Snowdrop's journal

Started by Snowdrop, August 03, 2019, 08:55:24 PM

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Snowdrop

I've had an insightful week.

We seem to be facing a second wave of covid, with more measures being put in place. I'm worried about it spreading again, worried that the measures won't be enough, and my sleep has been affected. I recognise that over the next six months, looking after my mental health is going to be very important. I need to make sure that I don't overwork, and do what I can to keep my parts calm.

H has been very stressed this week too. I've been concerned about him, and doing what I can to help him. The past couple of days have been interesting. Up until now, H has been very dismissive of IFS. Probably a mix of fear, and something that's beyond his experience. This weekend, he realised that he had a hypervigilant part that's a bit out of touch with reality, and this has changed his whole attitude towards IFS. We've used IFS to calm the part down, help it, and put H's Self back in charge, and H is much, much better as a result.

I'm pleased that H is feeling much better, and that I have enough experience with IFS to be able to help him. I'm also pleased that H now accepts that parts exist, and working with them is helpful. It helps him, and it makes things much easier for me.

Hope67

Hi Snowdrop,
This is great that your H found your help with IFS to be beneficial, and that he understands it more now, and is on board with it more.   :cheer:
:hug:
Hope  :)

Not Alone

Your husband accepting that Parts exists is a big thing. Wonderful that you were able to support him. I hope this leads to him being able to support you more.  :grouphug:

Three Roses

Write, that's huge! Good job  :cheer:

Tee

 :hug: yes self care is important snowdrop.  I'm glad you are able to help your H.   That's awesome that he's more accepting now.  I've been wondering how things were going for you.  I have been thinking about you.  Sending a big hug of understanding, support and love :hug:

Snowdrop

Thank you Hope, Notalone, Three Roses and Tee. :grouphug:

H accepting parts has felt really significant. Up until now, I've not really been able to talk about any of the stuff I've been doing because he wouldn't have understood. Now, I can mention parts, and he accepts it. I think this has further helped my parts feel witnessed, and helped with their burdens. They feel accepted.

It's also been astonishing and beautiful just how well he's been getting on. He can tell when he's blended with the part, and asking the part to step aside and give him space seems to be working really well. Also me being my Self helps him, and him being his Self helps me (if that makes sense ;D)

sanmagic7

total sense - a good collaboration, it sounds like.  love and hugs, snowdrop :hug:

Tee


Snowdrop

Thank you San and Tee :grouphug:.

I've been working with a couple of activated parts, a teen part and one that's about 7.

The parts were activated because we needed to get someone in to make a repair. Nobody else has been into our house since we went into lockdown at the beginning of the year, and the parts felt threatened, fearful and anxious. It reminded them of HB trying to get into my bedroom, and my safe space being invaded.

=== Possible TW ===

The young part shared a memory of her trying to hold the door shut while HB shoulder-charged it, trying to get in. She was scared, screaming, and it hurt her to try and keep him out like that. She was also scared he'd break the door down, and she'd be blamed.

The teen part shared that HB used to barge into her bedroom with no warning. She was scared he'd catch her changing, and when she had the door locked, scared he'd break the door. She tried raising with F, and remembers him saying "why, what were you doing in there". Putting shame on her. Also F saying that if she stayed locked up in her bedroom, he'd remove the lock.

=== End TW ===

I've told the parts that what they experienced was scary and wrong. They deserved to feel safe and secure, and HB was completely in the wrong. They were entitled to boundaries. Also F's response was completely wrong. He put shame on the teen part which was never hers to carry.

I also shared the memories with H, who helped to validate the parts.

The parts have been unburdening.

Tee

 :hug: that's awesome snowdrop.  That's great work. I'm glad you are making progress.  I hope it continues for. :hug:

Hope67

Hi Snowdrop,
Your work with your activated parts is great.   :hug:
I agree that your parts deserve to feel safe and secure, and they are entitled to boundaries.  It's great that your H heard those memories too, and helped to validate the parts as well.  That is so supportive and validating. 
Hope  :)

Snowdrop

Thank you, Tee and Hope. I always value your input and support. :grouphug:

I've not posted here for a while, and need to catch up on everyone's posts as well. Even though I've not been here much, I've been thinking of you all and sending you my love.

I've been feeling quite withdrawn, which is probably why I haven't posted. It feels as though there's been a lot going on which I've had to make sense of. I've kept thinking I should post here, but then haven't.

One of the big things was that I was triggered by M. She tried to cross one of my boundaries, and I had to keep telling her not to. I didn't like doing that, but I felt I had to. I wasn't really allowed to have boundaries when I was growing up, so maintaining them now feels extra important. It also made me wonder if parts are carrying burdens relating to M crossing boundaries when I was growing up.

I was also contacted by a friend who I've not seen in a few years. I'm not sure how I feel about this. The last time I saw her, I tried to speak up about HB, but she minimised it and said I was overreacting. I found that so hard to deal with. Do I want to be in contact with her again? I don't know. Probably only to a certain degree, and that's ok.

I was quite badly triggered last weekend. A young exile had a hard time over a comment H made, and two protectors stepped in: a dissociative part and a SH part. I need to see what I can do to help this cluster of parts.

Tee

 :hug: I'm glad you are doing ok I've been thinking of you and sending love. I'm sorry you were triggered so badly.  But glad you were able to maintain boundaries with your M that's great. :applause: I hope you can give your parts the time and attention they need to put to rest their need to rescue you now.  Big hug that's easier said than done.  Sending love and encouragement. :hug:

sanmagic7

hey, taking it slow or only to a certain point w/ that friend sounds like a wise idea.

and, i'm with you on the whole covid thing.  better safe than sorry. the only person i really interact w/ is my D, and that's cuz i live with her.  otherwise, i'm staying away from everyone else.  i've got enough of my own health and wellbeing issues to deal with, too.  love and hugs   :hug:

Snowdrop

Thank you, lovely Tee, for the support and encouragement. :hug:

Thank you for the validation, dear San. We're on the same page. :hug:

=== TW SH part ===

I decided to go on an IFS journey this evening to meet the SH and dissociative parts. These are two firefighter parts that became activated when a young exile became very upset and broke through.

I started with the SH part. It was hard for me to see this part at first, as I was largely in denial that it was there. I felt scared of it. I realised that this fear was coming from another part. I asked that part to step back, and then I could see the SH part.

The SH part looked like an angry dragon. I told it that I was sorry for ignoring it, but I hadn't known it was there. At this point, the dissociating firefighter part popped up, and said that was because it didn't want me to know about the SH part.

I thanked the parts for caring about me, which settled them down. I talked to them about their relationship with one another, and they both said that each part made the other more activated. The SH part activates the dissociating part, which makes the SH angrier and more fiery, which makes the other part dissociate more, and so on. I asked the two parts if they could both settle down, and they agreed.

I asked them why they behaved in this way in the first place, and it was because they wanted to distract me from the young exile. They felt that her anguish was too much, so I needed to be protected from it.

I told them that I understood, but that I was concerned about the exile and her pain. If I could help her, if she could unburden, would they be willing to step down? They said yes, and agreed to let me work with the exile. I thanked them.

=== End TW ===

I didn't take it any further this evening as I wanted to make sure that the firefighters felt comfortable. I'll keep checking on them, make sure that they're still ok, and then see if the exile has any other protectors I need to negotiate with before helping her.