Homework from therapy

Started by Tee, August 08, 2019, 02:15:43 AM

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Tee

So I made the mistake of taking my new book from Pete Walker From surviving to thriving.  So she flipped through it and landed in the back and read the human bill of Rights on page 315. :doh:

Why just why. :no: :disappear:

So my homework for the week is to work on believing number three. Which is "I have the right to make mistakes" ( just writing that makes me feel sick)  Because she said we can keep going round and round but that with classical cognitive behavior therapy she can't help get me out of my struggle because my core belief is I can't make a mistake.  So I pretty much I set my self up to repeat the self hate because I'm going to screw up which loads me down with self hate and crushing critisim so no matter how hard I try. I repeat the hate cycle because until I believe I have the right to make mistakes it won't change. :no:

Possible TW
I'm not sure how to do this because making a mistake or getting away which was a mistake it ended in emotional abandonment, verbal ridicule name calling, and often physical punishment and beatings too. Both at a very young age and up through as I was growing from what I know.  But also during my teen years by other abusers who added sexual torment to the above-mentioned abuse when I screwed up.
End trigger warning

So how do I let myself believe it's ok to make mistakes?  I feel sick just asking the question. I feel like I'll fall apart. :disappear:

Not Alone

Understandable that the thought of making a mistake is so disruptive when the consequences for making mistakes in the past were so horrific. I have some of that too, although for me the consequence was not as direct or immediate. I can't say I have this down, but what has helped me is having people respond to me with compassion, kindness, and mercy when I do make mistakes. As a parent, I've made tons of mistakes. Kids are really forgiving. Many other people (including my husband) have responded with kindness. Being human means being imperfect.

Baby steps. Kindness.

Tee

Thanks notalone
Quote from: notaloneAs a parent, I've made tons of mistakes. Kids are really forgiving. Many other people (including my husband) have responded with kindness. Being human means being imperfect.

Baby steps. Kindness.

I have made mistakes with my kids too and my husband but my ICr practically kills me when I do.   :pissed: :Idunno: I don't know how to do this.

Jazzy

Well, that all makes sense. Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it.

QuoteI don't know how to do this.
That's okay though! :)

I have a lot of cognitive dissonance about making mistakes, so I wish I could give you a better answer, but its a struggle for me too. The best I can think of is that everybody makes mistakes, so when it happens, just argue with your ICr and tell yourself it is okay. It should help if you have others to help like kids/husband. Basically try to retrain yourself to a new response of acceptance when making a mistake... at least that is my approach. Hope it helps a bit. Take care! :)

Tee