I experienced a major triggering incident late yesterday afternoon, which resulted in flashbacks, fear, panic, massive hypervigilance, forgetting to breathe and other cptsd nasties. I also had more childhood memories of physical threats and violence resurface.
I woke up very early this morning in a bit of a panic, but after I'd calmed down a bit I realised how I could turn the incident into a vehicle for healing. The similarity of the incident to some of my early traumas, along with the corresponding emotions, gave me a direct connection to those original traumas. It amplified the energy behind the original traumas, making them much more apparent in my system, and more tangible. I could tell what the trauma energy was and where it was held, meaning that I could do something about the original problem.
I spent about an hour (?) working on releasing the energy, in particular the fear and guilt. [Slight detour: the guilt may seem like a strange one, but as a child I was told to make allowances for my HB as he'd had a tough childhood, and I felt guilty because I couldn't take the abuse.] There was a lot of stuff to release, but I was able to get rid of a good chunk of it. I then spent an unknown amount of time meditating in order to dissolve a large energy blockage relating to where trauma was stuck.
I think I've done as much as I usefully can for now, but I feel a so much better for it. I will almost certainly see what I can do to release more of the trauma energy later in the day, as it's currently easier for me to get a handle on what it is I'm dealing with.
