Deep Blue, I've been thinking about your post and the concept of fighting not to dissociate. I try to stay present, but when it kicks in, it kicks in and no matter how badly I want to stay present, I just can't. I've been thinking, it happens when I don't feel safe (maybe its not that simple. I don't know). I'm wondering if I come out of it when I start to feel safe again? I can't say that I've been able to link the end of the dissociative episode with the feeling of safety, but I'm wanting to explore this more. I think I want to ask myself, what will make me feel safe right now, when I start to feel the spaciness, the inability to focus--when it begins... Is it human connection i need, self care, crawling into my bed with covers over me, movement?
With delving into the kind of deep work you are doing it seems totally appropriate to dissociate. Maybe it will happen less as you journey or come on slower or last less time as you move ahead.
Thank you for sharing your journey. The work you are doing is tremendous. I think of you often--your strength, courage and healing. You are so incredibly brave.
