My first visit to forum

[cgl77]

I have just found this site, and want to reach out to others in recovery.  I have had years of 'good enough' therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD, but only recently came across Pete Walker's book about complex PTSD.  What a lot of 'aha so that explains it' moments!  Struggling daily to recover from depression and realizing that there is a real person in here!
Struggling with insomnia too and strong tendencies to revert to the freeze and its veil of hoplelessness.   

[Blueberry]

Hello cgl and a warm welcome to the forum 

I'm glad you've found Pete Walker's book. It's so helpful to so many of us.

[bluepalm]

A very warm welcome to you cgl77! I have found this site to be a safe and validating place - unlike anything I've experienced elsewhere. I hope you receive as much comfort as I have from being able to tell your stories and read the stories of others who experience similar struggles.

I so agree with what you say about discovering complex trauma as a 'thing': "What a lot of 'aha so that explains it' moments! " And being able to connect through this Forum with people all over the world, whose experience helps me understand and validate my own, has for me been a truly wonderful thing. We are sharing lived experience and it's precious. So, welcome!
bluepalm

[Three Roses]

Welcome! Yes, Pete Walker's a treasure, all his books and his website. Another book that I found indispensable and so very validating is Bessel van der Kolk's "The Body Keeps The Score", which also talks about different forms of therapy that have proven effective in the treatment of complex ptsd, a very different animal from ptsd.

Glad you found us!

[Jazzy]

Hello and welcome cgl77!

It can be really tough struggling with depression, insomnia, and shutting down (freezing), but its good you realize that you are a real person despite it all. I'm glad you found us, and hopefully this will be helpful for you on your healing journey.

Take care!

[Not Alone]

Welcome. 

[woodsgnome]

Hi, welcome,  and congratulations on taking those scary first steps towards new ways of building further understanding about this often lonely process. I'm also a 'freeze' sort who tends to frequently give up, but somehow find ways to pick up the pieces yet again and see what might happen.

I hope that by finding this site you'll also be able to shine further light on the territory. The road to full healing can be full of speed-bumps, as it were; so it helps to relate to others here. It can and probably still be a rough ride, but here you'll at least realize you're not alone.   

[Snowdrop]

Hello cgl77, and welcome to the forum.

[cgl77]

Thank you everyone for the welcome!  I'm 62 years old and sometimes feel like I 'should' be further along in this recovery, but when therapists in the past told me I had PTSD it just didn't really click because there was no major, single-event trauma.   Of course, having depression I was able to not waste all that therapy time and money!  I was also helped by reading two Alice Miller books and being able to acknowledge contempt for my parents' so-called upbringing methods.  Even now its difficult to put that to paper.

The worst thing now is becoming more aware of the relentless inner judge, ever-present and always vigilant for listing all of my shortcomings.   Being human has never seemed to be okay; it just wasn't ever enough.

[Three Roses]

The worst thing now is becoming more aware of the relentless inner judge, ever-present and always vigilant for listing all of my shortcomings.

Here's a link to Pete Walker's information on the inner critic, which you'll see referred to here on the forum very often (and sometimes referred to as ICr, as opposed to IC which we use for inner child/children) -

http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

Once again, welcome and thanks for joining!