Snowdrop's journal

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #645 on: November 18, 2020, 06:14:07 PM »
 :hug: I'm glad you were able to move through more of your journey. :hug: :hug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #646 on: November 18, 2020, 08:11:44 PM »
Thank you, Tee. Love the hugs. :hug:

Today I wrote a letter to a friend in the letters of recovery section of the forum. I think it's helped me to voice things I've been holding on to. I felt a bit jittery after writing the letter. I think this was because I'd dared to speak my mind, something I was conditioned not to do. Also some fear relating to what I wrote. What if my friend was right in what she said? I recognise that these thoughts are all parts-related, and if I want to, I can delete the letter.

IFS journey.

My guide had a message for me at the start of my journey: there's still hope of friendship with the person I wrote the letter to. My guide took me to the part that feels upset about what happened with my friend, spoke to the part, and helped her settle down and unburden. I felt myself relax inside.

Next I met the firefighter parts. The SH part was feeling quite euphoric. It loves cheering me on, and no longer wants me to SH. The dissociative part is also happy, but isn't ready to give up that role yet.

The manager who exiled the part in the pit was happy too. She showed me that she has started growing flowers in the pit, and it's no longer dark. She said that she wanted her new role to tend and nurture the pit so that it's no longer a dark, scary place. I briefly showed her the "I am worthy" tree I planted about a year ago, which is now in full-bloom.

I visited the retrieved exile next. She's doing really well, and was pleased to see me. She was still filled with the light of yesterday's rainbow adventure. She shared a couple of experiences with me which I witnessed, and then unburdened them into her fire. I held her close and kept telling her how precious she was.

Finally, I visited the teen part. This part is also doing well, and was delighted to hear that the pit us now being filled with flowers. A few days ago, this part was quite cagey and suspicious towards me, but she feels much more open to me now. She shared a couple of experiences with me which I witnessed, and she then unburdened.

I'm feeling pretty good after the journey. Relaxed and my Self.

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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #647 on: November 19, 2020, 03:20:58 AM »
The manager who exiled the part in the pit was happy too. She showed me that she has started growing flowers in the pit, and it's no longer dark. She said that she wanted her new role to tend and nurture the pit so that it's no longer a dark, scary place.

Love this!

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #648 on: November 19, 2020, 11:54:40 AM »
I loved that bit too, Notalone. :grouphug:

IFS journey.

I first met a part that was angry with a friend for minimising my trauma. The part shared her anger, and underneath it, she was scared that other people thought the same way. I told her about two other friends I'd told about complex trauma, and how supportive they'd been. I also told her about my friends here. This helped. I asked the part if she wanted me to do over the episode with the friend. I told my friend the things I wrote in my letter of recovery, and my friend apologised. She would support me in whatever way I needed support. The part was able to unburden.

Next, I met the teen. Earlier today she'd been sharing experiences with me, and meeting her in a journey let me witness them properly and validate her. The part unburdened.

Next up, the manager part who now tends the pit. The pit is starting to look great! It's filled with flowers, trees and wildlife. There's a flowing river at the bottom, and there are paths so that parts can explore if they want to, pick flowers, play with the animals, and come out whenever they want to. I told her how happy I was with the work she's doing.

I moved on to the retrieved exile. She's doing very well. She unburdened a little bit, and then told me that her, the teen and the part who was angry with the friend carried a shared burden. They needed to unburden together. I brought all three parts together, and they let go of the shared burden. We shared a group hug.

Finally, I met the formerly SH firefighter who is now a cheerleader. This part was very excited about work I'm doing at the moment and danced me around ;D.

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #649 on: November 19, 2020, 03:42:01 PM »
 :cheer: :hug: you're a rock star snowdrop keep working hard and moving forward. I love reading your journeys.  I can imagine the I'm right beside you meeting your parts and giving you support. :hug:

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marta1234

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #650 on: November 19, 2020, 08:27:07 PM »
Snowdrop, sending you love and support  :hug: The work that you do with your parts always amazes me, and it soothes my doubts too that it can be done. I sometimes like reading your IFS journeys like a little story, it helps (in some way) to reassure my parts if I ever choose to do this too.
Sending you a hug too  :hug:  :hug:

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Bach

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #651 on: November 20, 2020, 03:48:00 PM »
 :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #652 on: November 20, 2020, 07:19:58 PM »
Hi Snowdrop,
Your IFS journeys are soothing and also inspirational to read - and I think the fact that the pit is now being tended and has flowers within it, it is a more welcoming and safer place.  I agree with Tee that you are a rock star.  I also enjoy reading your journeys, and I try to bring that to my own IFS thoughts. 

Sending you a hug.   :hug:
Hope  :)

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #653 on: November 20, 2020, 08:17:33 PM »
Tee, Marta, Bach and Hope - thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words, support and hugs made my day. I'm so pleased that you find reading my journeys helpful too. It means a lot to me. Love and hugs to you all. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I had some stressful work to do yesterday but it went pretty well. There was one point where I had some self-doubt, and I immediately felt the former-SH part who's now a cheerleader dancing around and shouting "AWESOME!!!". It was soooo funny and made me smile ;D.

IFS journey.

The part who was angry with my friend was fine today. She told me that in hindsight, she's glad it happened when it did. It was far better to find out that my friend couldn't give me that support early on. I told her that was a very good point, and thanked her for making it.

The teen part was happy. She didn't have anything to unburden.

The former-SH firefighter who is now a cheerleader was very excited. She kept running round in circles crying out "AWESOME!"  ;D. I told her I loved her cheerleading, and how helpful it was.

I met the dissociative firefighter, as I felt aspects of her yesterday. She hasn't given up her dissociation role yet. I asked what she was scared of. She said that I wouldn't be able to cope. I told her how well I'd got on yesterday when I was able to focus, and she agreed with me. I asked her if she'd consider helping me to focus instead of dissociating, and she's open to this. She's going to try it out.

The part who's tending the pit is getting on really well. There are so many flowers there now, and it's buzzing with life. There are dolphins in the river at the bottom, and a little boat for going on boat trips.

The retrieved exile is well. She said she wanted to see the part who's tending the pit as this was the part who had kept her exiled, so I took her to meet her.

The part tending the pit immediately told the retrieved exile how sorry she was for putting her in there, and gave her a bouquet of flowers she'd picked especially for her. The retrieved exile was touched by the flowers, and said she understood. They held each other and released burdens: the retrieved part about being exiled, and the other part about having put her in there.

After the retrieved exile and I went back to the cave, she said that she was still wary of the part who had exiled her, but she felt better for having met her. I told her that feeling wary was completely understandable. She told me some of what it had been like in the pit, and unburdened a bit more. I held her close and told her how much I loved her. She said my name, and told me she loved me too.

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #654 on: November 21, 2020, 03:19:55 PM »
 :hug: I'm glad that the fire fighter is going to give it a shot. And the exile met tender of the pit.  It sounds like you are making great strides to put yourself and parts back into harmony that's great. Sending a hopeful hug of encouragement. :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #655 on: November 21, 2020, 06:53:55 PM »
The pit seems like it has become a lovely, safe place. I think that is beautiful.

The former-SH firefighter who is now a cheerleader was very excited. She kept running round in circles crying out "AWESOME!"  ;D. I told her I loved her cheerleading, and how helpful it was.

I think the former SH firefighter is awesome!  :cheer:            :applause:                :cheer:

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sanmagic7

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #656 on: November 21, 2020, 07:18:24 PM »
the work you're doing with your parts, the imagery you describe - i'm so impressed. :yes:  thanks for sharing - it's just wonderful to follow this, even tho i don't do the same kinds of inner work.  it feels like you exude strength and determination and that stuff jumps off the screen and into my essence.  it just gives me that much more for myself, for some reason.  thanks for sharing.  love and hugs to you and all your parts.   :grouphug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #657 on: November 22, 2020, 04:08:47 PM »
Thank you for the encouragement, Tee. Yes, it all seems to be going well. :hug:

I'm really pleased with how the pit has transformed, Notalone. It's no longer a place of dread. Quite the opposite. The former SH firefighter says "Awesome!!!" ;D :grouphug:

Thank you, San, I'm glad you find it helpful. I wonder if when you read my journeys, you pick up on my Self, and that helps your Self? It's like Self energy is catching. :hug:

Richard Schwartz is giving another talk on December 11th, this time as part of the Shift Network's Enneagram summit. The link's here, but I probably won't post it elsewhere as I'm not sure how relevant it will be to trauma: https://enneagramglobalsummit.com/program/40931. I don't know much about the Enneagram, except that it's to do with personality types. It might be interesting for me to watch, because I find personality tests really hard. It's like for every question, there's a part who leaps up and says "Yes, that's me!"

I went on an IFS journey this afternoon. All parts are well, but nothing much happened in it. It felt like more of a journey for consolidation than for change and this is perfectly fine.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #658 on: November 22, 2020, 05:03:34 PM »
interesting idea, snowdrop.  that could very well be, altho i didn't think of it that way.  still, energy transfer is real, and, to me, magic is real - i'm open to a combination of the two.  whatever it might be, it was a great, helpful and healthful feeling.

i think consolidations can be extremely important while we are healing.  not only for parts, but for Self.  i'm very glad for you that every part seems ok right now, and that you checked in on them to make sure they were.  well done  :thumbup:- healthy parenting is the phrase that came to mind for this.  protect, guide, check in on how everyone's doing.  and, of course, love.  you're checking all the boxes and the results are showing. 

you are exuding some major vibes again - i sat for a few minutes after writing that last sentence, and just felt happiness course thru me because of what you're doing.  thank you, again.  you're a blessing.  love and hugs to all :grouphug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #659 on: November 23, 2020, 08:47:52 PM »
Thank you, lovely San. I'm delighted. Big, warm, happy hugs to you. :hug:

IFS journey.

I checked in with all the parts I'm currently working with.

The part who was angry with my friend seems happy. The first thing she said when I saw her was how grateful she is for the friends I have here. I agreed with her. :grouphug:

The teen is content, and didn't have anything for me to witness or to help her unburden. I told her I'm delighted with how she's come on, and how much I value her.

The former SH firefighter is still running round excitedly and shouting "awesome!". It makes me smile so much every time I see her.

The dissociative firefighter has been thinking about our earlier conversation about helping me to focus instead of dissociating, and she seems to have taken this on board. She says it's not just about focus, but awareness too. I wasn't able to say much more to her because the formerly SH firefighter ran over and started dancing us around ;D.

I met the pit tenderer next, and she's doing well. The pit looks glorious.

=== Possible TW ===

Finally, I met the retrieved exile part. She shared memories of when she'd started school and hurt some friends in the playground. She felt ashamed of this. I told her that I knew she hadn't meant any harm. She'd done it because HB's behaviour had been normalised, so she thought it was normal. How could she have known any different? And as soon as she learned it was wrong, she stopped. I went back to the playground with her, and watched as she apologised to her friends for hurting them. They forgave her, and gave her a big hug.

=== End possible TW ===

After this, we went back to the retrieved exile's cave, and she unburdened. She placed a ball of burdens in the fire at the front of her cave, and they turned into butterflies and flew away. I held her close, and we watched the sunset together.