Hello. I'm new too.

[WitchRoseAmI]

Hello All. I'm Rose.  I've been reading through the site. And finally decided to join the forum. I have much trepidation but I also know that I am unable to go it alone. I am not yet ready to elucidate on the abuses of my childhood.  But I have reached a point where I must return to work on it. For years I've thought I was past it. I thought I was ok.  But at the most inopportune time  I was blindsided with an unexpected emotional trigger. Bang. flashback. Suddenly I am emotionally experiencing a  rerun  of one of my worst episodes of intense  childhood abuse.  Three days later my guts are still shaking. I jump when some one enters the room. And my mind feels like it's ready to implode. Yeah I guess I am not as ok as I thought I was.  :-(  Will  this never ever end? I'm 53 this year. Shouldn't I have forgotten and moved on? I mean really. I'm an adult not a child anymore. 

[C.]

Welcome and thank you for sharing your challenge.  When I read through what you wrote all I could think was I'm sorry for your experience, and I know, it's really unfair.  Unfair that someone else injured you as a child in a way that still affects you today.  As a society it seems that we don't validate emotional injuries in the same way we do physical ones.  I don't know your experience so maybe you have physical scars too.  But, if someone has say a car accident and permanently injures their leg to where it will hurt off and on for a long time, hopefully less over time, but perhaps for their lifetime, then other people say Oh, I'm so sorry, look at your leg, that's so sad.  But when it's emotional and the injury is inside there isn't the same validation from many people, often including ourselves.

I guess I just hear you being hard on yourself.  What you went through is significant and if it means you need to do more to heal, that's ok.  It's great that you're reaching out here.  I hope that you continue to do so and continue to find compassion and healing from your experience here and in other ways.  I look forward to getting to know you.

[Kizzie]

Hi WitchRose and a very warm welcome to OOTS      Unfortunately the symptoms of CPTSD don't fade away with time. they stick with us until we process the trauma and integrate the trauma into our psyche.  As C points out, CPTSD is difficult in terms of garnering support/valisation because it's not visible. So try and think of CPTSD as a major stress injury that needs treatment.  If it isn't treated at best it remains the same or in the worse case scenario deteriorates.

I am so sorry you are having such an overwhelming and lasting emotional flashback right now - they are just so hard to bear I know    Do you have a therapist?  You may have come across a link to Pete Walker's site in looking around the site, but in case you haven't he has an article on managing EFs that may be helpful - http://www.pete-walker.com/.

Please don't feel you have to post about the abuse you suffered, self-care is all about doing things when you are ready.