taking steps, so help me--and hello

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Scout

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taking steps, so help me--and hello
« on: August 08, 2019, 04:45:57 PM »
How does one begin a post introducing oneself to a forum you are only in because you are profoundly wounded, lost, scattered within yourself?

I guess one begins by saying hello.

So, Hello.

I am 35, female, and was--well, let's sum it up with one blanket word: abused. I am the only child of narcissists, and I'm sure now either sociopaths or psychopaths (does it even matter, between those two?). For years after I cut off contact, I was certain one of them was going to try to kill me, but then I realized they never would--because they don't care. They never loved me, and don't care that I'm gone. And that's been a tough one to process, especially when you add up all the other CPTSD fun.

I've always gotten along best with cops or veterans--the fellow wounded, the fellow haunted, who have dwelled in * and understand. Sounds awful, right? Well, I also love rainbows and glitter, and none of my friends, the few I have, know who I am. I always befriended people like my parents, and that means I have no people. I live in a secret society of one, or so I thought until I found Supernormals by Meg Jay. Thank you, Meg Jay.

I am relieved that CPTSD is finally a diagnosis, but struggling with the lack of resources and information about it, and struggling more with that good 'ole Complex PTSD workbook--you all know the one--that keeps saying "talk to your therapist about this" and "grow in group therapy" that.

I live in a sparse state that has few, if any, resources for this, much less community for it. I know we're everywhere, but I can't find us. So against my own wishes that I stay off the computer, because I'm on it all day and I so want to be part of the IRL world that constantly scares and disappoints me, I am reaching out to try to find people. Through the computer.

Hello, computer. Hello, people.

You can call me Scout. And maybe sometime we can call each other friends.

To us,
Scout

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Tee

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Re: taking steps, so help me--and hello
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2019, 05:57:12 PM »
 :heythere: hi Scout nice to meet sorry you the you too have to be her to find like minded people to understand you.  But welcome.  There are a lot of kind welcoming people here and it's a safe place. :hug:

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notalone

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Re: taking steps, so help me--and hello
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2019, 08:42:14 PM »
Hello, Scout. Welcome. :fireworks: Closest I could come to glitter.  :wave:

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Jazzy

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Re: taking steps, so help me--and hello
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2019, 11:23:15 PM »
Hi scout, welcome!

That is a great introductory post you made. Good job! I really feel what you've said. There isn't any good therapy/community/resources around here either (that I've found at least).  We're here on this site though. It has been a great help to me, and I hope it will be for you too.

Sorry to hear that you've been abused, and about your parents. That sounds like a very unpleasant realization.. but now that you've had it, I hope you can move forward and heal. RAINBOW ... kind of a rainbow.

Take care! :)

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Scout

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Re: taking steps, so help me--and hello
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2019, 01:33:18 PM »
Thanks for the kind words of welcome, guys.

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Three Roses

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Re: taking steps, so help me--and hello
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2019, 06:29:14 PM »
 :wave: