Snowdrop's journal

[woodsgnome]

What you've been sharing is a marvelous illustration of the up-side of due diligence with your parts. Too often my tendency has been to let things slide with some parts I've accessed, to where they begin to feel abandoned again. But you have stuck to the routine of checking up and in on how things are going. Kudos  for your devotion in doing so.

So yes, there's certainly hyper-vigilance of the negative sort -- I've known that one too well sometimes, resulting in self-hate instead of compassion and self-forgiveness. What you're showing instead is a just-right vigilance, in the best, most caring and patient sense of that term.

Many thanks for reporting on these successes. It's encouraged me to reassess my own approach to healing these parts of my lost inner self. 

[Snowdrop]

Thanks, Woodsgnome. I appreciate your words, and I'm glad this is helping you.

I think checking in with the parts every day is quite key. Here's a paragraph from the IFS book:

Burdens can return after unburdening. They generally do so for one of these reasons: (1) The part was not fully witnessed; (2) the part felt abandoned by the Self in the days following the unburdening; (3) protectors were threatened by the unburdening and brought the burden back; (4) other parts may carry the same burden and need an opportunity to be witnessed and unburdened, too; (5) something scary happened shortly after the unburdening and the part wanted to return to the familiar, or else other parts attributed that fright to the unburdening and brought the burden back; or (6) a legacy burden remains, absorbed from one or more ancestors. If a burden returns, protectors are likely to be discouraged and discouraging about unburdening again. In response, we assure everyone inside that this is not unusual and that we now have an opportunity to make an important addition to the process of unburdening.

I don't want burdens to return, and checking in with the parts every day seems like the best way of mitigating that possibility. Nearly each day I ask them if there's anything they want to share with me, or if they're ready to unburden a bit more.

Today's IFS journey was quite short again. All parts are well

[Snowdrop]

Another short IFS journey today. All retrieved parts are well.

The 5 year old told me that I no longer need to visit her every day as she feels very secure with me. Going back through my journal, I retrieved her on 15th November, which is just under 4 weeks ago. The IFS book says: "the exile usually trusts the Self and feels firmly connected with it after 3 weeks to a month". The 5 year old saying this is in line with these timescales. I wonder if I should keep checking in with her for a little while longer though, just to make sure.

[Snookiebookie2]

Well done Snowdrop 

You seem to be making lots of progress.

So pleased for you x 

[Snowdrop]

Thanks Snookie.

Another short IFS journey today to check in with the retrieved parts. They all seem to be OK.

[sanmagic7]

snowdrop, it's so wonderful how this is progressing for you.  so glad for you and all your parts.     very cool.  love and hugs

[Snowdrop]

Thanks San .

I've noticed some progress. It was the election results day yesterday, and even though the results weren't what I wanted, I was fine. I wasn't triggered and I just accepted it. I don't want to get into politics in my journal. I'm just saying this to note progress.

IFS journey.

The 6 year old told me that she would have loved to dress up like a princess, but she was scared of drawing attention to herself. I witnessed her experiences, and she unburdened. I asked her if there was anything she wanted, and she said that she'd love a princess dress, so I gave her one. I saw her running around wearing it, looking so happy.

The 11 year old also had issues around clothes and her appearance. I witnessed her experiences, and she took the burdens from her body and put them in a box. She wasn't ready to fully unburden today, but will another time.

All other parts are well.

[woodsgnome]

Reading your reports here reminds me of how strong some triggers of mine can easily unsettle me. Thus while I was originally intrigued with the Internal Family Systems therapeutic modes, I also resisted based on just that one word -- family.

I bought a book on it and everything, yet I couldn't get into it. The hangup may sound simplistic, even dumb; but I went cold at the thought of any therapy incorporating the word 'family.'

Now, thanks to what you've discussed here, I still freak a little at the 'family' word -- yet I'm also realizing that by doing so I was trapping my own original 'parts' back in the original trauma where that f word meant danger on all fronts. It was like my consciousness had a trap door; and each time by just hearing that word it was activated, sending me plummeting. Logically, I'm sure this sounds silly, but it's probably just a natural reaction to having had my entire emotional life undone by my FOO.

Now I can still freak out, but in a more minor way, while still choosing to go back to bring forward my own bruised parts into the light of a wonderful new 'family' where healing and love are the key players.

I'm guessing this might sound odd, but I've a ton of 'ordinary' words that can instantly alarm me just hearing them. I know -- hypervigilance, for sure.

I hope this makes sense. Mainly, though, I want to give you this --  -- for having the courage to share from your own learning process what it's like to make the 'family' word safe again. This has helped in an area -- inner child work -- that I'd had difficulty with. Thank you so much.

[Not Alone]

Snowdrop,
Yeah for the six year old in her princess dress.

My Littles also have issues about clothing.

[Snowdrop]

I'm glad it's helped, woodsgnome . Your words don't sound odd at all. I can completely understand that word being triggering, and it being hard to get past it as a result.

IFS is sometimes known as Self-therapy or Self-leadership. I wonder if thinking about it under one of these names would help? Your burdened parts would still receive the same love, compassion and healing, and the part that freaks out at the f word might find the focus on Self easier and safer. Just something that occurred to me when I read your post.

I can completely understand your Littles having similar issues, notalone. You always impress me with the care and compassion you show to them, and I've learned a lot from you.

I checked in with the retrieved parts this afternoon. All are doing well. The 6 year old is still running around wearing her princess dress.

[sanmagic7]

let's hear it for little princess dresses and the little princesses inside them!     too adorable!

love and hugs, snowdrop.

[Snowdrop]

Thanks San!

I've had hypervigilant thoughts rattling round my head over the past couple of days. [I removed some details which no longer need to be here]. I think that people here will understand.

At the heart of it, there's a part that thinks I should always do what I'm told, so on today's IFS journey I had a chat with it.

The part is a protector that thinks that if I always do what I'm told, I'll be accepted and kept safe. It said it was protecting the 6 year old, so I took the protector to see her.

The 6 year old was dancing about in her princess dress, so the protector part knows that she no longer needs it's protection. It's not quite ready to completely give up its role yet, but hopefully it will over the next few days. When I left, it had settled down to watch the sun set.

All other retrieved parts are well.

[Hope67]

Hi Snowdrop,
I understand - and well done for self-care in deciding what feels best for yourself in relation to that card. 
Sending you a hug 
Hope 

[Snowdrop]

Thanks, Hope. That's exactly what I needed to hear. Your words helped my thoughts settle.

I've been feeling on the edge of stress today. There's family stuff, work stuff, plus it's that time of year. I think that a person without cptsd would also be feeling a bit stressed, so the fact I only feel on the edge of it is pretty good. Also, I'm paying attention to whether I might be blended with a part, and when I am, I'm communicating with that part and asking it to step aside. I can give attention to parts without them overwhelming me.

I am so thankful I learned about IFS.

I've checked in with the retrieved parts, and they all seem OK.

[Blueberry]

I've had hypervigilant thoughts rattling round my head over the past couple of days. M suggested to me that I send HB's wife a card for her birthday next year. I'm not in contact with HB or his wife, and haven't been for over five years. Sending a card would make me feel extremely unsafe, as it would feel as though I'm opening the door to contact. I want to keep that door well and truly shut, so I'm not doing it. It's self-care. But then I wonder if I'm being a meanie. So much anguish over a card! But I think that people here will understand.

I for one do understand that totally! Congratulations on your self-care!
Not in contact means not in contact, whether or not others want to understand. You're not being a meanie, you're protecting yourself!