Documentary about CSA - TW Title: "My Dad the Peodophile."

[Hope67]

I watched a documentary called "My Dad the Peodophile"
Even as I try to write this, I can't spell the word - it's like I'm experiencing an emotional flashback, but I'm going to keep writing.  I wanted to write this today.

I watched the programme and it showed women who have experienced CSA from their fathers.  There were 3 or 4 of them, but my memory of the programme is already fading as I am aware that there is a part of me that likes to rub out memories, and keep them out of my attention. 

It was useful to watch the programme, and I found it very upsetting too, but also found it helpful to hear experiences of women and how they had coped and what had happened. 

There was a woman who had told her mother about it, but I saw that her mother found it very difficult to offer sympathy to the woman, and that was difficult to watch.  However, the woman took some positives from the interaction, as she had not told her mother for many years. 

I can't write more now.  But I'm glad I wrote something, as this was hard for me to do - there are parts of me that don't want me to even talk about this, but I do want to.

As I write this, it feels as if I'm pushing something very heavy and dark up hill.  I don't know why, but that's the image that came to my mind.  Something heavy and dark, and it resists me.

I also feel like there's a part of me that is very upset.  I feel like I want to cry.  I have a pain in my stomach now.    Like a knotted feeling.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Hope, that sounds a really, really difficult thing to do - watch that documentary.

I'm standing with you, and if it's not too close atm I'd like to offer you a safe, gentle hug.

[Bach]

You were very brave to watch that documentary, and to write about it here.  Wanting to not have to remember or talk about it because it just sucks so much but also really wanting to because you want so much to heal is painful and confusing.  I'm glad that it was useful for you.  I have a hug in my heart for you if you need it

[Kizzie]

Pushing feelings away to my mind is good self care, an "All things in moderation" approach that is in place to help us deal with horrible truths. FWIW I think facing the memories and feelings a bit at a time just as you are doing is healthy so you don't tire out before you reach the top of the hill.

In my mind's eye I see you getting to the top, letting go of the boulder and watching it fly down the other side, then taking a big breath of cool fresh air and looking around at the incredible view.

Safe cyber group hug 

[caroline]

Hi, sorry to drag this up but I have been watching this in bits as I can manage them. Thanks for this warning