Processing emotion through terrible nightmares? {Possible triggers}

[Bluevermonter]

It's natural being the older one that you would protect your brother because you love him, and that you would take the brunt of the abuse.

What do you do to help your brother cope with living with your mom? Where does he go " off and on"?  Do you or he have money for food and shelter?  I'm thinking that you can turn your guilt into practical solutions which will possibly make you and he feel as you have more control over your lives. 

Maybe you already know this, but Use the advice given to battered women as a guide.  Do you have a means of contacting your brother in an emergency?  Do you have a meeting place in an emergency?  What about an adult or authority figure that is avail to consult with?

Also, does your brother understand the psych diagnosis that your mom has?  And what coping tools does he know to use?  Your brother already knows there is an elephant in the room, acknowledge it with facts, because then he knows what exactly he has to deal with.

Child welfare, a church, legal aid, teen support group, etc are resources avail to you to help find practical actions to assist you.  Some of those may not work to your satisfaction, but you can take on the adult responsibilities of research, consultation, and then using what you know to help your situations.

Just a few ideas that might help you feel as if you can take action if help.  Many more ideas out there, but most importantly, is that you have to help yourself before you can help your brother.  Sounds as if you love him and that love, in the long run, will assuage his trauma and yours.

My mom would meltdown for a few days and I as the oldest girl put the food on the table and cleaned house,etc until mom felt better.  In a small way I understand, so I can tell you that it will get better as you and he age into responsible adulthood.   in the meantime, do what anyone of us would do : have a plan, acquire resources, and someone to assist.

No wonder why you have awful nightmares. I hope you will soon have dreams that reflect your power as well as the ability to forgive yourself.

[Widdiful Falling]

I feel very out of control regarding my brother, since my M moved a couple states away. He lives with friends when my mom gets kicked out of her housing, and he spends his time at home avoiding the rest of the family. He spends most of his time at school.

The only way I'm able to contact him is via social media, but I talk to him a lot, and let him know how proud I am of his myriad coping skills,  and his schoolwork, and how wonderful I think he is. I talk with him about the various struggles people like us face in life. I also make sure that's not all we talk about.

I didn't think to use advice for battered women, but I don't know how applicable it will be, since he's so far away. If my M gives him grief about leaving for college, I am planning on driving to him, and extricating him, myself. I will probably drive down, anyway, to help him move into his dorm room. I think that would be fun.

He seems to be coping really well. I ask him about how he feels about things all the time, and he always has an answer. I talk with him about the dangers of bottling up emotions, and letting guilt get the better of him. He says that, other than his time spent around our FOO, he's happy. He has friends, and he stays after school with them every day to avoid going home. He is MC with M right now, and he plans on going NC once he moves out to go to college.