stuck stuck stuck

[MoonBeam]

i think one of the things that did get my hopes up is that this t mentioned she's seeing a lot more people who have had damage done to them by other t's.  it seemed like being aware of that, treating that because she's aware of it was a really pos. sign to me.  don't know exactly why.

Hey San, that sounds super validating and positive to me--that she not only acknowledges, but like you said, she's aware and will be paying attention and be accountable.

i'm going to give myself a pat on the back here, too.  thru all this, i have not smoked nor drank, have not contacted past unhealthy people (altho all of those have come to mind in the past 2 mos.)...  3 days of xanax this past week has also helped me keep my sanity, as well as sometimes forcing myself to write here.  i'm considering this a win.

I totally agree! A win and a testament to your strength and willingness to walk through it even though it's really, really hard.

Big Heart 

[sanmagic7]

thanks for your validation and support, mb.  lovelovelove it and you!  heart :hug:right back atcha!

[Jazzy]

Wow, so much has happened today! It sounds like a lot of good stuff. Its great you have an appointment made, and it sounds pretty positive to look forward to. I wish you all the best with it. Glad to hear your foot is healing as well. I'm sure you'll be back to your long walks before you know it. The fresh air must be wonderful; even just on the porch. Take care!

[sanmagic7]

thanks for the enthusiasm jazzy.  the fresh air really does do me good!  i was able to extend my walk a little today, and that felt great as well.

so, healing, healing, mind, body, and spirit.  little by little.  these setbacks get wearing, tho.  always scrabbling about to get back to where i was, let alone make any progress forward.  dang!

still resting.  rocking on the porch, going thru the final edits, and when that's finished, it'll be formatted.  maybe totally finished by the end of the year?  dang, again!  wouldn't that be great!!!

sending love out to you all.

[Snowdrop]

I hope your rest is doing you good and your foot is recovering. Sending you love and hugs .

[sanmagic7]

thank you, snowdrop.  i'm glad i dipped in here and saw this from you.  loved it!

today is the first day, actually, that i'm feeling halfway human.  honestly, my mind has been such a mess.  still not all the way back to where i was 2 mos. ago, but today at least felt better.  fingers crossed and prayers flying!

[Snowdrop]

I'm glad you're heading in the right direction. I will join you in the finger crossing and prayers .

[sanmagic7]

thanks, snowdrop - i appreciate that!  can't hurt, right?

[Snowdrop]

The more the better .

[Sceal]

I was having a brain fog not too long ago. I felt like my mind wasn't working. like I had no cognitive abilities at all. Someone suggested it might be an inflammation going on in my body. Or that I had vitamin b1 deficiency.  I was just thinking, could you be suffering from some of this too that's working against you?

[Tee]

  hoping your day is better today San.  Been thinking of you often. Big hug!

[sanmagic7]

snowdrop, i agree, and i welcome them all.   

hey, sceal, thanks for the thoughts.  i do take vitamins, plus b-complex, so i think i'm ok on that front.  inflammation is always w/ me, so that's nothing new.  i believe this is just an overload of stress, which is my nemesis, and always affects me in a similar way.  plus, i've had to do a lot of thinking to get my book finished, and i pushed myself toward the end, so that is probably part of it.  i've just had so much to deal w/, one thing after another, in the past few months, i couldn't catch a breath.  it piled up and overwhelmed me - lots of triggers by themselves, and w/ the book, lots of stuff from the past slammed me in the face.  too much.  but i appreciate your suggestions, i really do.

hey, tee.  i'm doing a bit better, but i can tell that, while i've at least been able to be on this side of sanity more securely, i'm still quite exhausted mentally and emotionally.  don't have all my energy back yet, altho it's beginning to show itself a bit more, of which i'm glad to see.  my t appt. is in 8 days, and that's what i'm holding onto right now.  even so, i'm nervous cuz i don't know where to begin!  i hope she helps me.  thank you!

[sanmagic7]

i realized today that i am really wobbly yet.  feel like i'm hanging on by my fingernails.  can't get out from under this.  these feelings are still hitting me, even when i think i'm making progress.  i'm sick to death of this.  t appt. is still a week away.

[Three Roses]

Hang in there, you're going to make it. The day will be here before you know it. 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, 3r - you give me strength, and i appreciate it.