome

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Hope67

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2019, 02:54:37 PM »
Welcome Human,
Hope  :)