So work had been tough.
I've been aware that it's been tough. I've tried to work out why. The number of claims of increased. Other people haven't done their job properly, so the documents I need for my job just aren't there. People are responding slower to my requests, or ignoring me. We've changed our email system and have just changed our database. I've had meetings so I've been away from my desk. I've also taken most of my annual leave in the last third of the year. Then I took on the complex and difficult claims.
In the face of it I've had a good reason to struggle. But in spite of it I've been triggered by it. I've been panicked by it to be brutally honest. I've feel very vulnerable - threatened and unsafe. Good old CPTSD. I've noticed an increase in my generalised anxiety symptoms. My rumination has been a full pelt. I've felt full of cortisol and adrenaline most of the time. As a consequence my sleep had been disturbed and it's been difficult to relax.
We have 13 new members joining us in February, almost doubling my workload! On of my supervisors and his boss wanted to chat to me about how I saw things going. I was surprised to find that they'd already decided that I needed help, even before the new members had joined us. This made me feel like a failure but as my comments above show, there are genuine reasons for it. But more importantly, they accept them and agree.
They said that they were impressed with the way I worked and my systems. They agree I need a full time member to support me. It's up to me how we organise things. They are keen not to upset me too. The new person won't be with me until February and they told me not to be thinking/worrying about things. Although I know that I will completely forget this, and I probably will worry!!!