Snowdrop's journal

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #30 on: August 15, 2019, 09:41:58 AM »
I experienced a major triggering incident late yesterday afternoon, which resulted in flashbacks, fear, panic, massive hypervigilance, forgetting to breathe and other cptsd nasties. I also had more childhood memories of physical threats and violence resurface.

I woke up very early this morning in a bit of a panic, but after I'd calmed down a bit I realised how I could turn the incident into a vehicle for healing. The similarity of the incident to some of my early traumas, along with the corresponding emotions, gave me a direct connection to those original traumas. It amplified the energy behind the original traumas, making them much more apparent in my system, and more tangible. I could tell what the trauma energy was and where it was held, meaning that I could do something about the original problem.

I spent about an hour (?) working on releasing the energy, in particular the fear and guilt. [Slight detour: the guilt may seem like a strange one, but as a child I was told to make allowances for my HB as he'd had a tough childhood, and I felt guilty because I couldn't take the abuse.] There was a lot of stuff to release, but I was able to get rid of a good chunk of it. I then spent an unknown amount of time meditating in order to dissolve a large energy blockage relating to where trauma was stuck.

I think I've done as much as I usefully can for now, but I feel a so much better for it. I will almost certainly see what I can do to release more of the trauma energy later in the day, as it's currently easier for me to get a handle on what it is I'm dealing with.
« Last Edit: August 15, 2019, 12:48:18 PM by Snowdrop »

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woodsgnome

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #31 on: August 15, 2019, 12:37:42 PM »
Snowdrop wrote:

"...after I'd calmed down a bit I realised how I could turn the incident into a vehicle for healing."

That illustrates a crucial turning point that I know I miss sometimes; and that's the ability to put the healing part in. So many times the EF gets stuck and we forget we now have the option to move in that direction, out of the pain we automatically slip into.

I admire your chutzpah in having the courage to enter into this turnaround phase. The original trauma might still filter into situations, but with this experience maybe you've discovered that you were able to realize there's options beyond just the suffering.

But that's projecting ahead; you deserve the peace you found this time around, but when those future setbacks threaten, perhaps this will remind you that you did 'escape' at least some of the thoughts that zoomed in on you this time.

All of this is hard work, though. Congrats :thumbup: on finding a way to experience some healing this time around. We often talk about steps and don't actually try (or give up on) taking them. Yours is a cool example that we can open the door to heal, at least in increments.

And pardon me for butting into your journal; but your experience caught my fancy. Thanks.


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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #32 on: August 15, 2019, 01:06:47 PM »
 :cheer: :applause: :hug: that's awesome to take the bad and turn it and use it to help you move forward.  You are so brave and strong.  Get rid of the shame and guilt. What was done to by HB is just that done to you!  Therefore not your fault!  Standing with you I'm so glad you were able to release some of the trauma energy, here's hoping you'll be able to do more when your ready. :hug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #33 on: August 16, 2019, 07:35:59 AM »
Thank you, woodsgnome, and you're very welcome in my journal  :wave:.

Yes, Tee, that's exactly it! Thank you!  :hug:

I did some more releasing work yesterday afternoon, and got rid of a chunk more. I felt quite content afterwards, and more solid and grounded. Some of the heat has gone out of the memories too. I'm still quite jumpy about any noises outside the house, but my hypervigilance has calmed down.

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #34 on: August 16, 2019, 12:54:03 PM »
 :hug:  :cheer: yeah for moving on. Things will get back to normal before you know it. :hug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #35 on: August 17, 2019, 04:00:21 PM »
Today I journeyed to spend some time with my inner child. I asked her to tell me about the beliefs that she had learned in childhood. For each incorrect belief that doesn't serve me, I looked in her eyes, taught her a replacement belief, and told her that I loved her. I have more work to do on this, but it was very powerful, and afterwards I felt quite content with a feeling of inner gentleness.

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Three Roses

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #36 on: August 17, 2019, 04:02:39 PM »
Wow, this is great! Wonderful idea.  :applause:

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Tee

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #37 on: August 17, 2019, 05:03:22 PM »
 :applause: :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Snowdrop's journal
« Reply #38 on: August 17, 2019, 05:28:51 PM »
Very powerful!