Just diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood abuse

[OSUJH]

Hi all.  I am in my 40's and have finally sought therapy for childhood sexual abuse that I never reported that happened between the ages of 8-12, compile in to that a series of unfourtanate events from risky behavior that include another rape in my 20's.   3 weeks ago I was diagnosed with CPTSD and I am scared to death.  I saw one therapist  intern two times and I don't feel like he was equipped to "handle" me.  I just left a session with a more seasoned therapist and I now have a plan.  He confirmed CPTSD and is shocked I have been able to live a successful life without therapy all of these years, he said I am the queen of disassociation.  He is going to do EMDR with me down the road, but work has to be done before that.  Today was my first session with him and my third therapist session.   Has anyone done EMDR, Was it successful in your process?   Or just prayers would be great as I start down the road I should have started on decades ago.   Thanks all.

[Tee]

  hi welcome
I think EMDR works for some and not others with cPTSD.  I have done it a few times and it didn't really do much for me. I too have things very fragmented or dissociated and therefore function most of the time way better than I should.  Given my story.  But again I think there people that it really helps so it's with a try.

[OSUJH]

Thank you for your reply.   So is it worth the “risk” it was mentioned with my severe disassociation we can’t do it too soon, but when the time is right.   Did it set you back or more status quo?

[Not Alone]

I have not done EMDR so can't offer any wisdom there. I pray that God guides you step by step as you begin on this journey.

[Three Roses]

Welcome to you! I'm glad you've found this forum. It's an excellent source for reliable info and resources - plus being able to talk to others with cptsd seems to be important for many of us. Just hearing others' stories of survival and recovery lets us know we're not alone.

I have not had EMDR but I know that others who have will weigh in on this thread. Check back later, and thanks for joining.

[Tee]

It didn't really set me back just didn't really do much.  I think partly she was asking to ascribe feelings to things that at that point I just didn't really have feelings about so I said something but eventually I got bored I just started saying what I thought she wanted to hear which I know isn't the way you are suppose to do therapy, but again it wasn't really working with me.

[OSUJH]

Thank you not alone and three roses.  Tee, that is what I think he is afraid of with me, I am so disassociated, it is like I am telling someone else's story.    I'm going to stick with the plan just to see, but he said it is going to be a long, slow process.   Hugs to you all.

[Tee]

Good luck I hope it works for you!

[Not Alone]

Long, slow process is right. I asked my therapist if he planned on retiring or moving!

[Audbod]

 
I will be interested to hear how it goes. I have a new therapist who wants to do it as well. I am not sure if I have the right therapist? How did you find someone good who has experience with CPTSD??

[OSUJH]

Audbod, I googled EMDR therapist and my city.   Found a few, I looked at websites and reviews if I could find one.   Picked the one that appelead to me and went from there.   Unfortunately after my second session he told me that I am so disassociated that if we did EMDR I would put up road blocks.   We have a lot of work to do.   I still think we can accomplish a lot and I appreciated his honesty.   

[Feral Child]

Greetings OSUJH and all who post here,

Here is my experience with EMDR.

I went through a series of 9 EMDR sessions (from October to December of 2018) at the recommendation of my regular therapist.  My therapist (her specialty is treatment of trauma) supplied the referral as that was how this EMDR specialist works.

Before the EMDR sessions I was having profound physical reactions to a particular childhood incident.  It was affecting my everyday life.  I couldn't drive or walk by certain areas without experiencing these horrid reactions.

I saw the EMDR specialist for 9 sessions.  The very intense sessions (there were three) lasted for an hour and 40 minutes.  I've never cried so much in my whole life!  In preparation for this intense work, she was made certain I had a strongly established safe place.  And before the intense sessions  were over she made certain that I had all I needed for a safe aftermath.  She also made certain that I had a regular session with my regular therapist soon after.  The sessions were draining, but thanks to her skills, I always left the office with a renewed vigor and hope for my future.

The final result is that I'm in a much better place in terms of the traumas that I processed with EMDR.  I am able to deal with them more effectively in my regular therapy and can handle triggers regarding those events much more effectively than I would have believed possible.

Of course this is my personal experience.  EMDR isn't for everyone but it made a world of difference for me. 

I wish you strength and renewed sense of peace on your journey.   Here is a big safe hug for you, if that's OK.

Feral Child

[OSUJH]

Thanks Feral Child.   I am not sure if I will be able to do EMDR, but your experience really makes me want to work towards not being too disassociated for it to be effective.  I have been reading online the profound success it has had on people and here you are confirming it.  Thank you for sharing and of course hugs are okay, I am sending you one back 

[Blueberry]

I can't remember where but somebody gave a detailed report of what happened during EMDR. I realised that the end result was what my T has brought me to via other means.

My T said no to EMDR for me. He tried a little brainspotting, which is a method evolved from eMDR but I didn't notice anything and he didn't get whatever he was looking for.

So don't despair OSUJH that there's other healing for you in the interim, before EMDR can be attempted. It's a long slow process for most of us. 

[Elphanigh]

Hi there 

I wanted to weigh in as I have spent a lot of time doing EMDR and eventually want to go back to that or do some brainspotting/somatic. For me Emdr was the thing that helped me make leaps and bounds in my healing, but it was paired with a lot of ego state therapy as well. It took time to get to where I could handle emdr, so definitely trust your gut and therapist to not jump in until you are truly ready if you go that route. I did emdr on and off for a year and then did a pretty dedicated 8 months of weekly emdr that I feel really changed things for me.

All that being said everyone needs something different, and each therapist is different.