Hypervigilance is Exhausting

[arale]

Like Bach said, "It's so weird having myself explained to me after so many years of being completely baffled as to why my life is the way it is when absolutely nothing adds up the way it should on the surface." It certainly felt weird and like being wacked in the head with a baseball bat when I read these lines:

This is why traumatized people often burn out quickly compared to others. We all have goals, and chances are, we'd all like to accomplish them sooner than reality permits. [We tend to] measure life in whatever external measures communicate success.

So that's why I burned out after finally getting my dream job barely after only 6 months? It's not only because I am a perfectionist or just fighting or flighting or just because I'm a loser? It's because I'm a Permanent Exhaust Machine?

It sure helps a lot when we can rewrite our autobiography with more kindness, gentleness and compassion - giving ourselves exactly the things we couldn't get when we needed them the most as kids. 

[Kizzie]

         

[Kizzie]

I know hypervigilance is not funny, but this made me laugh I have to admit.  I have a strong startle response so sent it to my H and S:

https://www.sunnyskyz.com/happy-videos/8895/Someone-Added-Audio-To-A-Startled-Hamster-Video-And-We-Can-039-t-Stop-Laughing

[Alice-In-Wonderland]

My brain and also my immune system are hyper-vigilant. My dermatologist diagnosed  it as "atopy". He said "I could put you in a bubble and you would still have allergic reactions- hives/sinusitis/asthma" When I looked up causes of atopy, low and behold one of the theories is "Maternal psychological trauma in utero may also be a strong indicator for development of atopy." Well that sure fits.

[Kizzie]

Geez, and the list of physical issues goes on.

Here's the article that was based on: Maternal stress and perinatal programming in the expression of atopy 

The growing list of potential programing agents includes psychological stress. Evidence linking psychological stress to atopy suggests that early disruption of neuroimmunoregulatory processes are probably involved [9]. Both primate and rodent models of prenatal stress and early adverse caregiving have helped us to understand the potential consequences of similar experiences in humans and their relevance to atopy [10]. Early-life adversity shapes stress neurobiology, resulting in disturbed regulation of endocrine and autonomic processes (e.g., the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal [HPA] axis and the sympathetic–adrenal–medullary system). These disturbed patterns of stress regulation are hypothesized to subsequently modulate immune function, increasing susceptibility to asthma and related diseases. Maternal stress experienced in utero may influence programing of these key physiological systems in children [10]. Stressors influence pathogenesis by causing dysregulated biobehavioral states (e.g., depression and post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD]), which, in turn, program lasting effects on physiological processes that influence disease risk. Infants of mothers who have prenatally programed biobehavioral sequelae from stress may, thus, inherit biological vulnerabilities that alter reactivity to subsequent challenges [11]. Likewise, nonoptimal early-childhood environments and care-giving experiences (e.g., maternal psychopathology or maternal insensitivity) may impact these processes [12,13]. Stress-elicited disruption of these inter-related systems – autonomic, neuroendocrine and immune – may lead to increased vulnerability to allergic sensitization and atopic risk.

[Alice-In-Wonderland]

Yes, Thanks Kizzie,

My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was in and out of mental hospital, even before I was born. So whether there was prenatal stress is an in my case is an absolute. It took me years of frustration and misdiagnosis of pain and symptoms from many different doctors before a dermatologist finally made this connection and at last it all made sense! It didn't make it go away but even having the answer is a huge relief in itself.   Just like understanding about EFs doesn't make them instantly go away but it sure goes a long way to relieving the 'crazy' feeling.

[Kizzie]

Could not agree more re the relief of knowing what's up Alice 

[LucySnowe]

I really appreciated this. I'm in the middle of a hard time with lots of stress and potential downfall, and not a lot of relief; and there's not much more I can do about it at this point other than what I'm doing... and I can't tell if it's going to work out. But it does really help, in the midst of that, to remember to be compassionate with myself and give myself breaks for my points of overwhelm and my coping mechanisms. I do feel—in my body, in my mind—how hard I work and how tired I am. I can at least give myself a break whenever possible or necessary!

We all, here, do so much, all the time: what this forum is helping me realize, as I read your posts and replies, is how hard you all work too, and on top of that, how sensitive (in the best ways), intelligent, considerate, resilient, judicious, strong, brave, and wise all of you are! And that makes me think, if I belong here, and I relate to the hard parts, maybe I have those good qualities too! You're helping me see the good in me through the good in you.

[LucySnowe]

On that point, here's a quote a loved one recently shared with me, by E.M. Forster on the "aristocracy of spirit":

"Not an aristocracy of power, based upon rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the considerate and the plucky. Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the one true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names.They are sensitive for others as well as themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke... Again and again Authority, seeing their value, has tried to net them and to utilize them as the Egyptian Priesthood or the Christian Church or the Chinese Civil Service or the Group Movement, or some other worthy stunt. But they slip through the net and are gone; when the door is shut, they are no longer in the room; their temple, as one of them remarked, is the Holiness of the Heart's Affection, and their kingdom, though they never possess it, is the wide-open world."

[woodsgnome]

 

Thanks for noting and sharing, LucySnowe

[Kizzie]

what this forum is helping me realize, as I read your posts and replies, is how hard you all work too, and on top of that, how sensitive (in the best ways), intelligent, considerate, resilient, judicious, strong, brave, and wise all of you are! And that makes me think, if I belong here, and I relate to the hard parts, maybe I have those good qualities too! You're helping me see the good in me through the good in you.

Exactly how I feel too, tks for expressing this so articulately Lucy 

[Barney]

So, about 6 weeks ago, my hypervigilance was spinning out of control...I could feel the "hamster wheel" in my gut spinning with no end in sight, almost to the point of hyperventilating. I knew what was happening, but could not stop it. I went to my chiropractor that day (he knows of my cPTSD) he's been doing laser work on my Achilles tendons ...and he said he had a new laser and it has a PTSD setting. He used it on my Vagus nerve at the base of my breast bone, and the base of my skull  3 minutes each. I wasn't expecting anything...and driving home through farm roads, all by myself in a quiet car, about 20 minutes later the hamster wheel stopped. I've never experienced a medical procedure like that in my 58 years on this planet. There are many places that do laser light therapy. If this is you, I'd say, look into it...what do you have to lose...

[Barney]

  Bach, I feel the same way 

Me too...Can we all just raise our collective hands... The only other place I relate/fit in is on a Facebook group CPTSD SUFFERERS AND SUPPORT...you guys are "my peeps"...
I thought I fit in at AA/NA...but in retrospect...I was just identifying with the CPTSD symptoms being spoken about in AA/NA terms...if that makes sense...there is so much trauma under the surface that never gets addressed in AA/NA...they're just treating a symptom...

[Rogue84]

just read the article and all the comments. It made me cry because can relate to so much. And i am not alone in this. I have always been so angry with myself for doing this (overactive thinking about negative scenarios / feelings of guilt and shame). Now i realize it's actually part of hypervigilance and i don't do it on purpose. And that my fatigue is not laziness or a mysterious disease, but actually understandable.

[Love-warrior]

Hello everyone, I am new in this community. What a relief to read all of your contributions. I read the article and it has a strong echo, especially when the author says "Sometimes, it seems easier to push through because it numbs us from fully feeling our pain. The result is almost always an inevitable crash. And when we crash, we feel like we are being "lazy." And so goes the vicious cycle." I do find myself in this situation and have no idea on how to break the cycle. I am pushing myself to keep going on...yet I know I do not have the energy, so it's an endless process. I push myself to show up as a parent, to show up as a "good worker"...