From E.

[Elphanigh]

Blueberry and your therapist are both right. You are certainly not crazy. Having those little parts is so normal, and a really great healing method for trauma. I am glad that you are discovering them, and I know that you will find the balance you need one day. 

As far as little Elpha goes, she will definitely sit with E. She is good at just being a quiet presence when needed and will only play as E feels like she wants to. Little Elpha has had lots of time to cry, play, sit in blankets and hide etc... she can help E do any of that if she needs it. 

[Tee]

I'm glad to know you E. Glad you are making friends. I never noticed until you that you could change the color. you taught me something.  I hope you have a good day. 

[MoonBeam]

Hi Little M. Thank you for being brave enough to say hi to me. It's kind of neat that we are the same age.  It is okay if you are too afraid to talk/write. We have another part who is six. She doesn't say much, I mostly sit next to her. I would like to sit next to you, Little M, if you want. [/color]

E, I would like that. Do you think we could be friends? I would like to be your friend. I don't really have any friends right now. I have a garden I like to sit in. Its really big and pretty with lots of flowers and a bench that is made of stone. Sometimes the bench is chilly--when its shady, and sometimes when the sun has been on it it's almost too warm, but I like it all the same. I can swing my feet cause its kind of grown-up size.  Maybe we could sit in the garden and I could tell you what some of the flowers are that I know. I don't know what they all are. I think my favorite is called Dahlia. M.

[Not Alone]

Notalone, I've been so afraid to think of my parts/my inners as separate because I was sure that meant I was crazy and what would come out, I couldn't necessarily be in control of. It kind of breaks my heart a little. Anyway, It has begun somewhat despite grown-up me, somewhat on its own, but mostly because of the bravery and example of you and others here who share these parts of the journey. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you MoonBeam. What you wrote brought sunshine to my heart.

I have felt like I was crazy because of the parts also. One time, after E spent the session with my therapist, then I came and asked if I was crazy, because I felt I must be. Also in a recent email to my therapist, after telling him something about one part, I wrote, "Very easy for me to slide right now into 'I must be absolutely crazy.'" I will share some of the things T has told me that have been helpful. He said everyone dissociates. That is how the brain works. When people watch a movie, drive and don't think about where they are going etc. If you think about someone who has been in a car accident, but can't remember the entire day, his brain protected him by dissociation. With the trauma that we went through, the brain did what it is meant to do. It dissociated, more dramatically, because of the length of time and depth of trauma. He said people who are not educated about trauma may not understand, but those who are trauma informed know that is how the brain works. He also told me to see myself as an "inventive problem solver" instead of as crazy. T: "Your brain rightly saw grave danger and protected you creatively and mysteriously." T: "I understand that most people won't understand, but they are not your judge or ultimate authority." Hope that is helpful.

Also, thanks to Blueberry and Elphanigh for your words of wisdom and experience regarding this.

Notalone

[Not Alone]

As far as little Elpha goes, she will definitely sit with E. She is good at just being a quiet presence when needed and will only play as E feels like she wants to. Little Elpha has had lots of time to cry, play, sit in blankets and hide etc... she can help E do any of that if she needs it. 

Thanks, Little Elpha. I'm so glad you are my friend and that I don't have to pretend to okay around you. You don't need to pretend with me either. E

I'm glad to know you E. Glad you are making friends. I never noticed until you that you could change the color. you taught me something.  I hope you have a good day. 

Thank you. I don't know why people use boring black.  Big Notalone says it's easier to see, but I like color!  E

Hi Little M. Thank you for being brave enough to say hi to me. It's kind of neat that we are the same age.  It is okay if you are too afraid to talk/write. We have another part who is six. She doesn't say much, I mostly sit next to her. I would like to sit next to you, Little M, if you want. [/color]

E, I would like that. Do you think we could be friends? I would like to be your friend. I don't really have any friends right now. I have a garden I like to sit in. Its really big and pretty with lots of flowers and a bench that is made of stone. Sometimes the bench is chilly--when its shady, and sometimes when the sun has been on it it's almost too warm, but I like it all the same. I can swing my feet cause its kind of grown-up size.  Maybe we could sit in the garden and I could tell you what some of the flowers are that I know. I don't know what they all are. I think my favorite is called Dahlia. M.

Little M, I am very excited about being your friend. I would love to sit in your garden. Have you ever read the story, "The Secret Garden"? If you haven't, maybe Moonbeam could get it from the library on CD for you to listen to. I don't know too much about flowers so that would be nice for you to tell me the names of the ones you know. E

[Tee]

 Have you ever seen the movie"the secret garden". There's a few of them out at this point.  I like the one that came out when I was little. From 1987.  I think I like cause it came out when I was 7 and wished I was the little girl. Cause then I could live in a cool Castle and not in my current situation. And the garden was so pretty and she had friends. You should ask big notalone to get it for you to watch.  You can find it on YouTube though.

[Bach]

Hi, E, it's little B.  Is it okay if I say Hi?  I'm still scared but Bach thinks I should say Hi.  She says it might make me feel better and that no one will hurt me for speaking.  I don't know whether to trust Bach.  I think she means well but she might just be wrong about lots of stuff.  Anyway, Poor Richard says Hi.  That's my lion. He likes that you gave him a special colour.  We've got some bubble fluid.  Do you like to blow bubbles?  I like to, a lot.  They're pretty and they float and you can make them lots of different sizes and then catch them on the wand and make them double-bubbles hahahaha.  Also, sometimes they have rainbows in them.  But I gotta go now! 

[Not Alone]

Tee, I think Notalone has seen that one. She will find it for me when I can enjoy it and not have to worry about her showing up to go to work or do other grown-up stuff. Thanks for mentioning it.

Hello Little B. So glad you said hi today! Some of the littles inside are afraid to tell our bear's name. Anyway our bear says hi to Poor Richard. Why is his name Poor Richard? I like to blow bubbles. Will you teach me how to make double-bubbles? I'm really glad that you are talking to me and that you are my friend. 

[Tee]

I hope you like it

[Bach]

Hello Little B. So glad you said hi today! Some of the littles inside are afraid to tell our bear's name. Anyway our bear says hi to Poor Richard. Why is his name Poor Richard? I like to blow bubbles. Will you teach me how to make double-bubbles? I'm really glad that you are talking to me and that you are my friend. 

Hi, E!  His whole name is Poor Richard the Lionhearted.  I think my mom named him.  I can't completely remember but I think she was being nice to me one time and she called him that and it was silly and funny so then it was his name.  That was back in the other life before Bach was taking care of me but I don't really understand all that stuff.  Anyway, Poor Richard's best job is to sit on me when I'm sleeping so it's not as scary to be alone.  He's mine and I love him.  He wants to give your bear another hug if that's okay.  Sorry, I can't blow bubbles today but I will teach you how to do a double bubble next time, hahaha they're fun!  Bye for now!

[Not Alone]

Little B,
Your lion is named after a king! That is neat. I'm glad he sleeps with you to keep you company and help you feel safe.  I usually sleep with my bear, but sometimes Notalone has big grown-up stuff in the morning, so bear goes on the floor to try to get Notalone to be the one sleeping and waking up. It doesn't always work.

Bubbles anytime you are able. 

[Not Alone]

I just watched "The Secret Garden." Thanks, Tee for recommending it. It is such a good story. I enjoyed it, but some of those people really need therapy. 

I thought about all of us being in a secret garden. We could all be there and play and dig in the dirt and pull weeds. Little B could be there, blowing bubbles, with Poor Richard. Little M, I know you have your own garden, but maybe you could come to this one too and teach us about how to take care of the flowers. Tee, Little Elpha, Three Roses, Blueberry, Snowdrop, Human, and anyone else who would like, come to the garden!

In the story, the garden and friendships brought healing to Mary and Colin. Maybe this garden and our friendships will help to bring healing to our hearts.

[Tee]

that's a nice thought I'm glad you liked it! E

[MoonBeam]

 

[Bach]

Little B,
Your lion is named after a king! That is neat. I'm glad he sleeps with you to keep you company and help you feel safe.  I usually sleep with my bear, but sometimes Notalone has big grown-up stuff in the morning, so bear goes on the floor to try to get Notalone to be the one sleeping and waking up. It doesn't always work.

Bubbles anytime you are able. 

Hi, E!  Big grown-up stuff is weird.  I don't like it.  There's some big grown-up stuff going on with Bach right now and I don't really understand it and it's scary and I don't know what to do and I'm scared.  I hope you're okay today!  I'm sorry I can't do bubbles yet but I'm happy that you want me to when I can.  I will bring all four colors of the bubble fluid.  That's the right name for the bubble stuff if you want to ask for it at the store.  You can't really see any colors on the bubbles after you blow them but it's still fun to have all of them.  I'll show you how to make a double bubble then too.  Thank you for being my friend.