Realised something today.

[Annegirl]

I feel such freedom and relief as I just realized something that was keeping me in prison in my mind. My husband and I were making dinner and I felt like a hot drink. But I subconsciously stopped myself from having one (without realizing) thinking I shouldn't indulge as we were working and my husband might ask me what Im doing drinking a hot drink while making dinner.
About half an hour later I noticed my husband having a can of beer as he usually does around that time and I thought "why did i even stop myself having a hot drink?" and i realized how many times I stop myself doing things like this when he is around and I was subconsciously thinking he would have a problem with it when he never has. I just was living in the past thinking he will react and tip it down the sink or spill it all over me like my mother did before i learned not to indulge in her presence.
I feel so free now that i see this, I can have a hot drink whenever I like.

[schrödinger's cat]

Oh my, yes. I know whereof you speak. In my language, we call it "self-censoring", let's see if that word exists in English... yes, google says it does. I've noticed that I sometimes don't even know anymore what it is I like and want, I'm so used to keeping my head down and fitting in.

Something that I've noticed and that seemed interesting: this gets WORSE if I drift back into thinking that my childhood/teenage years were normal, that my FOO is normal, that it wasn't all that bad. And when I become once again aware of just how weird things were, it's easier to break this self-censorship habit. It's like, as long as I think that my adolescence was normal, I kind of have the feeling that the same rules still apply to my present life. And if I realize that it was abnormal, it's easier to tell myself that it's over and I can learn to live a peaceful life now. Did you observe something like that in yourself or is this just me?

[marycontrary]

Yes, keep being disobedient to your inner critic.....it took me a while as well. Now I spoil myself all the time with hot drinks. taking clothes to the cleaners, and getting my toenails painted....

YA :bighug:Y!

[seasaw_]

Annegirl, thanks for posting that.  I relate to it SO MUCH.  I do that ALL THE TIME.  I'm emailing the content of your post to my boyfriend and adding 'THIS, THIS is what I'm talking about.'

[Annegirl]

great seesaw!

[no_more_fear]

I think it with everything. Right now I'm even stopping myself going to the loo because I used to have to hold it for fear of annoying anyone if I did go. This is stupid, I'm going now 

[Annegirl]

awesome no more guilt!