Snowdrop's journal

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dollyvee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #705 on: December 28, 2020, 09:16:45 PM »
I'm sorry Snowdrop  :hug: it was v. upsetting to read what how your dad treated you and allowed the abuse to continue and didn't step in to protect you the way a parent should. You're right, it's even more damaging for this to happen than the treatment from your HB. In my experience, having my grandmother try to excuse my mom's behaviour and not stand up for me, and then tell me she loved me, had such a lasting affect on my sense of reality and self.

I'm glad you had the T there who saw what was really happening and left an impression on you. Hopefully you have had a relaxing holiday and not had to face them.


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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #706 on: December 29, 2020, 12:49:15 AM »

In hindsight, F's reaction was incredibly damaging. It meant I had to choose between survival and healing, and so I chose survival. In fact, it probably made healing at that time impossible, as if I'd told him and he'd turned on me, it would have made things worse. But there's another thing. F has always been insistent that he would never choose between HB and me. But he did. At the point when I needed him most, he chose HB. He chose my abuser over me. And that's hurtful, and rubbish and so unfair. Those words aren't enough for the damage it did.

There really are no words strong enough to express how horrible what your F did was. I hear the many feelings you and your Parts are experiencing: upset, outrage, anger, fear, and guilt. All those feelings make sense and you and your Parts deserve to be heard and cared for.

I feel angry at him that he took your HB's side and did not protect you. Also that he set you up by pushing you to tell him what was going on and then solidly closing the door in your face by making it clear that it was not okay for you to talk negatively about HB.

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #707 on: December 30, 2020, 08:53:29 PM »
Tee, Dollyvee and Notalone: thank you. For listening, for hearing me, for your validation. :grouphug:

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I feel angry at him that he took your HB's side and did not protect you. Also that he set you up by pushing you to tell him what was going on and then solidly closing the door in your face by making it clear that it was not okay for you to talk negatively about HB.

Thank you for saying this, Notalone. I hadn't thought of it in terms of being set up, but you're right. I was. Your anger on my behalf helped me feel appropriate anger. :hug:

I went on an IFS journey this evening to see how the different parts are.

I met one part who's been feeling a bit overwhelmed. I told her that I'm there for her, and comforted her. We thought of things that might help her.

I spent most time with a group of parts who were affected by the incident with F I wrote about last. I witnessed the parts feelings on this, and I told them what my friends here had said, which helped. I then found myself digging in the ground, and unearthed more parts that had been buried / exiled. The parts were tired, so I took them to a safe space where there were warm baths, fluffy towels and soft blankets.

I think the episode with F caused lots of stuff to get buried, and parts to get exiled. It's not good that it happened, but it's completely understandable. My hope is that recognising this happened takes me further along the healing path. There are more parts I can help and heal.

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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #708 on: December 30, 2020, 10:07:37 PM »
I think the episode with F caused lots of stuff to get buried, and parts to get exiled. It's not good that it happened, but it's completely understandable.

Very understandable. You were told by your father not to talk about it. What could a child do but bury things and for Parts to get hidden away?

The parts were tired, so I took them to a safe space where there were warm baths, fluffy towels and soft blankets.

May I add a big, fluffy, stuffed bunny for them to hold?

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #709 on: December 31, 2020, 03:26:55 PM »
 :hug: I just bought a toy for one of my parts cause she's scared to sleep hoping it helps. She hasn't gone to bed before 3 this week.
The bath and soft comfy towels sound nice I hope it helps your parts and your healing on this journey.  Hugs :hug:

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dollyvee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #710 on: December 31, 2020, 07:33:44 PM »
I'm glad your parts felt comforted. If they ever need to know, there are others out there who understand some of the things they had to go through.

It's not good that it happened, but it's completely understandable. My hope is that recognising this happened takes me further along the healing path. There are more parts I can help and heal.

Lots of good thoughts to your parts and wishes that they know they were just living their life and had no reason to be treated like that or put in that position  :hug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #711 on: December 31, 2020, 08:29:02 PM »
May I add a big, fluffy, stuffed bunny for them to hold?

That's so lovely, Notalone. Thank you. They love the bunny. Some of them are nestling up to it. :grouphug:

:hug: I just bought a toy for one of my parts cause she's scared to sleep hoping it helps. She hasn't gone to bed before 3 this week.

I hope the toy brings comfort to your part, Tee, and helps her sleep. About a year ago, a very young part was finding things a bit difficult, so I bought her a teddy bear. My H and I refer to it as a support bear :). Love and hugs to you. :hug:

Lots of good thoughts to your parts and wishes that they know they were just living their life and had no reason to be treated like that or put in that position  :hug:

Thank you, Dollyvee. They're still feeling quite sleepy, but I think they're beginning to realise that they're in a safe space. :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #712 on: January 02, 2021, 03:27:12 PM »
 :hug: to you and your parts Snowdrop.

Hope  :)

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dollyvee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #713 on: January 26, 2021, 01:33:47 PM »
Hope you are doing well in the New Year   :hug:

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #714 on: January 28, 2021, 04:06:53 AM »
 :hug: thanks for helping me not feel crazy.🙂 I hope you are having a better time.  Big hug to comfort you and your littles. :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #715 on: January 29, 2021, 03:23:05 AM »
Snowdrop, I hope you and your Parts are okay. Sending care and hugs to all of you.  :grouphug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #716 on: February 16, 2021, 07:03:57 PM »
Hello everyone! :wave:

So sorry for not writing or responding for a while. I think I went into hibernation mode after Christmas, while simultaneously being very busy. But I'm ok, and I'm back.

I will respond properly to you all over the next few days, but first there's a couple of links I want to post.

A few people have mentioned vision problems that might be related to trauma. I've found natural vision improvement of immense value, and there's currently a free summit. You can register here: https://naturalvision2020.com/register and the program is here: https://naturalvision2020.com/program. I'm particularly interested in the Greg Marsh session on Day 4 (Friday), as I've heard him speak before on the connection between vision and trauma.

If I get a chance, I'll post these links elsewhere in the forum.

Janina Fisher (author of healing the fragmented selves) is also hosting a couple of webinars that look interesting. I think I saw that Hope has posted a link to these.

That's all I've got time to write just now, but please know that I've been thinking of you and love you all. :grouphug:

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woodsgnome

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #717 on: February 17, 2021, 04:37:57 AM »
So great to see you are still roaming along recovery's trail.  :) Due to some things you've written, I've begun probing deeper into IFS sorts of approaches and finding them to be helping my own rather fragile trail seeking to get beyond the surface hurts.and all that still seems to hol me back.

Also -- great thanks for the link per the vision connection -- I've had glaucoma and feel there was a connection there as well -- like I really didn't want to see what I was seeing -- I used to even vigorously rub my eyes due to what I didn't want to see about being in this world.

Enough of my  rattlings -- mostly I just wanted to welcome you back here and, if okay, express it this way  :hug:.

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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #718 on: February 17, 2021, 02:01:49 PM »
I've missed you. Nice to have you back and glad you are doing okay.  :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #719 on: February 17, 2021, 03:49:54 PM »
Welcome back Snowdrop! :wave:  It's good to hear you're doing OK  :hug: