I live together with my ex. I broke up roughly 4 years ago, yet we have continued to live together for many reasons. But mainly due to money and the unwillingness of wanting to let completely go.
I told him I need to move out soon. We are just fighting or bickering. Neither can truly move on and work towards being the best us we can be as long as we live the way we do right now.
A few days ago we had another talk about it. Quite a few things were said and I learned alot of new things I hadn't known. He gave up his education for me ( which I had no idea. And I wouldn't have let him do so if I had known at the time. I see education as very important).
But now I am wondering if I am making the right choice. I am seeing a semblance of the man I fell for, not the boy he became since. I wonder if I gave up too soon. If I didn't tell him the truth soon enough.
He says that when we move apart we have to cut contact completey. It will be too hard on him to keep seeing me, or being in contact with me. And although I understand that, I didn't expect it. And I keep crying myself into panic attacks after panic attacks.
I don't know if I should tell him all the things I would need for him to do and change if I were to give him a second chance. The problem is too.. I don't event know if it would work. I don't know if it would be enough. Because it's not just him, it's my past. It's me. And I am not sure if asking him to change for me would be fair when I don't even know if it would work.
I generally believe too, that people should change if they want to, not because other people are telling them to.
But am I taking away his choice for choosing to change or not if I don't let him know?
A friend of mine says no, she says he is an adult he can figure that out on his own. But just because he is an adult that doesn't mean he is a mind reader. I know I definitely am not one.
Or am I just being selfish? And scared?