Hi

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nina

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Hi
« on: October 17, 2019, 09:43:42 PM »
Hi.. somehow it took me about 3 years to open that forum. I am still not sure if I belong here. Or where I belong. I hope to find people with similar experiences / problems, to maybe feel less crazy and more able to navigate in my life.. sometimes I get very confused.

In case I do have CPTSD, it would be probably coming from childhood. I had some particularly bad bad luck at school, resulting in being excluded from the social interactions with most peers for 12 years. Also open hostility from a relative 2 years younger than me, around age 10-12. Also something that could be called emotional abuse from my parents, but may also be called not having perfect parents. Actually the parenting style involved a lot of gaslighting, so I have no clue if what is real and what is/was just in my head.

In adulthood repetitive very bad experiences in attempts at relationships. Right now no self esteem, identity issues, trust issues, used to have extreme mood swings, but now I got at least that under control. Frequent dissociation - I know it only because I have gaps in memory, from few seconds to few hours.. sometimes few days.

Thank you for reading.

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Jazzy

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Re: Hi
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2019, 11:04:30 PM »
Hi Nina, welcome to the forums!

Sorry to hear you had such a difficult childhood. Some of us here have had a pretty rough time as well, so you're not alone with that. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of difficult things, but you are making some progress, such as identifying the gaslighting, and having some control over the extreme mood swings. That's a really big accomplishment.

It can be really tough to feel like you belong somewhere, especially with self esteem and identity issues. Nobody here can really give you a diagnosis though, that's something you would have to talk to your doctor and/or mental health professional about. Whatever the reason for your troubles, I wish you success on your healing journey. There's a lot of info here that hopefully will be helpful.

Take care! :)

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MoonBeam

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Re: Hi
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2019, 03:54:28 AM »
Welcome. Nina  :wave:  to a safe place to not feel alone in the struggle.

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Snowdrop

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Re: Hi
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2019, 04:59:45 AM »
Hi Nina, and welcome. :wave:

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Blueberry

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Re: Hi
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2019, 11:35:27 AM »
 A warm welcome to the forum, Nina!  :heythere:

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Boatsetsailrose

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  • Hello welcome - so glad I am here and you are too
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Re: Hi
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2019, 05:31:53 PM »
Welcome Nina..
Reading, sharing and processing have all helped me such a lot here...
Little by slow and sometimes fast

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Three Roses

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Re: Hi
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2019, 03:17:13 PM »
Welcome, Nina! Thanks for joining the forum.

Seems like one thing we all have in common here is the feeling that we don't belong or are not deserving of support. These are beliefs that are instilled in us from abusive or emotionally absent parents /caretakers. You DO belong, you ARE worthy of support, you almost certainly did suffer some difficult childhood experiences - I was really floored at finding an entire community of people here who understood and could relate to me in ways I'd never before felt from others, and I hope you have the same here. Good to meet you!
 :heythere: