Snowdrop's journal

[Jazzy]

I see, thank you for clarifying. I'm glad you have such a positive mindset and approach on this.

Thanks for your warm welcome here; I really appreciate that! 

[Snowdrop]

Thanks for your warm welcome here; I really appreciate that! 

And I appreciate your care.

===

Today went well. The cheerleader part was awesome, and I stayed unblended from parts. I continue to find it helpful to tell parts I can give them attention without them overwhelming me.

I read Chapter 2 of "No Bad Parts" today. One sentence that stood out to me was:

Your protectors only see the protectors of others.

I don't think I've seen it phrased like that before, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Protectors see protectors and react accordingly. The Self sees Self and parts, and can respond with compassion.

There's something I want to say about HB. When I'm my Self, I can clearly see that he treated me how he did because of his protectors. I have compassion. But when I think in these terms, there's a part who gets scared, angry and immediately wants to blend with me. She's scared that I might contact him, try and heal him, and get hurt. That I might minimise the hurt that parts feel. She's really, really scared of him and thinks he's dangerous.

I want this part to know that I recognise her fear and anger. What he did was wrong, regardless of why he did it, and I recognise the hurt he caused. I have no intention of contacting him, and it's certainly not my job to try and heal him.

The part feels better now. Reassured. She's stopped trying to blend with me.

[CactusFlower]

Just out of curiosity because this all sounds so fascinating (and we can take this to the books area if you want), in your opinion, would parts work be okay for someone who dissociates a lot? I'm just wondering if it could encourage compartmentalization on someone who does that too much already? 
edited: After going and reading the "look inside" excerpt on amazon, I answered my own question. Not likely. In fact, I'm impressed and the positive testimonial blurbs from Van Der Kolk, Maté, and Jack Kornfeld. I was suprised to see an intro written by one of my favorite singers, Alanis Morissette. It's been widely known for decades that a lot of her music comes from her emotional state, and "Jagged Little Pill" was one of my early break-up albums. And then her later stuff... You could see where healing and happiness and confidence became a part of her again. I always wondered what happened. The book is now on my wishlist.

[Snowdrop]

Just out of curiosity because this all sounds so fascinating (and we can take this to the books area if you want), in your opinion, would parts work be okay for someone who dissociates a lot? I'm just wondering if it could encourage compartmentalization on someone who does that too much already?

I can see that there might be a part that's trying to protect you by dissociating, and IFS might help you connect with that part and others.

I read the following from Chapter 2 this morning:

Parts often become extreme in their protective efforts and take over your system by blending. Some make you hypervigilant, others get you to overreact angrily to perceived slights, others make you somewhat dissociative all the time or cause you to fully dissociate in the face of perceived threats. Some become the inner critics as they try to motivate you to look or perform better or try to shame you into not taking risks. Others make you take care of everyone around you and neglect yourself.

IFS is absolutely fascinating, and I've had enormous benefit from it.

[Jazzy]

I'm glad you're making such progress Snowdrop; that's awesome!

I'm really interested in IFS now that my mind is clearer. It was too scary for me before.

I'm curious what your parts think of me now after these last couple of messages I left here. Im sure their feedback can help me become a better person. It's okay if that's not something they want to share right now though. 🙂

[woodsgnome]

Just a quick aside, Snowdrop.

Reading fiend that I be, I also ordered the Kindle version and am reading No Bad Parts. Slowly, as is my wont (plus I'm almost always plowing my way through dozens of other books simultaneously.

But this one has quickly caught my fancy, and pushes me ever closer to incorporating and adapting more of the IFS model into the bag of helpful recovery tools I'm assembling.

Interestingly, just in the first chapters, I've already had a couple of 'ancient' memories from childhood pop into mind, and I met a couple of protectors, then forgave 'them' and 'me' for our lack of understanding each other in the past.

I'm impressed, but of course it might not have that positive effect for everyone, at least at first while folks try and grasp the essence of IFS.

It was quite a process that was all prompted by your mention of the book and how it seemed promising. Even if I were I to find no further revelations (doubtful that I won't but that's the adventure of reading), it's been a worthwhile ride so far.

Thanks again, Snowdrop. Perhaps I'll find other parts, in which case I'll invite them to all gather for this more emphatic form of thanks: 

[Snowdrop]

That's beautiful, Woodsgnome. Thank you so much for telling me. It made my day, and I'm delighted for you.

[Snowdrop]

I've had a pretty good day. I completed a piece of work I wanted to finish this week, and I also washed and dried some chair covers. I'm pleased I did this because I'd been putting it off for a while.

I've been feeling pretty good too. Pretty relaxed, and a feeling of internal space and expansion that I recognise as Self.

I went on an IFS journey this evening to check in with the parts I worked with last time.

I met the cheerleader, and thanked her for helping me. "Awesome!!!!"

I met a protector for the very young part who was scared of being seen and heard. I apologised to the protector for not being there for her before. Interestingly, the protector thought I was still 2 years old! When she saw I was an adult, she agreed to let me spend time with the young part.

I witnessed some more of what the very young part went through, and this helped her. I told her what she went through shouldn't have happened. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't bad. She should have been protected and cherished. This came as a great relief to her, and she released burdens she was carrying into fire.

The part who had been angry at being manipulated was feeling quite settled and mellow.

I spent some time with the teen part too. She knows I'm there for her, and shared some of the things she experienced.

Tomorrow, I need to revisit these parts. In particular, I need to show the very young part's protector that she's released burdens, and I also need to spend more time with the teen part.

[Hope67]

Hi Snowdrop,
I think it's lovely that you are feeling pretty good, and that feeling of internal space and expansion that you recognise of Self, it sounds really good. 

It was great that you met the protector for the very young part, and that she agreed to let you spend time with the young part. 

I also wanted to thank you for sharing your processes using IFS and send you a hug for all parts who want one. 

Hope 

[BeeKeeper]

Snowdrop,

I'm so impressed with the courageous work you are doing with and for yourself. This is so inspiring! Thanks for sharing the specific ways each part has reacted and the determination to revisit and stay with your growth.

[Snowdrop]

Thank you, Hope and BeeKeeper. I value your words and support.

=====

I've had another pretty good day. I managed to get a few things done, and it's like a knot of tension inside me has begun to unravel.

I did an IFS journey this evening to catch up with the parts I met yesterday. I also wanted to try the dilemma meditation that's in Chapter 3 of No Bad Parts as part of the journey.

The cheerleader is still wonderful. She ran up to me and gave me an excited hug.

I spoke with the very young part's protector, followed by the part herself. She's much better, and didn't have anything else for me to witness. I asked if she was willing to meet her protector, and she was.

The protector was overjoyed to see the young part looking so well, and hugged her. She spontaneously gave up the protector role she'd taken on, and when I asked the parts what they wanted to do next, they said they wanted to run off and play together. So they did.

The part who had been angry was fine.

I had trouble with the teen part at first. It was like there was fog stopping me from seeing her clearly, and when I tried to interact with her, I kept dissociating. I remember now that this happened yesterday as well.

I asked the dissociating part to give me space and unblend from me, and it did. It looked like a thick cloud standing between me and the teen.

The cloud was a protector part who didn't want me to see the teen part. She had to be kept away. I explained that I was my Self, and I was sorry I hadn't been there before, but I was now. I asked it what it was scared of, and after some discussion it let me see the teen.

The teen part shared various things with me. I witnessed them, gave her reassurance, and she said she was ready to unburden. She released her burdens into a small underwater volcano.

I showed the teen part to her protector, and the protector was overwhelmed with compassion. She spontaneously gave up her protector role, and said she wanted to care for the teen part instead.

Finally, I tried the dilemma meditation from the No Bad Parts book. I focused on something I'd had conflicting views about this morning, and met the parts with the conflicting views. I spent time with each part in turn, while the other one waited in a waiting room. After I'd heard each part's side, I brought them both together.

The two parts discussed the problem while I sat and listened, and occasionally mediated. There was something so profound about watching them air their views, realise they had a common goal and begin to compromise.

Towards the end I thanked the pair, and asked if they trusted me to make a decision. Yes, they said. I asked if they'd like to become my advisers, and they said they'd love to.

[Snowdrop]

Now this is interesting.

When I did the dilemma meditation from No Bad Parts yesterday, I chose something to do with the work I do that I had conflicting views about. It's something that will crop up time and again over the next few weeks, and yesterday I had parts going over it.

I encountered the same problem again this morning, but this time, there was no real anger. One of the parts I did the dilemma meditation with got a bit huffy for a few seconds, and then the other part said " I hear you. What shall we do about it?". They both then settled down, and came up with a solution. They then trusted me to make a decision.

This feels like a big deal, and not something I was expecting to happen. It's quite astonishing.

[Snowdrop]

I went on an IFS journey this evening to check in with the parts I've been working with.

I found the very young part and her former protector playing hopscotch. They're getting on well. The young part shared some more things with me. The former protector and I witnessed them, and she unburdened.

The part who was angry at being manipulated is still ok.

The teen part was feeling tired after yesterday. I told her and her former protector how much I valued her.

The two advisers from yesterday are now friends. I thanked them for their help this morning, and told them how much I valued them.

At the end of the journey, I had a go at the exercise in Chapter 3 on working with a challenging protector. I chose one who tends to catastrophise, and put her in a room away from the others. I then asked how other parts felt about her. Part way through this, I encountered a part who made me dissociate. When I asked why, she said she didn't want me to go anywhere near the catastrophising part, she was fed up of unlikely tales of doom that just made me anxious. Eventually, I was able to speak to the catastrophising part, who said she was trying to look out for me and warn me of potential dangers.

I think it's worth me revisiting these parts. The catastrophising part makes other parts feel very anxious, and I'd like to see if they can stop being so polarised and calm down.

[sanmagic7]

i find this IFS work you and others are doing to be fascinating.  even tho i'm not really into it for myself (not sure if it's cuz i'm not ready for it or because my path w/ EMDR goes in a different direction), a lot of what i've read here makes sense.  thanks for continuing to share this piece of your journey, snowdrop.  if nothing else, i'm gleaning information ahead of time in case my own therapy takes me there.

besides the fascinating part, i, too, see you as being courageous, determined, and persistent in your quest for recovery of your true self.  well done, snowdrop!    love and hugs

[Armee]

 

I too love reading about your IFS process. I'll need to read more about it...I've always been a bit confused about parts, structural dissociation, and DID.

But I really love how hard you are working to listen to each part and learning to know these parts.

I also wonder if this type of work would work with people who can not visualize or hear things in their head. Thanks for giving many of us things to think about.