therapy vs. family

[sanmagic7]

hey, zeek,

my husband is also an avid 12-stepper, and absolutely could not, and at times still can't, understand why i 'keep bringing things up', why i don't 'let go and let god', or why i don't just quit thinking about it.  it wasn't until he went with me to see my shrink to understand that i'm not making anything up, and that i need meds (even some of the same ones he'd used as drugs on the street) in order to sleep and even function during a day.  until he heard it from a professional, where he could ask questions, did he even begin to understand the enormity and difference of what i was dealing with.

even now, after 15 years, he will still fall back into his 12-step way of thinking when it comes to me and what my triggers can do to me, the symptoms they bring on, etc.  it's not as often, thank goodness, and now i can tell him that just as 12-step groups aren't for everyone, neither is the same approach helpful for what's going on w/ me.  he can now back down and apologize, but i know he does not understand how our brains have been damaged so that they will have a mind of their own when a trigger raises its ugly head.

just wanted to add my 2 cents worth, cuz i have been there w/ this type of problem, and it can be horrible to deal w/.  avid 12-steppers can believe that their way is the best and only way, and if you only follow their suggestions, you, too, can have a sane and sober life.  i know the 12 steps can be great for addictions, but that's not what we're dealing with here.  best to you - i do hope he'll go with you.  and, yes, i think it would be a very good idea to talk to your t about it first, see what kinds of suggestions, and if you may need to write down what you want to say.  i think that your hub being able to ask questions of your t may get that lightbulb of understanding going in his head. 

sending love and a hug filled with 'i totally know what you're going thru - you're not alone!'.   

[zeekoctane]

Thanks. I think I will talk to my T about him going along. It is hard though. I know he cares but he just gets it all wrong. On occasion I will try and explain something to him. He says he understands but ends up making light of it in conversation for several weeks after. It makes me not want to talk. I like how you stated this is not a 12 step addiction. It is completely different. I never really looked at it like that. Thanks.

[sanmagic7]

i've had those conversations w/ my hub, too.  it's so very frustrating.  i ended up in tears more often than not.  mine also cared, but it was frustrating for him as well, i could tell.  still, that wasn't helpful for me, either.  i think they understand from their own perspective of addictions, but that doesn't encompass all the mind and brain damage and wounding that goes along w/ suffering through trauma.  c-ptsd is an entirely different ballgame than addictions.  that's the part they don't get.

best to you, geek.  i hope it goes well for both of you.  sending love and a hug filled with strength