Snowdrop's journal

[Not Alone]

Yes, be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself. 

[Hope67]

This has helped. I feel calm again, more in control. I think I have a lot going on over the next couple of weeks that would be hard for someone without cptsd. I recognise that I'm at a disadvantage. I need to do whatever I can to soothe the parts who are upset. Maybe some of this can be a vehicle for unburdening.

I will be gentle with myself, and do whatever I can to take care of myself.

This is great Snowdrop, I want to say  and also extend a hug as well    I also wanted to say that reading your processing in your journal helped me to feel brave enough to post my own, and it was helpful and feels ok to have done that.  So thank you!

I know you're having a challenging week - with the things you mentioned, and I hope very much that the situations you need to deal with will go ok. 

Hope 

[Snowdrop]

Thank you so much for being there, Notalone.

Thank you, Hope. I appreciate the support, and I'm so glad that what I wrote helped you.

I'm feeling better today. It's been a tough few days with activated parts, but I'm now feeling much more my Self.

I've been practicing facing the trigger. The first time felt awful, but the second time (today) I was ok. I'm pleased with how well I did.

I decided yesterday to seek direct clarification about whether or not I have to face the trigger. Good news, I don't, they understand and value me. This is a huge relief and means a lot. It's now completely in my control, and I can go at a pace that's right for me.

[Snowdrop]

Feeling emotionally fine today .

Thought: I wonder if I had a bad few days emotionally as a reaction to eating or drinking something that disagreed with me? It's happened to me before. I've eaten something, and it's triggered really bad EFs. The more I think about it, the more this makes sense, as I tried something new at the end of last week when I started feeling bad.

[sanmagic7]

glad you're feeling better.

interesting realization about food/drink intake and how it can possibly upset your mental well-being. 

keep going, snowdrop.  you've gone thru a lot, and i'm just glad you've come out the other side.  love and hugs!

[Snowdrop]

Thanks San . The weirdest one I know of is that I'm fine with cheese except if it comes from one specific creamery! Cheese from there gives me nightmares and EFs for a couple of days. Yet I'm fine with the same type of cheese if it's made elsewhere.

[Snowdrop]

Today was a day when I could have faced the trigger. I decided not to, and this was ok. I took steps towards facing it, which is progress, but I think doing any more would have been too much at this time.

All parts seem ok.

[Not Alone]

Good job listening to yourself and going at a pace that seems right to you.

[Snowdrop]

Thank you Notalone.

=== TW covid-19 ===

I didn't say anything at the time because I felt very anxious and didn't want to talk about it, but earlier in the week, I developed symptoms suggestive of covid-19. I will quickly say that my symptoms were mild and I'm now feeling much better. I don't fit the criteria for testing so I will never know if it was that, but I was two degrees of contact away from someone who recently returned from Italy.

I've been taking things easy and treating the symptoms, and this morning it feels as though I've turned a corner. There's plenty of food in the house, and it turns out that my cptsd is a superpower when it comes to self-isolation . I've also found tapping really helpful for relieving the anxiety.

=== End TW ===

IFS journey. The parts seem reasonably settled and OK. I've reminded them that I'm here and that I care about them.

[sanmagic7]

oh, sweetie, i'm so glad you're feeling better.  thank you, god and all the stars looking down on us.

lots of love and continued healing to you

[Not Alone]

Glad you are feeling better.

[Snowdrop]

 

IFS journey.

When I held the baby part close to me, the angel that protects her came forward and put their wings around both of us. I felt protected.

The part that was brought back to life said she wanted to unburden, but that today wasn't the right day for it.

All other parts are ok, and they were all pleased to see me. I felt connected to them.

[sanmagic7]

so glad this is going well for you.  i tensed up when i read your first sentence - seems like i've got some stuff going on there, too.  love and hugs

[Snowdrop]

That's interesting, San. I wonder if that tensing up might come from a protector? Just a thought. My suggestion is to take things very gently, and if possible, see if you can be curious about it all. I'm here if you need me.

I've been doing things to help my lungs over the past few days. Things like using anti-viral essential oils, paying attention to how I breathe, and Qigong sets that help my lungs. I've found the following Qigong video helpful: https://youtu.be/VKRdUe2_SB0. My lungs feel about back to normal again now, thank goodness, but I'm still keeping an eye on things.

I had a nightmare about the ex last night. I'm pretty sure it came from the part that was brought back to life.

IFS journey.

The key things with this journey happened with the part that was brought back to life. When I met this part, we started by revisiting the nightmare. I saw her being physically and emotionally hurt, so I stepped in, and stopped it happening. I told the ex he was so very, very wrong, and left him.

The part that was brought back to life showed me things relating to the ex. Things relating to physical abusiveness, shaming, and emotional cruelty. The part unburdened by putting the burdens in a fire pit and setting fire to them. She found this quite tiring.

All other parts seemed ok.

[Not Alone]

It makes sense that she found it tiring. Burning the burdens was a big, emotional thing to do. I wish gentleness and rest for her and all the Parts.