FOO and Pets **TW** PA, EA, death

  • 4 Replies
  • 705 Views
*

Perplex

  • Member
  • 67
  • Keep on keeping on...
    • View Profile
FOO and Pets **TW** PA, EA, death
« on: November 03, 2019, 09:07:26 AM »
Trigger Warning - Physical/Emotional Abuse, Neglect, and Death
The Negative Stuff
I have very little contact with my M, but recently she told me that whenever her cat starts getting 'bitey', she squirts it with water, or throws it off her hand and then harshly growls at it. Later I had the cat under my own care for two weeks, I couldn't understand why M would ever need to do any of that to the cat. He was quite lovely actually and if he ever was 'bitey', I just wouldn't encourage it, that's all. The cat I believe ended up getting more attached to me, he sits on my lap but not hers. But it got me thinking... if she has such an over exaggerated punishment for the cat's simple 'wrongdoing'... it wouldn't be surprising if her own punishment of myself was over exaggerated as well. Am I maybe seeing signs where there aren't any? Is this a huge assumption to make? Not sure... I struggle a lot with believing in my trauma but I feel that.. little things like this help see it a little more clearly. I didn't like seeing how she would fling the cat off her when it was playful. I know it's an animal and I'm not but I still feel the association somehow.

A much earlier example in my childhood was the new dog, belonging to my F and M. That was a very clear indication that there was something wrong in my family. F's punishment style was to hit and yell, and I don't think it did the dog any favours. The dog was obsessive, untrained, and a danger to every one around. It had to be put down due to its aggressiveness. If that's not a sign of a traumatic childhood, what is?

My M had rabbits that were untrained and almost starved due to negligence, they ended up running away (good for them). A bird that was bought and then forgotten about in a cage in the backyard, which she later sold. I feel like I had more pets than that but I can't seem to remember now...  :Idunno: But it's all just so... sad.
Sorry, most of this rant was just to validate my CPTSD a bit more again...

The Positive Stuff
However... it took me a long time but I did eventually work up the courage to get myself a pet - just for me. This sort of.. grew. And now I have two fish tanks with about 30-40 fish, and a skink in her own terrarium. I'm slowly learning to feel affection for pets again. I really suppressed any kind of love towards animals because I always have this feeling that they will be taken from me. There's always this anxiety in me that I have over my pets, but I'm getting better... and I'm doing my best to take care of them and not follow in my FOO's footsteps. So, hooray for me?  :)

Sorry for the long rant. Also sorry if this is in the wrong category of the forum. I'm still wrapping my head around it...
I wouldn't mind hearing about others' experiences with their FOO and pets if they are comfortable to do so of course.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2019, 11:56:00 AM by Blueberry »

*

Blueberry

  • Member
  • 7426
  • 'Should' is never good for me.
    • View Profile
Re: FOO and Pets **TW** PA, EA, death
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2019, 12:14:42 PM »
I imagine that if someone shows inappropriate treatment of a pet, their treatment of people including their children could well be bad too. 

** TW ** PA, neglect

My M when feeling out of control with rage would hit out at the nearest person, object or animal, including of course her own children and the dog. She never hit our guinea pigs but I imagine that was because they were out of the way in a cage. Or maybe she had herself enough in control not to actually actively kill any being, idk.

Neglect: she said it wasn't 'worth it' for our guinea pigs to get vet treatment, as in it wasn't worth it for the animal. How did she know? Sometimes the guinea pigs were taken to the vet's, but sometimes they weren't and died what in retrospect must have been an agonising death. We weren't poor. The vet bills would have been manageable.

End TW

She also neglected us children physically and medically. Not really badly, but if you had some physical complaint, you were just to put up with it. I was really surprised once at a friend's when her mother made me a hot lemon drink how that made me feel much better despite my cold. M never would have made me something like that, and if I'd tried to make myself one, she would have been very mocking. She used mocking, sarcasm as a form of control over me.

Of course she didn't use sarcasm on the dog because it wouldn't have worked. Inappropriate treatment of one species may not be the same as for another species but it's still inappropriate to neglectful to abusive. So no, I don't think you're seeing signs where there aren't any.

*

Not Alone

  • Member
  • 2687
    • View Profile
Re: FOO and Pets **TW** PA, EA, death
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2019, 12:36:18 AM »
Perplex, your post didn't seem long and I did not see it as a "rant," but as you processing, which you are very welcome to do. I have also struggled with believing my trauma. Putting all the puzzle pieces on the table is helpful over time.

*

Blueberry

  • Member
  • 7426
  • 'Should' is never good for me.
    • View Profile
Re: FOO and Pets **TW** PA, EA, death
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2019, 07:15:40 AM »
Perplex, your post didn't seem long and I did not see it as a "rant," but as you processing, which you are very welcome to do. ... Putting all the puzzle pieces on the table is helpful over time.

 :yeahthat: I fully agree.

*

Jazzy

  • Member
  • 1269
  • [TW] I'm Niko <3
    • View Profile
Re: FOO and Pets **TW** PA, EA, death
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2019, 12:14:36 AM »
Thank you for sharing this Perplex. I don't want to hijack the thread, but it brings back a lot of memories for me. I'm really sad about how I have treated my pets in the past (just what I learned from my parents), but at least I take a bit of comfort, that now I have learned better. Its good to hear that you have improved also. Take care! :)