Just a bit of ouch

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RubyCatherine

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Just a bit of ouch
« on: November 03, 2019, 02:31:07 PM »
Had to be social with people three times in three settings yesterday. That's 1-2 more than I like. The whole lot--family, friends, coworkers, strangers--scattered throughout the day. I was emotionally tired but doing well physically and having fun. Then, at the end of the evening, someone brought up a faux pas I committed some time ago. I was being silly and did something to make people laugh, but I doubted it some time after and indeed it was poorly received. She may have brought it up so I would not repeat the faux pas. I think I took it well, chin up, just saying "oh" or something like that, while looking serious. Now I feel like I, in being a free spirit and a clown embarrassed myself, upset people, let people down, am viewed as immature, stupid, rash, insensitive. I did not intentionally hurt anyone when I did this and as far as I understand, no one was hurt by it. But the feelings remain.

I had been having EFs about a similar thing for weeks. My mother brings that one up from time to time, most recently months ago, and when she sees it makes me unhappy, she tries to smooth it over. She has done this about three or four different times. I have started to put my foot down about her doing it.

I would take the things like this back, yes, but as no one was directly harmed by my being an idiot, and I don't make a habit of it, I would like to archive that memory and move on. It may take some work to hold my head as high with these people. It is tempting to withdraw, but as I cannot fully withdraw I will make an effort not to do so at all. I am open to suggestions.

After all this, I went out with a formerly closer friend. We chatted about different things, including how communication broke down about a year ago when we took a trip with some other people. I think it was good for our relationship. It saved the night and is why I am functioning better than I might be today... Though I am not yet out of bed and have no motivation to do anything, despite a long list.
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When I think of how famous people get shamed. I wonder how they take it with such outward grace. Whether Prince Harry in an offensive costume or, well, just about anybody doing just about anything else, it seems like people are surrounded by shamers these days.

I feel like I can spend hours working hard to make something nice for others, devote entire days to service of some kind, but I let me guard down to be a more genuine version of me and I get rejected because I made a bad call on it.

Thanks for reading.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2019, 02:53:47 PM by RubyCatherine »

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Kizzie

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Re: Just a bit of ouch
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2019, 04:30:22 PM »
Sorry to hear you were having a good time only to be sent into a shame spiral.  You might well wonder why anyone would continue to bring this up - for me it says more about them than you.   :yes:

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When I think of how famous people get shamed. I wonder how they take it with such outward grace.

Just my thoughts but those of us with Complex PTSD never had anyone in our corner to help us to know we are good people, worthy of love & respect, that's it's OK and human to make mistakes, that things like faux pas do not define who we are.

Prince Harry had adults who loved him and helped him to love himself and to know these things about being human, we did not.

One thing that helps me when I tap into my shame over mistakes/faux pas is to try and remember that everyone has cringe worthy moments and absolutely no one should feel superior when it comes to mistakes or faux pas.

 :grouphug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Just a bit of ouch
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2019, 07:08:06 PM »
I can't handle it when people keep bringing up the past!  :pissed:

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notalone

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Re: Just a bit of ouch
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2019, 12:24:56 AM »
One thing that helps me when I tap into my shame over mistakes/faux pas is to try and remember that everyone has cringe worthy moments and absolutely no one should feel superior when it comes to mistakes or faux pas.
:yeahthat: True. Good to remember that. Part of being human.

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RubyCatherine

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Re: Just a bit of ouch
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2019, 01:25:26 PM »
Belated thanks to everyone who replied. It was a comfort to me.

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Kizzie

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Re: Just a bit of ouch
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2019, 08:41:42 PM »
 :grouphug:    :thumbup: