Managing Abandonment Depression

[BeHea1thy]

by Pete Walker 5/6/2011

https://www.eastbaytherapist.org/article-blog/849536

Pete refers to this article within http://pete-walker.com/pdf/GrievingAndComplexPTSD.pdf posted by Kizzie under Information about Affective Dysregulation.

[Tee]

Thanks for posting.  I think this is my problem. and I'm currently out of adrenaline.  Sent that part to my T so I guess we will have some thing to talk about this week.

[Sasha]

I was about to start a post about this and then saw this thread.

I am struggling with this concept a bit, or rather struggling to comprehend what I can personally do to help myself with this.

Certain emotional incidents cause severe and harsh abandonment depression for me, and it is very consuming. I have read this article a number of time and I feel like I understand more about why I fall into that big dark whole but now I really really want a rope to help me climb out of it.

From the article I can't find much insight on how to help manage this on my own?

[SharpAndBlunt]

I've read quite a lot about abandonment depression but still I fall into it from time to time. It scares me because it creeps up on me until I can't ignore it and it affects everything. I understand what it is and where it comes from but every time I experience it if feels brand new and very intense.

[dreamriver]

I was about to start a post about this and then saw this thread.

From the article I can't find much insight on how to help manage this on my own?

This is really tricky to understand in the moment, and I'm trying to work on it myself when the abandonment depression comes up.

Like Walker says, working through "grief/mourning" is "nebulous." I can definitely say it's nebulous when the emotions first hit me (or "creep up" on me, like SharpAndBlunt said, which is more often than not). It's hard to put your finger on it all....when the emotions strike me is when I'm caught most off-guard, and then when I move deeper into them, I realize more and more what they might mean but only after they take hold and are overwhelming at first (which suuuuuucks)

One thing I'm trying to do is "grieve" the "death" of my childhood as if it were a child outside of myself that I once knew. I think that helps me rationalize/objectify/understand what's happening better when I'm in the "pit," as long as I can learn/get better to rediscovering that perspective. Grieving someone who is dead is not a straightforward process, it never heals you completely and permanently (just like CPTSD). But Walker describing it as "grief" helped me put it more in perspective, that I will have to reframe my emotions over, and over, and over and work through them....there will always be a deep, dark pit you fall into, but you can learn how to shorten the rope or climb up it faster. That's how I look at it...

[Marian82]

I think i have this and described this to my mum as falling into a dark hole, with only scary memories and a flight/fight instinct. I feel so worthless, full of shame, alone, unloved and i cant trust people. Im afraid God doesnt want me, my parents dont love me.

I fell into this constantly in the month before mum died and couldnt be there for her or my dad as i should have. I was even angry at her for stupid past things.

I dont know how to deal with it...it is the most terrifying feeling in the world.