Advice for accepting criticism?

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goblinchild

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Advice for accepting criticism?
« on: August 25, 2019, 03:44:48 PM »
Like the title says. :)
I need to work through some criticism without feeling like I'm just cosmically somehow fundamentally bad. I'm having trouble focusing on the actual, change-able actions and mindsets I should examine without falling into a shame hole. I feel like there are so many shame responses and they're all different, I feel like I'm avoiding land mines.

Does anyone here have any advice?

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Jazzy

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Re: Advice for accepting criticism?
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2019, 10:42:11 PM »
Well, normally you would do things like add other compliments in with the criticism, so it isn't all negative, and make sure it is phrased in a way that is actually constructive, so the result will be an improvement, make sure you don't focus on it for too long, have a good understanding of the whole situation etc.

As for what actually will help dealing with IC getting out of control, I don't really know. Sorry.  :disappear:

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Blueberry

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Re: Advice for accepting criticism?
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2019, 03:41:55 PM »
This is a question and a half! I saw it yesterday but had no idea what to say. For me it would be like asking "How do I heal from cptsd in 2 weeks?" It was one of my big problems for years, and I've only moved along from it bit by bit, mostly indirectly with healing on other topics.

You could attempt accepting that that's just the state of affairs atm. You aren't perfect. If that throws up a ton of fear, then try and calm the fear - check Pete Walker on that.

If you have contact with Inner Children and Inner Teens you could attempt to talk to them e.g. about your Adult taking this on, it's not about them and they're safe etc.

There is information on calming the Inner Critic (ICr.) here: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0


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Kizzie

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Re: Advice for accepting criticism?
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2019, 04:10:57 PM »
I struggle with this too GC, it's why a lot of us who have CPTSD try to be perfect I think, so we don't ever have to feel those feelings of being humiliated and shamed again.

It makes a difference whether the criticism is constructive or destructive of course but I can't always see that b/c I react so quickly. One thing I am trying to do is to identify to myself that I am having a trauma reaction - before I would just numb/freeze or fight or spiral into shame w/o clearly identifying what was happening.  My working theory such as it is, is that by naming it I claim it and that will help to tame it.

E.g., "I am having a trauma response based on the past and I need to try and stay in the present to see if the criticism is  constructive and potentially helpful or destructive and I need to enforce boundaries." 

Hope this helps  :)