do you experience the same?

[suffersilence]

I grew up in a very strict household, over protective and strict mom, passive father. I grew up very afraid and always do everything what my mom wanted.  I also worked as a peacemaker for years to help keep the house calm.  (I am keeping it simple but if you have questions, I am happy to explain more) Eventually I graduated from high school, and seized the opportunity to go to USA for university as a way to escape the toxicity of my home. But unfortunately, it was then I realized that I do not know who I am and don't know what is my ambitions or goals.

So I spent quite a long time trying to find out what do I want to do with my life, what to do with my career plans.  Now Im approaching midlife and I am still stuck.  My questions for everyone, and I did ask my counsellor but it seems my counsellor is stumped or not willing to help me work through my struggles.  Do you find yourself feeling trapped (doing the same thing over and over, in your mind, struggling to figure out but going no where.)  And Do you find yourself feeling like give up because you spent so long in your whole life fighting (fighting to keep peace, fighting your own self, fighting co workers or boss for respect, fighting to get what you want.)  I talked with my friend and he said that I should not give up. but right now I feel fought out and just want to have peace and quiet. no more fighting, but I know I have to fight in order to get what I want (career wise, as I just graduated college with a diploma in automotive mechanics).

Plumb tuckered out.

Suffering in silence.

[Not Alone]

Glad you are not being silent right now and that you are talking to us.

And Do you find yourself feeling like give up because you spent so long in your whole life fighting (fighting to keep peace, fighting your own self, fighting co workers or boss for respect, fighting to get what you want.)  I talked with my friend and he said that I should not give up. but right now I feel fought out and just want to have peace and quiet. no more fighting, but I know I have to fight in order to get what I want (career wise, as I just graduated college with a diploma in automotive mechanics).

Plumb tuckered out.

With c-PTSD even the simplest task can seem overwhelming. Some days it feels like a fight to take the next breath, let alone making steps in a career. This is part of an email I sent to my T yesterday. "Told myself I need to fight, but couldn't remember what I'm fighting for. Just putting energy into a tiny victory in an un-winnable war?" Telling you this so you know you are not alone in those feelings. With that being said, I join with your friend in encouraging you to not give up. One step at a time. And your diploma---Huge accomplishment!! 

Another thought: What are some small ways that you can give yourself rest? A walk, a cup of tea, read a book, etc. Sometimes those little oasises help a bit.

[Phoebes]

Hi, suffersilence,

We are all glad you are here. You're in good company! I can really relate to this. I am mid-life and feel the same. I know that feeling of getting away from the house and just being in a non-war-zone type of house was my main goal. Just to be in silence, and peace.

Congratulations on your degree! You've got options, even if it's while you figure things out.

I felt as a young person my Nm was strict and overprotective. She was "just afraid" and wanted to "protect me," as she said. But, I see now she had to be in control. She was afraid I'd be me. She will even give herself away now and say things like "the important thing is I had the control, however I could get it." (well, last I saw her several years back, she said this, amongst other telling things.) She controlled my likes and dislikes, and effected my life trajectory, even in adulthood, because I didn't believe I could to the things I wanted, and I didn't know how to achieve that if I did.

I think if I could go back, I would have found people doing the things I wanted to do, and asked if I could interview them, shadow them, and find out the STEPS it took to become where they are. What were the struggled, what is a daily schedule like, what is their advice. I think in my head I had it all chalked up to self-esteem, talent and luck, and I didn't realize there is a method to self-discipline, practice and persistence. If you have an idea of what you'd like to do, mechanics or otherwise, are there some people in your area you could shadow, ask questions and get some advice? I feel like most people don't have that sense of "fighting" we do, and maybe it would help to hear how they achieve what they do..

Hugs to you. I'm cheering for you!

[suffersilence]

Thank you for the kind words.

sometimes I can't understand it when to others, its a normal part of life's journey to work hard, get promoted, or get a better career, or whatnot. but at the same time, I would rather work behind the scenes, in silence, unbothered, because I found myself easily irritated when people bothers me or try to help me but its not going the way I prefer it to.

I wonder is this a normal trait for people who suffer from Complex?

My counsellor tried to encourage me to be aware of whats going through my thoughts and try to stop my thoughts and  "retrain" my thinking habits. but I found it hard because my work is the kind where Im pretty much alone everyday, and Im mindlessly driving like a robot. The only time I found myself going through this kind of irritation or anger, is when I try to make things better and other "co worker" or whomever, just belittles me or pull me down.

Just my venting and voicing things out.  When I told my friend that I think I have PTSD, he didn't believe me and dismissed my thoughts. but the more I research on it, the more I realize I do have it, because I put so much effort in my daily lives to make sure no sudden surprises, everything is smooth sailing and in a routine that I know what to expect.  Im wondering do people who have Complex have an inability to handle stress levels, because I did enjoy working for one company because I controlled the amount of stress I am able to handle, and if they tried to put too much, I would say no more, and explain my reasoning. at that time, My boss was understanding. Unfortunately I left that company because I wanted to better myself.

sorry for the long post.
Silence.

[Rainagain]

I'd guess problems with regulating emotions is key to understanding what is happening.

The reason many seek calm, control, isolation etc. Is that it is hard to keep in balance emotionally around others.

Our stress response (fight/flight/freeze) is just wreckage so cant be relied upon.

My latest thought is to try to use an imaginary compassionate friend and try to work out what they would advise me to do.

If you take away self loathing and emotional turmoil what advice would you give yourself knowing the facts of a situation and knowing how damaged you are.

Empathy for yourself, giving yourself some space and gentleness. Asking others is tricky as few people get it, even if they assume they do.

[suffersilence]

I understand you about the regulation of emotions, but I discovered that when faced in extreme stress situation, my heart rate would soar to high levels, and I would be very agitated and angry.  When I remove myself from this stressful situation, I would collapse, and be in tears. This is what I would like to avoid. I would rather work through what is bothering me, and have supportive circle of friends and workers who can encourage me to do the best I can, and if I cannot do that, then it is okay.  The situation I am in, I do not have that.

I already requested a vacation, and am planning a crazy trip, which is literally taking me completely out of my comfort zone, but it is something I am passionate about, but very radical. I am passionate about riding my bicycle, and plan to go on a bicycle camping trip which I have not done since a decade ago. it is making me nervous because Im overthinking things, ie: what if this happens, what if I get hurt. etc etc. but I had to remind myself that I am to take things one day at a time. Don't worry about the next day.  so I am in the preparation stages, getting gear, supplies. Hopefully it will help me get in the right frame of mind and get my mind off from work and just enjoy my vacation.

so heres to hoping that things will work out the way I want them to.

S

[suffersilence]

Well... folks,

I've gone, and came back.  I went on my bike trip, starting in Vancouver, BC, Canada, and concluded it in San Francisco, California. planned to continue to San Diego, but time ran out. so decided to stop at San Francisco. Did I enjoy it, partly, but do I regret going, not at all. I truly did enjoy being outside, riding my bike. The part that I did not enjoy, was my struggle to keep up with my friends when we cycled uphill, and my constantly forcing myself to slow down because my friends would pace himself rather slowly to my liking. and the constant bickering my two friends towards eachother daily.

anyway, upon my return, I realized how much a relief mentally i had during that vacation, as when I was on holiday, I never felt sad, or mentally exhausted or in a fog or whatnot. but when i came back, had to work, and i realized just how much i despise my job and on the first day back, I was ready to kill someone. (figuratively).

So do complex ptsd make it hard for a person to look for a new job or accept stress levels, because my counsellor encouraged me to accept that in every job there is always stress.  Do C-ptsd make it hard for a person to express themselves, or stop thinking negatively and in cycle repeatedly?

feeling elated by the bike trip, but extremely fatigued by my work.
Paul

[Phoebes]

Gosh, I am wondering the same thing, and have recently had a vacation time and a rough start back to work. I even have an online job. One that seems ideal for me, and it is, except for the micromanaging, and difficult people. I truly struggle with this and feel unhappy a lot, because I feel unseen and unappreciated, and loathe being managed. But then, I keep saying, well at least I get to be alone at home! Whether or not this is the healthiest thing for me, it feels better than thinking of dealing with these people in person. I agree with you, that when I am not working, like on vacation or just the weekend, I feel so much happier and content. Not like in a lazy "I'm not working" way, but in a way I can relax and just be me and do things I need to without input from others. I like that too.

[Not Alone]

Glad you had a good vacation. That is a lot of bike riding! I'm impressed.

I think looking for and getting a new job is stressful for most people. The c-PTSD amplifies that. I have been in the process of having a new job. Still don't know if it will work, so haven't quit old job. Last week was super-stressful. Going to a job you despise sounds awful. Maybe start with one step, like updating your resume.

[suffersilence]

Well folks,

I'm now feeling depressed about current events in Canada.

On a positive note, I have an interview for a job this friday.  It will be a different field of work as i have been a delivery driver for 8 years, and an all purpose driver for 12 years. So the job I applied for is for a warehouse, logistic type of work, so hopefully it will be better, and I need a change of work.

anyway, having depression sucks big time.  I just noticed that whenever we get hit with cold temperature combined with snow, my depression become worse.  The worst part of this is that its only October. and I still have to go through 5 more months of winter, and the temperature that we endured this past week was pretty mild because I know later on probably in December or in January, temperature will hit -30 C or colder. 

Normally I would escape to the gym to help me ward off depression during winter, but this year, gym fees are too expensive for me to afford.

Im curious, what do you do or use to help alleviate depression, or C-PTSD trigger/reaction?

S

[Three Roses]

To help with depression - talking with friends, artistic expression (writing, drawing, etc), walks, teaching or to help others, time with my pets, daily reading in self help and spiritual writings. I'm also finding vitamins are helpful to me personally.

To help with preventing flashbacks, the only thing I've found to help prevent them is mindfulness, just being present in each moment. To alleviate a flashback after it has started, I follow Pete Walker's 13 steps - http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm (scroll to the end for the steps).

Hope this helps, best wishes to you.