Therapy as a Senior

[Kizzie]

I am mid 60s though so age is a factor for me. I don't see myself sitting in a T's office at 70 or 80 frankly.   Once we're settled in our new location I am going to give therapy one last good go to see if I can improve my life as I hit the 'home stretch' but I am somewhat doubtful about what I can accomplish.  I am mostly comfortable with not having many close relationships, and am getting to the point where I would rather spend my $$$ and time on trying to have some fun than on a T.

Of course, this is just me and I'm not recommending anyone stop therapy just b/c of age. 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi kizzie
Yes I hear you.. I find its getting clear on what I want to treat from the therapeutic model.. getting clear on this and exploring with the t how that can be realistically met.
Improving quality of life sounds a good goal.
I understand it can feel relentless working on self..
Relationships are my biggest challenge but I finally feel I have a new found strength to work with this t in cognitive analytic relational therapy.
I wish u the best on this your grand finale therapy.. Be good to hear what you going to be doing and how it goes....

[bluepalm]

Kizzie, in response to your last post, may I say I had assumed that, being in my early 70s, I was basically 'past' therapy - that my life was so near its end that no-one would feel it was worth spending time helping me any more. I felt that, being officially an 'elderly' woman, I had to live with where I'd reached and manage on my own from now on.

But then I reached a crisis point earlier this year where self-destructive feelings became powerful again, and during a visit to my GP about a minor physical ailment, something inside me broke and I tried to explain how desperate I felt. Luckily my GP was an exceptionally kind and empathic person and his reaction of concern and support allowed me to keep reaching out for support again and now I have found OOTS, I have new antidepressant medication that is working well for me and I have found a kind, skilled therapist who is a littler older than me and with whom I have made strong progress in resolving issues that have troubled me for years. At the moment I see her infrequently, but knowing that I have another session in some weeks' time is enough to give me an anchor point of safety to keep exploring and managing to work things out while I'm on my own.

So, my recent experience has given me the confidence to feel that, for so long as I'm alive and wanting to work on healing my trauma, I should seek support.

I once could not have said this, but I now feel my life is no less of value because I'm in 'the home stretch'. In fact, I'm coming to feel grateful that I've lived long enough to accumulate the experience and knowledge that are now helping me do some of the best emotional work of my life. And freeing myself of some of the pain as I reach that home stretch so I can live, for however long, with more peace on this earth is precious to me.

[Kizzie]

BluePalm & Boats - Tks for sharing your feelings and thoughts, it's both helpful and hopeful to have your feedback 

I guess my lack of enthusiasm for more talk therapy comes from the length of time it takes and the cost. I'd really like therapy that takes into account the somatic aspects of my trauma that talk therapy has not really dealt with. It's why I'm hoping to connect with a T that is knowledgeable about more holistic methods for treating trauma (eg somatic experiencing) once we're moved and settled. We haven't lived close enough to any trauma knowledgeable T's like this but I will now so fingers crossed.

I don't know if age is a factor for anyone else, but it did pop up for me which is why I wanted to mention it as I know some members here are seniors.  I definitely don't want to discourage anyone from continuing/seeking therapy no matter their age though     

[Bach]

I'm in my 50s and have been in intensive psychotherapy twice a week since I was in my 30s.  It has been very helpful to me as I've gradually put together an understanding of what happened to me before the age of 18, how it affected me earlier in my adult life, and how it continues to impair me.

At this point in my life, I feel a bit uncomfortably dependent on my talk therapy sessions, especially after enduring the retirement last year of the therapist under whose care I had been for 17 years after some mostly unsuccessful attempts to find someone who could help me.  The best therapist I had before her was a kind man who cared a lot and helped me keep my head above water for a few years after I had a nervous breakdown, but with whom I made little or no actual progress.  Before that therapist left, she helped me find another with whom I could continue treatment, and although that was a difficult adjustment, getting a new perspective was quite beneficial, and put me in a great position to understand and accept the concept of CPTSD when I discovered it earlier this year. 

Now I have a bit of a dilemma, because I honestly can't imagine coping without knowing that I have those scheduled times to be with someone who will listen, believe and try to help, and I worry about future transitions and changing circumstances. 

Also, as you say, Kizzie, I would like to address the somatic aspects of my trauma.  Talk therapy is of only limited value in doing that, but I grew up with a NM who was locked in a toxic and codependent relationship with her own NM, who was a psychoanalyst, so I was pretty much born to psychoanalyse (myself and pretty much everyone else!) and have difficulty comprehending what therapy even is if it's not psychoanalysis. 

I tend to feel pretty intense confusion and fear even trying to untangle what are the various other therapeutic options for CPTSD.  So for now I'm still just doing the best I can with my twice-weekly talk sessions, and hoping, hoping, that some day...

[woodsgnome]

I've been in and out of therapy for many years. Despite some very ineffective therapists, I missed at least the prospect of validation and support for my long-standing issues when I dropped out for periods.

It wasn't until around 4 years ago that I encountered a very compatible therapist who made it worthwhile for me to consider therapy as part of my toolkit while I cruising into the sixties age range.

Therapy for serious trauma(s) can involve a lengthy cycle, but I still feel drawn to exploring new territory where I can continue this transformational journey. I've  been around therapy long enough, though, to not regard it as a cure-all perfectionist means to breaking entirely free of cptsd's heavy residue.

Having creeped past some of the old stumbling blocks with the aid of therapy, I'd feel a little oozy to just cut off from its support function entirely, regardless of any artificial age factor.   

[Kizzie]

I can certainly understand why neither of you would want to step away from therapy Bach & WG, I doubt I would either if I had an established, helpful relationship. It's the idea of trying to find a T I connect with and then building a relationship that had me wondering if it's worth it at this stage in my life. 

Being closer to a large city I will have lots of choice though so I do stand a good chance of finding someone who is knowledgeable about both relational and somatic therapy.  Fingers crossed.

I'm glad I did bring this up, as always it helps to talk about things.   

[Bach]

I can certainly understand why neither of you would want to step away from therapy Bach & WG, I doubt I would either if I had an established, helpful relationship. It's the idea of trying to find a T I connect with and then building a relationship that had me wondering if it's worth it at this stage in my life. 

Being closer to a large city I will have lots of choice though so I do stand a good chance of finding someone who is knowledgeable about both relational and somatic therapy.  Fingers crossed.

I'm glad I did bring this up, as always it helps to talk about things.   

Kizzie, I hope you can find someone good. I do think it helps to have someone you know is on your side against the demons.

[Kizzie]

Tks Bach , I hope so too 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Somatic work sounds really hopeful..
I've read some interesting stuff on this abait briefly 'bessel v d k
I do theraputic dance space and that really helps me release beyond words..

[sanmagic7]

even now, i would love to find a t who would be helpful.  i could so use someone for guidance and direction, what to go after next, how to go about it.  i've been working on my own forever, and it would seem like a relief to have some help w/ this.  for me, with what i have managed to accomplish by myself, i think it would have taken a lot less time and energy to have someone's help, someone to lean on in reality.  i'm not taking anything away from what i've gotten from everyone here, but i think i could've been way ahead of this game by now w/ a professional.

i get the idea of simply spending my money on fun stuff.  if you can do that kizzie, that would be great.  something somatic is also very appealing. i just still have so many issues that have never been dealt w/ in a professional manner, and so many that have been ruined by professionals, that i'd love to have someone tease all this stuff apart for me as i head into my golden years.  so much more efficient, i'm thinking.  it's hard for me sometimes to be able to separate what's real, what's imagined, how much, what's the harm/damage - all that kind of thing.  to have someone be able to consistently be there, straightening it all out seems like a dream.

just my 2 cents' worth.  by the by, i'd love to throw some somatic work in the mix as well.  love and hugs

[Blueberry]

I'm not a senior yet, I'm heading towards 50 rn. But when I first read your post Kizzie, I thought - yeah, that could be good to not really feel like T anymore at some point. T is strenuous. Wouldn't it be nice to just accept where I am in life and live with that, after decades of on and off T and 'working on self'? Or maybe it's something to look forward to: not 'needing' so much T anymore? But I see now anyway you meant something different. I get that too, all too well - trying to find a T you can work with and establish a good working relationship. And I guess - I have heard anyway - many things get more strenuous when you get older.

i just still have so many issues that have never been dealt w/ in a professional manner, and so many that have been ruined by professionals, that i'd love to have someone tease all this stuff apart for me as i head into my golden years.  so much more efficient, i'm thinking. 

Me too, on the "ruined by professionals" - so much that was worsened by professionals who refused to believe it was cptsd I was dealing with and who went through my defensive walls too often, too early. So I can really understand that you'd like a professional who can work properly with trauma and with you. My present T is constantly making subtle corrections to what was done and said to me in the past. That makes for more efficient progress than when I'm turning in circles in things I used to believe because told so often by Ts and other professionals. I really wish for you that you can find some really good fit like this for yourself. For you too Kizzie.

[sanmagic7]

thanks, bb - it really would be nice.  and i'm glad you've found someone who is helping you with all that back rubbish. 

i do hope you find what you need, kizzie.  that would be so great!  love and hugs