Activity 2 w/your therapist "Finding your ideal recovery pace together"

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C.

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Reminder: In order to honor our group process we ask that only current members post and respond here please.  Thank you.

Note:  Your recovery is unique to you.  These topics and activities are suggestions.  Please feel free to do and respond to those that work for you at this time.

Note 2:  I'm adding an activity to do w/your therapist this week if you'd like.  I thought someone might like to discuss your conversation(s) with your T related to our group or Step 4.

2.   Remember again that you have the right to control the pace of your therapy.  At times, you and your therapist may disagree on the best pace for your particular stage of recovery. At times, you may want to go faster, while s/he thinks you should slow down. Other times, s/he may want to push you to deal with something if s/he thinks it would benefit you. Ultimately, you must take an active role in setting the pace of your recovery, settling on one that is comfortable but not stagnant.

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VeryFoggy

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I am not real sure what we are doing, my therapist and I.  I only know if I did not have her I would probably be suicidal.  I am losing every person of importance to me in my life.  There are only a few left and some of them I have not talked to in months.  One left is my daughter. 

I am currently in the process of losing my dearest and closest friend for the last 30 years.  My sister.  Since I told her I have CPTSD, she has turned on me like a rabid dog, and I will leave it at that for now, but it has been excruciating to see what I thought we had, just disappear like it never existed. I have just sent her an email tonight and told her if she won't come to therapy with me and work this out, then we have no relationship left.

My therapist and I have only seen each other 5 times, but I live for those weekly hour long sessions.  She validates every single thing I tell her.  She believes me like no one ever has before.  She constantly tells me if she sees me heading the wrong direction she will let me know.  So far that has not happened.  She tells me over and over I am dead on right, correct, logical, honest, believable. It is incredible.  I have never been treated this way before in my life. So I am not sure where we are going yet?  But it feels good to be heard, and believed and trusted for once and not have to fight to have my side, my opinion heard.

I asked her last week, So how do I build this new shell?  Because we have talked about me having a hard shell to protect me, then taking the shell off and getting hurt by everyone, i.e. losing everyone, and she just hinted it would be different, but not how we would build it.

But with nobody left what difference does it make I wonder?  I have very few people I trusted but for the last 17 years it was mainly my sister and my boyfriend.  And those have evaporated. 

Funny though.  I reached out to my old boyfriend yesterday about losing my sister and he was VERY sympathetic as he knows the struggles she and I  have been through since I went No Contact with my father. It was very good.  To feel his love and sympathy.  He is literally the only person I was close to who has never attacked me, put me down, or belittled me.  We actually had what I call a Mutual Admiration Society.  As we constantly praised each other for their own unique skills.

Anyway, I do not know what our pace is, my therapist and I.  I just hope I find a way to find these people who are safe and how to recognize them, as I only know two.  My boyfriend who is gone and my daughter. And I guess my therapist! That's three.


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bee

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VeryFoggy I offer a  :hug:
I'm so glad to hear that you have a T that you can trust. I am also sorry to hear that you are struggling to hold on to a very dear relationship to your sister.

Maybe you can add yourself to the list of people you trust. Or if you're not ready for that at least see that you are taking care of yourself. You are learning to protect yourself.  As you continue to make decisions to protect yourself from from untrustworthy people you will see that you can be trusted.

I understand all too well that the process of learning to protect oneself can get very lonely. But, by removing people who hurt you from your life, you will be able to use your energy to make yourself stronger, instead of using it to fend off/heal from emotional blows.

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C.

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I am so happy to hear about your therapist.  We hear unpleasant stories about those that don't do a good job or we're not sure if it's helping.  But, from what you've said your T knows exactly how to help you.  Like Walker says, she sound "good enough."

I hear you about friends...my "best" friends for 45 yrs, 30 yrs and 14 yrs all disappeared over the past 3 years.  I recently realized I'd been repeating my parent patterns with each set.  2 from childhood, 2 from college, and 2 pre-recovery/local.  With each set, one ignored me (dad) and the other covertly criticized (mom).  And the new friends who I developed a couple of years ago followed the same pattern again, ugh.  My marriage ended, my Faith community faded away, and my supportive aunt went NC w/my dad, and by proxy, me.  I also realized that I liked my "in-laws" much better than my FOO.  We don't have the negative history.  But that's awkward for my brother's wife and even more so for my ex's brother & wife, so they don't initiate contact much either.

And like you I found a therapist who listened.  I remember commenting a couple of years ago to him that "no one wants to hear my story", and my T simply saying "I do."  I really broke down in tears.  It's been three years now and I feel like I'm finally being fully honest in therapy.  As for pace, I get impatient w/myself and he usually validates my pace & what it seems that I need.

Then I found this web site.  And I re-connected w/a new friend who, like you mentioned, I realized never criticized or neglected me.  Actually she might neglect/ignore some, I'm not sure yet, but I don't think so.

So I have my therapist, one friend, and the forum.  I have Faith and I have me.

I too have my daughter (adult), but I don't want to reverse roles like my mom did w/me and I can tell that although my daughter is supportive, there's only so much she can handle.  The CPTSD concept was too big for her so I let it go.

I think I'm just trying to say that I have 45+ years worth of "relationships" that have all ended in the past 3 years.  It's really mind boggling for me still.

And again kudos to your therapist and to you for following through with therapy.  You are definitely on a path towards healing.