Newbie here

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_Redd_

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Newbie here
« on: March 29, 2015, 03:54:05 PM »
Hi everyone,
I am brand new to this forum and actually working through this stuff. I have always known my FOO is incredibly dysfunctional, but many people have dysfunctional families, right? And they do just fine, or appear to be doing just fine. I have minimized the effects of abuse and neglect my whole life. So, my unN/BPD mother and I have had NC for 3 years. Previous to this NC go round, we were NC for about a year, but I went back. That initial NC was just ammunition for her. The first time I had NC with her, I still had contact with my brother, but he quit talking to me when my mother and I went NC. their relationship is very emotionally incestual. He took my place after I backed off. My mother goes on smearing campaigns about how awful I am, and people believe her. I was referred to OOTF by a mentor after she witnessed a regression and me sobbing unable to stop. My mother and brother would sit and just emotionally and mentally beat me up and laugh. It has been physical, too. I am triggered when my hypervigilance reads a dark mood around me. I then melt down. I start EMDR this coming week and am hoping for relief. I welcome all experiences, advice, and words.

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Newbie here
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2015, 05:20:46 PM »
Dear redd when I read someone's elses story that is so like mine I feel sad and wide eyed - I am now coming to a stage where the 'was it really that bad thoughts are going - and I know it was bad enough to effect me for this long -
I'm new here too - I wish u every best with your next stage in recovery -
The weeping hit me again in therapy ( this time with a child trauma specialist ) and I feel so grateful to be educated by her adult to adult and be able to feel the loss and sadness that comes up 'still
Our journeys are full of treasure - the treasure of us :)

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Kizzie

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Re: Newbie here
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2015, 09:10:17 PM »
HI Redd and a very warm welcome to OOTS  :wave:   

First of all  :hug:  - you sound like you could use one and I know the * of dealing with NPD FOO that you describe.  I too started at OOTF and it was there that I finally was able to piece their behaviour together (so good to know I wasn't crazy!), and then to figure out I have CPTSD (so hard to realize that my FOO were abusive, not "merely" dysfunctional :'().   

MY CPTSD really flares up when I am around my PD FOO so I have gone NC with all of them and LC with my M.  It has helped reduce the triggering so much that life is not about using up all my energy dealing with PD drama and chaos, of surviving all of that any more.  Are you able to go NC again or at least LC?  That may help give you some emotional space to begin to recover, to focus on you and what you need for a change.

I don't know if you're aware o f something called emotional flashbacks but it may be what you're having when you are triggered by your PD FOO. You can read about them (and other symptoms of CPTSD at Pete Walker's site (http://www.pete-walker.com/).  He is a therapist in the US who works with clients who have CPTSD and he has it himself, so he sees things from the inside out and the outside in.  And there are lots of forums and other resources here but a note of caution. It can be overwhelming so you may want to go slowly and take breaks, at least initially

Glad you made your way here :hug:



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_Redd_

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Re: Newbie here
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2015, 01:32:40 AM »
BSSR,
thank you for your warm welcome. I appreciate it.
Kizzie,
I have been NC for 3 years. I seem to ve triggered by everyone all the time. My melt downs usually manifest as anger out bursts at others and I HATE it. It leaves me feeling so shi**y. I will definitely check peter walker out. Thank you!

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seasaw_

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Re: Newbie here
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2015, 03:29:43 AM »
Hi Redd.  I'm new to this forum too, and I'm right there with you - NC with my npd mom.  10 months this time, and neverrrrrr going back.  Hope you're taking good care of yourself.  :)

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Rrecovery

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Re: Newbie here
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2015, 05:32:23 PM »
Hi Redd and Welcome  :wave:  My mom was uNPD/BPD.  When I would go NC the rest of the family shunned me.  Most of my adult life I've felt like an orphan.  She passed in 2004 and it has been healing to the family.  I'm in contact again and we all seem a lot healthier.  It's really something how one person can cause so much misery.  I haven't forgotten my Dad's and sibling' complicity in the abuse.  I hold them very lightly these days.  I have developed friendships with healthy people and a very loving, nurturing relationship with myself.  Things really can get better, bit by bit.  I'm glad you're here  :hug:
« Last Edit: April 01, 2015, 01:04:15 PM by Rrecovery »

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_Redd_

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Re: Newbie here
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2015, 09:42:47 PM »
Thank you Rrecovery for your response. I believe and am hoping for more healthy friendships and freedom from the emotional chains of abuse. It is tough when it is unresolved and I feel like an open wound walking around. On top of that, it is difficult to explain to people who DGI. I am sticking to sharing with those who do get it! I am feeling relief for the first time as I see others post "I understand that" "That is my experience". It is wonderful and brings comfort. Thank you! I appreciate those reaching out.