Inner child and bullies

[Jdog]

I was bullied by other children and by my own Father as a kid, and have experienced bullying by other adults on my job.  I am also a high school teacher, and guess what - some of my students (shocking, I know) are bullies.  I sit on an anti-bullying task force within my school district, help kids at my school who are targets, etc.  All this by way of saying that bullying is front and center on my radar.

Last night, I was very tired but trying to do some grading anyway.  I felt myself begin to go into an EF - began overeating, almost called my wife "Mom"  (glad I caught that one) and finally went to bed.  I awoke a few minutes ago with a familiar scared feeling in my stomach - the onset of a panic attack.  I decided to try something new - began talking to inner child.  I asked her what was wrong - what she was afraid of.  Immediately, the image of one of my students came into my head - a boy who is clearly troubled.  I hadn't thought about it this way before, but he is the type of kid that terrorized me when I was younger.  I asked inner child whether she was afraid of this bully....she nodded.....and the feeling of panic subsided.  Very interesting.  I guess perhaps one way of looking at my work in schools is as a way of connecting with myself and healing some wounds - at least being attentive to the triggers and acknowledging them.

Don't know whether this may help anyone else, but it was something new for me so thought I might share.

[Kizzie]

Last night, I was very tired but trying to do some grading anyway.  I felt myself begin to go into an EF - began overeating, almost called my wife "Mom"  (glad I caught that one)

Yes, I'll bet you're glad caught that one lol 

I awoke a few minutes ago with a familiar scared feeling in my stomach - the onset of a panic attack.  I decided to try something new - began talking to inner child.  I asked her what was wrong - what she was afraid of.  Immediately, the image of one of my students came into my head - a boy who is clearly troubled.  I hadn't thought about it this way before, but he is the type of kid that terrorized me when I was younger.  I asked inner child whether she was afraid of this bully....she nodded.....and the feeling of panic subsided.  Very interesting. 

Wow JDog, that really is interesting and it's great that you can talk to your IC so directly.  I don't always recognize my triggers nor am I always able to talk directly to my IC, but I'm getting better at both and you're so right it really does help. It takes the mystery out of those EFs and defuels them. 

Thanks for sharing your experience. 

[Rrecovery]

Congratulations on such a victory!  I was bullied too, it's so painful.  I believe the worst thing childhood abuse and neglect does to us is to disconnect us from our authentic selves.  Talking to our inner-child is the best method I know for communicating with our authentic selves.  As a compassionate, nurturing relationship is built with our inner-child, we become reconnected with ourselves and establish a loving, non-judgmental relationship with ourselves - we undo the worst damage that was done to us.  Thanks for sharing 

[Jdog]

Kizzie and R-

Thanks to you both for such lovely and reflective responses to this experience I shared.  I have gone through panic attacks for a couple of years now, had a case of hives, intestinal distress, heart palpitations and more and now I really think all of these fun symptoms link to my inner child/authentic self attempting to connect with the other parts of me.  Interesting to note that the morning I made this discovery, I went to teach and the young man who triggered this feeling inside of me threatened to burn down our school garden.  I don't think our inner voices are only reflective of what is contained inside of us- sometimes they also report on things beyond our own skin.  I'm starting to read Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now"- got it in a thrift store for $1.50.  It seems relevant to my experience - Tolle is an advocate of not resisting our pain.

Thanks again and I send good wishes for everyone's healing as we reconnect with our whole selves.

[Rrecovery]

I'm a fan of Eckhart but I would also like to offer a heads-up that his "recovery process" from severe depression and anxiety was exceedingly unique - it happened in an "instant" with one insight.  For 99.999999999999% of us recovery is a process that involves developing self-  awareness, acceptance and on-going care.  Eckhart shifted into a permanent "no-self" paradigm where he only relates to "the present moment."  For most of us it's not nearly as simple as that.  His way isn't "the" way.  Just keep this in mind.  I fell into the "there is no self" trap for years - it didn't work for me and doesn't work for most people.  On the other hand his writings about relating to the present moment are awesome and worthwhile.

[Jdog]

In regards to Tolle, I see your point and would definitely pick and choose what I try to utilize myself.  Yes, the recovery process for most of us is a daily commitment to self care rather than a sudden 180 degree turn motivated by a blinding flash which renders us transparent.  Thanks for the two cents!