Anjulies recovery journal

[sanmagic7]

i get it about being tense cuz of old messages.  i do that same thing just being - it's been on automatic response for so long that i have to consciously relax myself at times.  but, i'm glad you know where it's coming from and maybe that can be a starting place for diminishing those judgments and negative treatment.  best to you with that.

i agree that every step is a lot of work.  i believe it's worth it, which is why i trudge on with each one.  i do believe that your o.t. experience will be much more positive than what you've known from the past, and that it will help with the healing.  sending love and a hug filled with soothing care and acceptance.

[Anjulie]

Dear sanmagic7, thank you for your reply. It's good to know that you know what I speak of. Yeah, those old experiences... 

Last Friday I was there the second time, and it was so good. The woman is no expert in weaving, so there's no reason for me to be afraid of her. She's very nice and doesn't trigger anything. So I'm confident that the therapy will be a big help for me.

[Anjulie]

I got the prescription for the occupational therapy from my GP. She was so nice and understanding and told me, if I needed another prescription after that one, she would give me one. She said, it may be helpful to me to have that therapy for a longer time. I was nearly speechless!
Yesterday I was at the church choir rehearsal and it was very exciting but also very good. This is the first time in many years that I dared try to go to a group of people, and many things in me must have changed since then, it felt so different. I think I know who I am now and can authentically just be there. I've also noticed that I don't need those narcissistic defenses of mine any more such as feeling special and superior. That was a big part of me for many years.
I was completely exhausted afterwards and couldn't regulate my feelings so in the end I took medication to find some sleep. But that's ok. I didn't harm myself which is a progress.
So I am on a good way and feel  today.

[SharpAndBlunt]

Great, Anjulie, great to hear you are doing so well. Congratulations on being at the church choir 

[sanmagic7]

  for progress!  well done!  sounds like you are really moving forward, and i'm so glad for you.  just a caution - don't forget to take breaks, ok?  sometimes we get caught up in feeling good, and run run run and then get exhausted.  that's not such a good thing, either.  been there, done that!

in the meantime, i hope you enjoy all that you're accomplishing and how you are freeing yourself from old defenses.  that's so great.  love and hugs, sweetie!   

[Anjulie]

Thank you SharpAndBlunt and sanmagic7!   
sanmagic7, You're right, I am in danger to get carried away a bit in such times...  i'll try to give myself rest, for example today I'm just sitting on my sofa watching television. I also have some special medical treatments scheduled in the next weeks. I'm thinking about postponing them because they are not urgent. I know myself and I will need time to adjust to the new things in my life. Yes, I think I'll do that.

[Hope67]

Hi Anjulie
That's great that you went to the church choir, and it's also great that you're allowing yourself to have rest and giving yourself time to adjust to new things in your life.  That sounds like good self-care to me.  Sending you a hug, if that's ok 
Hope 

[Anjulie]

Thank you, Hope67 
I think, for a while, I may be reading mostly, not writing much in the forum.
It feels right that way at the moment.
I did a lot of work lately. Now I find myself on a kind of platform, and I just want to stay on the platform for a while, before I continue working on my further recovery.
Thank you all so far, I'm so glad that this place exists!