Condemnation over quitting job

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notalone

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Condemnation over quitting job
« on: October 19, 2019, 05:16:02 PM »
Inner critic is working overtime right now.  :pissed: :fallingbricks: Since July I have been doing a new part time job, but did not quit my other part time job. I have decided not to continue with the new job. I am under contract with them until January, but am not required to take a minimum number of clients, so I will just finish the three clients that I have and not open my schedule to any more. I was hoping to feel relief with this decision, but I feel like a failure. One of the activities that I have seen suggested regarding increasing self-kindness, is to write down your self-condemning thoughts, then answer those thoughts with how you would respond to someone else or how someone who cares about you would respond. I'm going to try that here.

 :pissed:(Critic): You don't even deserve to write on OOTS right now for support. You haven't been on there for awhile.
 :sunny: You haven't been on OOTS because you've been having a really hard time lately. It's not that you don't care about people. You have just been trying to get by. There are people on OOTS who care about you. It is okay to write even though you haven't been able to read or respond for awhile.

 :pissed: You are a failure. Other people do that job and love it. What is wrong with you?
 :sunny: Other people are not in my situation. They are not struggling with trauma. In a different time and a different situation, I could have done the job successfully.

 :pissed: You invested a lot of money in materials needed for this job. You aren't worth it.
 :sunny: True. I did invest money. Two of the big purchases were probably really needed and will continue to be used by my family and myself. I tried to be careful not to spend too much on the smaller items.

 :pissed: You spend too much time preparing for each client. You should be able to do that faster.
 :sunny: One of the reasons that you are good at what you do is because you put effort and preparation into your job. Probably the other employees who are doing a good job are spending time preparing. Also, in order to gain enough clients to quit job #1, you would need to invest even more time, at no pay. This job is taking a lot of unpaid time and you are worth being paid for your work.

 :pissed: You shouldn't get so stressed before each client.
 :sunny: My stress has been decreasing. That is part of living with c-PTSD. New things are very stressful. That is my reality, one of the consequences of the damage done to me. I am not bad for feeling anxious.

 :pissed: You can't do anything right.
 :sunny: Not true. I do many things right. I've even done this job right. It just isn't right for me at this time. (I recall my second grade teacher tell me those exact words, "You can't do anything right.") I reject those words. They are not true. Besides, my value is not based on doing things right or perfectly.

 :pissed: You better start looking for another job right now!
 :sunny: You still have your first job and are getting enough hours. Give yourself a little break before looking for something else. Also, give yourself time to reevaluate if you should stick with job #1 or find something else
 :sunny: Your husband is supportive of you quitting. He's not complaining that you invested money.


I feel shaky and waves of fog going through my body. I wish I could just quit a job and go on instead of feeling the self-condemnation of childhood.

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Blueberry

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2019, 06:07:47 PM »
Hey notalone, those are great responses to your ICr! Good for you.

Of course you're welcome on OOTS for support!! You don't have to give in order to receive here! Not that you don't give here anyway, but just saying.  :grouphug: :grouphug: With much support from OOTS to you  :bighug:

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Snowdrop

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2019, 07:06:48 PM »
I'm sorry you've been going through a tough time. I want you to know that I care about you, irrespective of whether you are able to read or respond. You belong here. :hug:

Your responses sound true and valid to me.

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Three Roses

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2019, 03:08:24 PM »
I want to repeat and affirm what's been said - great insight and response to your ICr and of course you can come here for support!  :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2019, 12:03:06 AM »
Thank you for your kind responses and care. It helps.

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sj

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2019, 04:32:33 AM »
hello notalone   :wave:

sorry to know you've been having such a stressful time :/

I'm admiring how clearly you were able to identify IC storylines and then how sensibly you were able to respond to those  :applause: .... this exercise looks like a really effective one, so I'm very glad you shared this on the board as it has made me realise I would benefit from doing something similar - Thank you  :thumbup: :)

really hope things settle down and clarify for you

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Kizzie

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2019, 10:11:51 AM »
Keep on listening to that  :sunny: voice, it's telling you the truth finally.   :grouphug:

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Bach

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2019, 12:46:22 PM »
Hi Notalone  :wave:  I just wanted to say Hi and that I'm one of the people who cares about you :grouphug: I understand and relate to feeling that you don't deserve to be able to come and write here (as I'll bet probably lots of people do) but I'm glad you did and I hope it helped.  I've been struggling with that feeling too, and with the rest of my life.  I wonder if it's because we've been working so diligently to be more well and making progress, so everything in us that is conditioned to not let us be well is fighting against it.

You did so well with that self-kindness exercise! :applause:   I agree with Kizzie, :sunny: voice is telling you the truth. :pissed: is a blustery bully!  Please try not to lose heart.

So many gentle hugs for you :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #8 on: October 21, 2019, 10:34:05 PM »
 :yeahthat:

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MoonBeam

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2019, 10:45:25 PM »
Notalone, I really appreciated your post and the strength it took to face the ICr and speak truth to all of the manipulations and untruths they tell. You are worthy of care and love and in that peace of mind in your work. To me it sounds like really healthy self-care to step away from a job that isn't feeding you, that is creating stress in your life and saying no to the voices of the past.
Thinking of you and sending care and a supportive :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Condemnation over quitting job
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2019, 12:44:54 AM »
I'm so grateful to all of you for your encouragement and support. The voice of the inner critic has decreased from a volume of 8 to a 4.  :cheer: