Outer critic uneathing

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Oz

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Outer critic uneathing
« on: September 04, 2019, 07:43:58 AM »
I'm a freeze type and I've just unveiled the all encompassing power of my outer critic and it's hit me back now with full force.
 I see now the pattern it uses to isolate and alienate me, all day as I drive around at work and talk to people it automatically zooms in on the minutest flaw that I percieve but not just people anything in the environment even the rain, treated as separate incidences they don't amount to much but over the course of a day, a week I see how I'm further pushed into my isolation and glad to get home and shut the world out, which then fuels my inner critic for being so alone.
 I'm just taking faith in what Pete Walker says about the initial discovery of it and how it seems to flex it's muscles as awareness comes in because I'm struggling just to deal with people and I really don't like it.
 I'm expletively calling my critic out now when it makes up its nonsense about others and I try to imagine their best qualities instead, see how it goes.
 I've identified with this part of my disfunction for so long and it's made me feel like I'm a really bad person and pray that in time I come overcome and detach from it.
 If you've made it this far thanks for reading and I wish you well.

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Kizzie

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Re: Outer critic uneathing
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2019, 04:20:20 PM »
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I see now the pattern it uses to isolate and alienate me

I find mine acts up when I am angry and stressed so it's not only about keeping me safe by isolating me (although this is part of it to be sure), it's also about the anger and grief and loss I felt as a child and feel as an adult.

I do shout at my IC or at least I used to a LOT (as recommended by Pete), and it did help.  Nowadays I am able to confront it compassionately/firmly and say things like "No that's not fair or right to criticize that person or whatever, you're angry/upset about something and that's OK." 

FWIW it helped for me to try and understand I am NOT a bad person at all, I am just a person who was hurt and lost a lot and needs to express and feel that because it's a reasonable response to what I went through.

Hope this is helpful  :grouphug: