E's Emotions and Experiences

[Tee]

  that's great that Hope has a name and was able to talk. I'm glad that you shared with your T about us I'm sorry your scared but it's ok! And it's ok to hide when you're scared.  Notalone will protect you.  Here with you E.

[Bach]

You're so brave, E, talking about all kinds of stuff!  I'm glad you starting talking here because I met you and now you're my friend but also because before you starting talking I wasn't sure if I could actually talk.  Or maybe I could talk but no one could hear me?  I don't know!  But I can talk now and it's good to be able to talk even though it's really really REALLY scary.

Anyway, Bach didn't used to have just one place to keep all the seeds and planting stuff, and she has them all over the place like it sounds like Notalone does but last year Bach and Her Person had to have their garage rebuilt and it came out way bigger than they meant for it to and they've been complaining about that ever since it happened but because it's so big there's a place in it with a window where she can make a space for all the seeds and planting stuff.  She already got a shelf and a rolly thing with pullout drawers at a garage sale and she's going to put Her Person's mom's cardtable and folding chair there too.  She's really excited about that!  She likes growing food most of all, but I always remind her that we have to grow lots and lots of flowers too because the bees and butterflies need food.  I love bees and butterflies and flowers!

(Note from Bach:  If you want to see a picture of some of Little B's flowers, click here: https://live.staticflickr.com/935/43077560675_e6ec0c4b6d_c.jpg)

[Snowdrop]

Hi E! 

Hope is a lovely name, and I'm so glad that she now feels able to talk. You are both so brave, and I hope you can see the progress you've made in speaking. It's great that you feel you can trust your T more too.

Please give your bear another hug from me. 

[Not Alone]

E will respond to all of you, but she had a tough morning. She is more in the background now and it is best if it stays that way at least until I get through today.

Notalone

[Not Alone]

Sanmagic, thank you for writing to me. I like it when you write to me. Am I taking care of myself when I go under the blanket? You are a nice person. 

Tee, thank you for saying that about Hope. She is very happy to have a name and to have T talk to her. Is it really okay to hide under a blanket when I feel scared?

Little B, I am so glad that you are talking now and you are my friend. Sometimes when it is too scary to talk it is okay to just be with a person. Sometimes I just color with my therapist. I'm glad that Bach has a special place for her gardening stuff.

Bach, thank you for sending the picture of Little B's flowers. They are so pretty. Would it be okay with you if I printed it and put a Bible verse on it and glued it in my journal?

Snowdrop, I gave my bear another hug from you and whispered in his ear, "This is from Snowdrop." He giggled. At first Hope didn't say anything and T asked her if it was hard to talk. He understood. Then she started talking to him. She's talked to him before, but she didn't have a name then. He's going to help her.

I got a present yesterday. I want to know more about Jesus, but Notalone is so mad at him right now that she can't teach me. My T. suggested a book. So Notalone bought me a Bible. It has nice pictures on every page and not too many words. Maybe when I'm done here I will read a story. Notalone has stuff to do, but she said we have time.

I just started writing two different things that I was going to tell, but it felt too scary, so I erased them. I'm feeling a lot of the icky feelings lately. Maybe I will just read a story right now. I hate having bad feelings inside.

[Bach]

E, I'm glad you liked the flowers!  Little B loves to take pictures of the things we grow, and of interesting things she sees when we go out for a walk.  It makes her feel special that you want to put it in your journal, so please do.  She doesn't want to speak today.  Thank you for telling her it's okay to just be with a person when you don't want to speak.  She worries that she will make people angry if she speaks, but she also worries that she's not real if she doesn't, so that's a good thing for her to hear from someone around her same age.

[Not Alone]

Little B, you are real! It is okay if you want to talk and okay if you just want to be quiet. You are my friend and I am happy to listen to you or to just sit with you in quietness, when you want company.

[Tee]

E just like it's ok to speak or be quite it ok to be seen or to hide.  I think it's fine to hide under the blanket of things get too scary.  It is a way that you can protect and make you feel better right?  Then that is good.  Sending a gentle safe hug for you if it needs to go through poor Richard that's would be fine.

[Not Alone]

Today Notalone was driving and a police car went by really fast. They only go that fast if someone is in trouble. Then he turned down the street where our therapist is. I got really scared that something bad was happening to him, maybe someone was hurting him. Notalone told me that was very unlikely. She kept doing her errands and I kept being really scared. I wanted to email him and make sure he is safe. Notalone said what if he doesn't respond for 2-3 days; you will be even more scared. She said to write him a letter. I did. Then I emailed him! I need to know he is okay. I'm a little scared now, but I hope he lets me know soon that he is safe. I can picture bad things in my head, but I'm trying not to.

[Tee]

It's sweet that you want to make sure he's ok, but I'm sure like notalone said that he probably is just fine.  I hope you here soon so that your mind is out to rest.

[Bach]

E, Poor Richard wants to hug you!   We know about scary police cars, especially if there's lights and sirens, yikes!  Poor Richard doesn't like them either but he's a brave lion so he's not as scared as us and hugging him helps me.   I hope you find out soon then you can stop being scared.  Do you still want to blow bubbles?  You can make a double-bubble by getting the bubble fluid on the wand and blowing it slowly so the bubble coming out gets to be bigger than if you blow fast.  Then when the bubble floats off the wand you can catch it with the wand, and then if you blow through the wand again with the bubble on it, another bubble stuck to the first bubble will come out and voila you've got a double bubble!  I don't know if those are good instructions or not, but you can try it.  Maybe later I will draw a picture.  I love you E, try not to be scared!

[Not Alone]

Tee, Bach & Little B:

Thank you. He is safe. Phew. He emailed me.

Little B. when I get bubbles I will try that!

E.

[Not Alone]

I feel horrible. After session Notalone went to a friend's house for lunch. I came home a took a long nap. I woke up feeling scared and the blackness (shame). Couldn't get up and kept falling asleep and waking up feeling bad feelings. Everything feels too heavy. In session I talked about my friend who died. I feel so sad. I don't want to do this anymore. It all HURTS.
E

[sanmagic7]

o e, i truly know what you're talking about when you say that you don't want to feel these feelings anymore cuz they hurt.  i'm going thru something similar right now and i don't like it at all. 

i'm glad you think i'm nice - i think you're nice, too.  and i truly do think that self-care can come in many ways, including hiding under your blanket.   i'm just glad you have a place to go to help you feel better and safer.

i'm having a lot of yucky feelings today, too, but wanted to send you some love and a gentle hug.   i hope it can help take some of the shame and darkness away - it has a little light in it, like a night light, but it's a shame light.  a night light takes away the darkness, a shame light can help get rid of the shame.  ok with you?      (that may not be quite right, but i hope you understand what that hug and sun mean).

[Tee]

Oh E sweet little one losing a friend hurts so much. I know this pain. I lost my best friend when I was about your age. The pain is unbearable.  Please be gentle with yourself. Hug on poor Richard and hide under your blanket.  Feeling the hurt is hard but you are so brave. I'm going to pass a hug to put Richard for you. I hope you feel better.