Self sabotage

[SharpAndBlunt]

Frustrated with my progress, my self sabotage in relationships that get anywhere near promising.

I get scared and find a reason to bail.

I seem to take something from the drama. I am very worried because this points towards a PD. It would make sense in me, to have inherited a PD would be just my luck. If I could relax it wouldn't be so worrying. Ugh, not sure what to do with this or what I hope to get from posting it, I'm just kind of at an edge from it.

[Not Alone]

I wish I had words of wisdom. Sending a hug. 

[Jazzy]

It's a great step that you're able to recognize this pattern of behaviour in yourself. Have patience and don't be too hard on yourself. It can be really tough to have a stable personality when dealing with CPTSD. Maybe some calm music or a hot beverage would help you relax? I hope you find some peace soon. Take care!

[Tee]

I think the fact that you worry about the fact you might have a PD is an indication you probably don't. Cause if you truly did you wouldn't care.  Just saying.  I'm sorry your having a rough time in your relationships though, maybe you focus you.

[sanmagic7]

hey, s&b,

i give you a lot of credit for sharing this - i know self-sabotage can be truly frustrating.

i agree w/ tee - usually people w/ actual PD's don't think about having them - lots of layers of denial.

perhaps, since you're seeing a pattern, you can pinpoint for yourself just when the fear and subsequent bailout occur.  if that's possible (or with the help of a t), you can become aware of the underlying issues that cause this, and work on them.  my feeling is that the more into recovery you get, the less this will happen.

yeah, be patient with and kind to yourself with this.  because our trauma has usually come out of relationships, it makes sense to me that having a healthy one is not only difficult to recognize, but also difficult to maintain.  sending love and a hug filled w/ self-compassion.

[Kizzie]

Agree with San and Jazzy - if you're even asking yourself the question you likely don't have a PD 

[SharpAndBlunt]

I just want to say thank you to you all 

This is an especially sore / difficult one for me so I really appreciate your support.

[Kizzie]

 

[Tee]