Square One

[BrokenPieces]

Hello all and thank you for creating this safe space to explore and hopefully heal.

I was first introduced to the concept of CPTSD last year but I literally scoffed at the idea.  PTSD is for combat vets or disaster survivors, right?  Not some 40 something who was sexually assaulted as a child.  I have always chosen to believe that I wouldn't let that abuse define me and am now finding out, it absolutely has!  My hair-trigger fight/flight reactions to any amount of undue stress; my unhealthy self-soothing methods of numbing out.

I'm both grateful to now begin to understand what I've never understood before and I'm mad that I've wasted as many years as I have spinning my wheels.

My marriage is likely going to end over this as my husband sees my previous actions as a conscious choice and it's difficult for me to advocate for myself as I am still feeling like it's a cop out to hide behind cptsd as a reason.

It's all very frustrating and overwhelming but I'm committed to learning all I can.

[clay1719]

hello,

I'm actually hew here myself. I was introduced to the concept of CPTSD after  a few traumatic events in my life. They happened recently but like you, I also had some baggage from my past that I never processed. I just assumed that my emotions were the product of my own creation never realizing that there was something more to the way I felt all of the time.

Now that I understand a little more about myself I feel I can fight to move on, rather than fight my emotions. I understand that the past is just that. The past and I cannot change it but still, all that happened has to be processed sooner or later. I do have a supportive wife who gives me a lot of space to sort things out. I can't imagine a spouse who doesn't. I'm so sorry that your marriage might end over things that you can't control. My hope is that your discovery of this diagnosis that is quite real and not a cop out will help you and perhaps even your husband as a lot of times understanding of the underlying issues is enough to calm the relationship. But if not, then we have to first take care of ourselves, I think because no one else can right now. Welcome to the site. My hope is that we all find peace and understanding .

Chuck 

[Jazzy]

Welcome BrokenPieces! It really is difficult to advocate for oneself, even without the pressure from another. I hope things improve for you as you go through your healing journey, and that whatever happens with your marriage is for the best. Take care!

[Three Roses]

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear about your husband's misinformed beliefs - cptsd is not an illness, it's an injury, and our behaviors are completely normal given what we've been through, whether anyone believes that or not.

If he's open to it, may I suggest that you get him a copy of "The Body Keeps The Score", which will remove any doubts he may have about this being a conscious choice on your part. Best wishes, glad you're here! 

[Not Alone]

If he's open to it, may I suggest that you get him a copy of "The Body Keeps The Score", which will remove any doubts he may have about this being a conscious choice on your part. Best wishes, glad you're here! 

      Welcome.

[Tee]

Welcome you can only take steps sometimes we choose them and sometimes we are catching ourselves after we stumble.

[Snowdrop]

cptsd is not an illness, it's an injury, and our behaviors are completely normal given what we've been through

Hello, BrokenPieces, and welcome  . You'll find lots of lovely, kind people here to accompany you on the journey.

[Kizzie]

  CPTSD truly is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, that is ongoing relational trauma such as the CSA you suffered.

Most of here know hard it is to deal with losing so much of your life to CPTSD. I hope knowing you are not alone any more will provide a measure of comfort.