Jazzy's Journal

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Jazzy

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Re: Jazzy's Journal
« Reply #60 on: September 11, 2019, 11:20:30 PM »
Feeling pretty much the same. Its hard to set time aside for doing things. I'm getting really caught up in whatever I'm doing and losing track of time. I've been keeping food down, but eating less. Maybe that's a good thing. We'll see.

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Hope67

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Re: Jazzy's Journal
« Reply #61 on: September 14, 2019, 06:42:02 PM »
Hi Jazzy,
Glad you're able to keep the food down.  Sending you a supportive hug, if that's ok.  :hug:
Hope  :)

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Jazzy

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Re: Jazzy's Journal
« Reply #62 on: September 18, 2019, 10:17:33 PM »
Thanks Hope, I appreciate it.  :hug:

I've been feeling out of control lately. I'm mostly depressed, always feeling tired, even though I sleep a lot. Its so difficult to get anything accomplished. It has really interfered with my daily routines (like posting on here, and sleeping/eating properly), which is very frustrating. I hope it passes soon.

I also hope everyone else is doing alright. Sorry I haven't been posting much, I'm not really communicating with anyone right now. :(

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Jazzy

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Re: Jazzy's Journal
« Reply #63 on: September 21, 2019, 12:56:07 AM »
Feeling not quite as bad today, but still feeling almost dazed and wondering what I am/should be doing. Also feeling somewhat lonely. I've had a couple good social experiences today, but feel bad because I'm always rushing them to be over. I wish I didn't do that so much. Although, I guess it makes sense, because I feel really uncomfortable with another person talking to me. Only afterwards do I realize how well it went.

On the plus side, I used this time in which anxiety/panic isn't bothering me to make some difficult phone calls. I'm still trying to figure out medical coverage for my appointment. It took about 8 calls, but finally someone is looking in to it again. Hopefully it will be cleared up next week.

From what I've read, I'm not the only one, but it feels like this weekend is going to be long and drag on. I'm not sure what I'll do to pass the time, and I don't feel that basic security/safety/okay-ness.

Hoping things improve tomorrow.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Jazzy's Journal
« Reply #64 on: September 21, 2019, 03:43:22 AM »
i hope things get better for you asap, jazzy.  i hate being in a funk like that - sometimes it seems like it's going to drag on and on, and then it's over.  such a weird dynamic, but i have no doubt you'll get thru it sooner rather than later.  hang tough, ok?  hangin' right beside you.  i got my flu shot today, so i've got that funk thing going on right now.  ugh!

one thing i absolutely hate are those phone calls.  good for you for getting thru them and on the right track!!!   :applause:

sending love and a hug filled with support and caring.   :hug:

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Jazzy

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Re: Jazzy's Journal
« Reply #65 on: September 21, 2019, 11:49:04 PM »
Thank you sanmagic. Its a really basic thing, but it is helpful to hear that it will end. A lot of the time it seems like it will stay this way forever. I think today is a bit better than yesterday, which was a  bit better than the day before, so I'm happy for progress. I hope you feel better from your flu shot soon. I'm not exactly sure what that is like. Don't tell anyone, but I've never had a flu shot.  :whistling:



So today I watched the first video in that summit that Hope posted the link for. At first I was really resistant, partly because I'm always resistant when someone keeps trying to rope me in to paying just $x for whatever package they're offering. A big part of it was that as soon as I heard her speak, it reminded me so much of M. M is the fakest person I know. She lives in her own little delusional world, where she's wildly successful and well off, when she is neither in reality. Later in the day I was trying to figure out why this bothered me so much about M, and I guess its because that you can't have a real relationship with someone like that. You certainly can't have a good relationship with someone like that, who will use and abuse anyone and everyone to keep their little fantasy as intact as possible in their mind. Anyway, I'm sure this lady is not nearly as bad as M, but it was difficult to get past.

Her guest however, was really nice to listen to. First of all, it was amazing hearing someone talk who actually knew about dealing with trauma, compared to all the therapists I've seen who ... really don't have a clue about trauma specific therapy. It makes me feel hope, not so much for me, but for others, that at least some people out there are good therapists. It was really informative for me. I didn't really know anything about the IFS. It was helpful to hear some examples of what was involved with that.

As I wrote before, I didn't believe I had any of these parts. Now that I know what they are, I'm trying to make peace with that idea. I never have thought of them as part of me, but they are there, and they aren't part of someone else, so they must be part of me. Its amazing to me how fully disconnected I am from them, though. Maybe that means there's a big opportunity for healing; at least I hope so. But for now, just trying to get used to the idea they even really exist within me.



Anyway, for just a bit of silliness:
I loved these marquees in the 90s!