Insurance causing whirlwind

Not Alone · November 15, 2019, 09:19:01 PM

In January, our insurance changed. Therapist not on plan, which meant paying out of pocket. At the time I went through a great deal of distress trying to decide what to do. I decided to continue seeing the same therapist and get a part time job to pay for it. I thought that after I paid a certain amount (which is where I'm at now), insurance would pay part of my therapy sessions. After spending a long time on the phone with insurance agent yesterday, I found out that was not the case. I won't go into the details, but they won't pay any of it. The agent went on and on about "why aren't you seeing someone in network?" "You've already spent ______ and if you were in network it would only be ______." She even told me that she saw the same therapist for five years so she understood wanting to be with the same person, but. . . I was very calm on the phone with her and thanked her for clarifying, but when I hung up I was being swept away in a whirlwind. I felt stupid and guilty for staying with the same T, which is costing me a LOT of money. The thought of seeing someone else sends me into utter panic.

If I did see someone else, I think it would take a minimum of 6 months to get caught up to where I am now. Also, my husband will be retiring in a year, so 6 months to get to current point with new therapist and then six months of therapy. After that, likely therapist would not accept retirement insurance.

I am working part-time, enough hours to pay for therapy. My therapy (since January) is not taking money away from my family.

I'm not seriously considering switching therapists, and still the Littles are freaking out over the thought. If I were to switch, not only would it be hard for them to trust new T, they would loose trust in me.

I say all this, but inside the whirlwind is raging. I say to myself: "You made a decision to stay with T. You decided that was the best thing for yourself. You are working, even though sometimes incredibly difficult, to pay to stay with T." Why can't I just say that and move on? Why is this making me crazy?

If you choose to respond to this post, please don't advise about seeing a new T. I need to be heard and understood how crazy-making this is and maybe be reassured that I'm not being stupid.

Blueberry · November 15, 2019, 09:31:35 PM

notalone, it sounds as if you might have been triggered by that question "Why are you seeing someone in the network?" You know why you're not doing so. You've explained and given understandable reasons here. Even if you hadn't it's not up to me or the insurance agent or anyone else to make judgements. You are certainly not being stupid!

Those kinds of questions make me want to go crazy too. They remind me of my parents especially M in my childhood questioning and belittling my judgements, and expecting perfectionism. There might be something like that in your childhood too? I hope this helps a bit.

Bach · November 15, 2019, 09:39:11 PM

You're not being stupid at all. A therapist you can trust is everything. There's no point in trying to save money on something that can deliver you from having to live a life you never really experience because everything is too hard and hurts too much. Therapy doesn't mean a cure, of course, but if it makes your life even a little bit more comfortable and less perpetually agonising, it is worth it. You have worked hard to build something with your current therapist. It is working for you, and you deserve that, especially given that you're earning the money for it yourself. There is no good reason whatsoever to make yourself start over from scratch for the sake of some dollars.

Perplex · November 15, 2019, 10:03:01 PM

You're definitely not being stupid. I would feel the same way if someone told me to find a new therapist. Getting to know someone like that on a personal level is really hard! It can't just be swapped out like some old rags. You deserve the safety and comfort of your current T.

Chris336 · November 15, 2019, 11:44:03 PM

Quote
I say all this, but inside the whirlwind is raging. I say to myself: "You made a decision to stay with T. You decided that was the best thing for yourself. You are working, even though sometimes incredibly difficult, to pay to stay with T." Why can't I just say that and move on? Why is this making me crazy?

You are not crazy or stupid.

I can totally relate to being triggered by these kinds of conversations. Sometimes my "freeze" side comes out before I can even pick up the phone, and the sense of dread wipes out all ability to make important calls.

Maybe this whirlwind you are feeling is an emotional flashback?

(Hugs)

Jazzy · November 16, 2019, 12:04:27 AM

I understand how you're feeling Notalone.

I know it can be a big fight to get that whirlwind to calm down, and I wish you all the best with that.

Maybe it will help to think that this other person has no idea what you're going through, how you feel, or what you've decided. All they know is the $, so that's what they were talking about. Obviously, it is not the only factor (not even the most important one I'd say), and so it is really ignorant of them to be questioning you. Maybe they should have informed you how you could save some money by switching, but that is all. I think they are really out of line.

I hope you feel better soon. Take care!

woodsgnome · November 16, 2019, 12:20:39 AM

It's shameful the way these bureaucratic systems are deemed as morally superior to knowing one's heart.

Please know that in what you've shared here there is not one iota of being stupid or crazy. Loving yourself and realizing what is most needed -- following your heart -- ranks higher (or should!) than decisions based only on treating people as objects in a system, not as human beings.

This kind of thing is yet another twist on how hard it is to deal with a society that pretends that one's deepest inner issues can be pre-packaged in a one-size-fits-all model.

Not Alone · November 16, 2019, 03:34:22 AM

Chris, thank you for telling me that I'm not stupid or crazy. It helps. I don't feel like I'm totally in an emotional flashback, but on the edge of one. The responses of everyone here is helping to keep me from being sucked into the whirlwind (EF).

Blueberry, thanks for mentioning that the question the insurance agent asked might be triggering. I think it hooked into my mom's money issues. I don't think that is all of it, but a piece. Need to hear that I'm not stupid. Thanks.

Quote from: Bach on November 15, 2019, 09:39:11 PM
You're not being stupid at all. A therapist you can trust is everything. .......... You have worked hard to build something with your current therapist. It is working for you, and you deserve that, especially given that you're earning the money for it yourself. There is no good reason whatsoever to make yourself start over from scratch for the sake of some dollars.

Thank you, Bach. Your words are kind and wise and I'll re-read them.

Quote from: Perplex on November 15, 2019, 10:03:01 PM
You're definitely not being stupid. I would feel the same way if someone told me to find a new therapist. Getting to know someone like that on a personal level is really hard! It can't just be swapped out like some old rags. You deserve the safety and comfort of your current T.

Thank you, Perplex. Your kind words are helpful.

Quote from: Jazzy on November 16, 2019, 12:04:27 AM
Maybe it will help to think that this other person has no idea what you're going through, how you feel, or what you've decided. All they know is the $, so that's what they were talking about. Obviously, it is not the only factor (not even the most important one I'd say), and so it is really ignorant of them to be questioning you.

Jazzy, thank you for that. You're right. All she could see is the money. When I was talking to her I wanted to say, "I'm dealing with this and this and this. . ." Luckily I kept my mouth closed. My issues are none of her business. There is a lot more to this than money.

Quote from: woodsgnome on November 16, 2019, 12:20:39 AM
Please know that in what you've shared here there is not one iota of being stupid or crazy. Loving yourself and realizing what is most needed -- following your heart -- ranks higher (or should!) than decisions based only on treating people as objects in a system, not as human beings.

Thanks, woodsgnome. Appreciate your words and hug.

Thank you everyone. Your words are helpful and I will re-read them. Your care and wisdom is helping me to move further from the vortex of an EF.

Snowdrop · November 16, 2019, 07:18:21 AM

I don't really have anything new to say, but I wanted to add my voice to everyone elses. You're definitely not stupid. There are many reasons why staying with your current T is a good idea.

I think I would have felt triggered by the agent's attitude, questioning and refusal to pay. I can understand the whirlwind, and I'm glad you're moving further away from it.